The Copycat
by Zosie
Summary: Bella and Edward became lovers briefly in High School, after prom.  They went their separate ways, but while Edward's challenge was to learn to let go of the girl he'd crushed on for four years, Bella's was far worse and far reaching. And now he is back.M
1. Chapter 1

**Will update weekly if enough people are reviewing.**

The Copycat

Prologue/ Chapter One

BPOV

Oh God. I paused as I exited my car and stared at the woman who wanted to be me. Almost was me. Same haircut, same make up, same blasted outfit, yet again. I swear the bitch either sneaks into my bedroom and sees whatever I have ready to wear to work each day, or else she reads my mind. Even our cars are twins. No sooner had I bought mine than she decided her perfectly good car was no longer suited, and she traded it in for the same make and model as my own. Oh, and same colour. Midnight Blue.

So what, you ask? Well, her other car was worth twice what these were. She had owned the type of car I would have loved to own, if I had that sort of money. Now she had a middle of the range ordinary car just like the rest of us. Just like a thousand hard working middle class folk who wished they could have her old car.

I wished she had offered to swap with me instead.

"Hey, Bella," my doppelganger called, grinning widely and waving enthusiastically, like a child. "You look awesome. Oh, so do I! I just love this power suit. The moment I saw it, I was all 'Jessica, that suit is YOU.' I had to buy it. And you have the same suit! Great minds think alike, Bella."

"Yes, I could see you liked it when you were standing across the room in the store as I bought mine last Monday," I replied tersely. She'd even bought the same stockings and even shoes. For God's sake, I should wear my Chucks one day and see if she raced out and bought a pair. Fifty dollars says she would.

"Oh, was that this suit? I must have forgotten. I knew you bought something at Spencer's but I had no idea it was this suit. Oh well, we both look gorgeous."

I wanted to throw up or turn and run home to change but of course, my best friend Rose had arrived and she would have my back. She knew how Jessica's less than subtle hero worship was driving me slowly insane. It had started years earlier, in High School, and at first it was just little things. She painted her fingernails the same colours I did, and removed the polish and repainted if I had done so, in an attempt to be different again.

Whatever subjects I selected, she changed to, even though it was halfway through the school year and she had to work her butt off to catch up. But she did it. Worked with tutors, studied until midnight most nights, but she got the grades she needed to ...get in to the same college as I had.

Same college, same course, almost the same grades. Luckily she couldn't buy intelligence to top her own quota up to match mine.

Then there had been the Mike incident and I was so glad I had not been sleeping with him, because had he been doing both of us, that would have been too darned weird. I dropped Mike and moved on, but as soon as I had one single date with Peter, there she was.

Chasing after my new 'boyfriend', though he wasn't around long enough to claim that title. The next night I saw him out with her and although we were far from exclusive, there was no way that was happening. I lay it down and let him choose. Dump her or I walked.

I walked.

Naturally, once I no longer wanted Peter, neither did she, so he went from two girlfriends to none. For the entire four years we spent at college, the only sure fact was, if I dated anyone, no matter how ugly or unsuitable or even married, Jessica went after him as well. I had no interest in a married man of course, I just accepted his date to see how far she would take this. All the way, it seemed and the next night she was the one his wife caught him with.

Needless to say, never making it through more than one date with anyone had a consequence. I didn't get to sleep with anyone for my entire college career. I could have done hook-ups and gladly passed them on to Jessica the next night, but I wanted more than that. I wanted a relationship, and they took time and exclusivity and that was never going to happen.

Then we had graduated and I landed myself a wonderful job, and there was no other opening at the same level. I was victorious, I would finally be free of Jessica Stanley. I was, too, for two whole weeks. Then Rose had smirkingly introduced me to my new PA. The position had not even existed when I got the job, Dr Cullen had decided he was piling too much work onto my plate and created it out of concern, and guess what, only one applicant had been interviewed.

She'd impressed Carlisle, and he'd hired her on the spot. Then promptly forgot she existed, once his conscience was clear and he was happy he was no longer overworking me. She was everywhere. I refused to discuss what I did outside work with anyone, in an attempt to have a little slither of privacy and so far, so good. Nobody but Rose knew about Jacob Black and I and it would remain that way.

I had tried everything to be different to her, even getting a new haircut when Jessica finally managed to grow her hair as long as my own. I couldn't believe it when she was so willing to sacrifice three years of growth just to match me, yet again.

Damn,I should have left it long. Guys prefer long hair. Jake prefers long hair. I understand, I adore his long hair too. I would cry buckets if he ever had it cut short.

"Well, if it isn't the Bobbsey twins," Rose snickered. "Bella, I like the suit. Jessica, for God's sake, have you ever had an original idea in your entire life?"

Jessica smiled as if that had been a compliment.

"Isn't it great? I can't believe Bella liked this suit enough to buy one as well. I mean, who could blame her, it's nicely cut and I love the width of the collar, and the split up the back of the skirt is sort of a little bit sexy, but very subtle, right?"

"Right," Rose drawled. Although from Texas, Rosalie rarely showed her roots, unlike her hot as brother Jasper Hale, whom we all crushed on to some degree. I did it openly, not because I wanted him, but because I wanted Jessica to want someone other than every single guy I ever dated. Now she believed I was into Jasper, she crushed on Jasper. I swear she had no idea Mike Newton existed in High School until he and I became a couple our first year in college. Then she was completely enamoured by him and hung around us like a blowfly hangs around a pile of horseshit. Funny that, Mike ended up being horseshit and all.

Fucking cheating on me with her.

"But Bella, she is always there. Always so willing. At least she isn't some uptight little virgin like you."

Hah! The joke had been on him. I was no virgin. Prom night had solved that little problem, and nobody but the guy involved had any idea who had popped my cherry. We had done each other a favour. Had Jessica known, she would have probably climbed in his bedroom window and raped him just so she could claim to have fucked him as well.

"Good morning Ladies. You look very professional, Bella, and er, I'm sorry. Your name eludes me," Carlisle Cullen said, looking confused as he noticed the matching get ups.

"I'm Jessica Stanley. I work for Bella, I'm her Personal Assistant," Jessica replied. "I have been here three years now, just like she has. You hired me yourself."

"Hmm,of course, Jennifer. Bella, Rose, I want a word in my office, if you please."

We followed him in and I shut the door behind us smartly, barely avoiding Jessica's new nose.

Yes, the girl has had a nose job so we have matching noses. I kid you not. I had ignored her snapping off photos of my face from every angle one day a few months ago; I tended to ignore her stalkerish behaviour as much as I could. Then I overheard her later telling Lauren at the water cooler she had found 'the perfect nose' for her surgeon to endow her with, and yes, now I get to see my nose every day, on her face.

I admit now I wish I had some enormous malformed honker, just to see if she would go as far as uglifying herself to be like me.

"Ladies, I know it's only September but it's getting close to that time of the year. The annual Company Ball. This year I'm thinking of trying something new. Instead of just limiting it to staff, I'm thinking of inviting the more important share holders and potential clients for our advertising division. Now, I need you two to be my start attractions and we need to plan this affair to the nth degree. So, I assume you, Rose, will be accompanied by my son, Emmett, as usual."

"Of course, Sir," she replied. She and Emmett had been together forever. High School, college, and the three years since. They had both dated other students briefly before they felt the irresitible magnet pull they shared, but that had been in Middle School. Not worth mentioning. I envied them both so much. They never went through the bullshit of having to find a suitable companion for any event.

I, on the other hand, suffered every time something important came up. Jacob hates the corporate world, and loves his own comfortable little world in La Push. It takes a lot of persuasion to ever get him suited up and on my arm and add in the fact we have to act all cool and 'just friends' around Jessica, and you will see why he avoids attending as many of these events as possible.

I have explained over and over. If Jess knows we are a couple, she will be in our faces 24/7. She will instantly fall in love with him, and be calling him all hours, and sending 'cute' photos of herself to his phone, and dropping in to visit any hour of the night, and there will go our weekends. I live for the privacy of my weekend life.

Whereas if I date other guys casually, she immediately starts trying to attract them instead. I tend to accept dates from men I really have no attraction to at all, knowing I'm about to sic the annoying Jess their way, so sure, invite me out, douchebags. There's nothing in it for you but a new stalker of your very own, for a while anyway. Just as soon as she realises I'm not into Eric or Tyler or whoever the latest victim is, she drops them like a hot potato and waits for the next man to 'catch my eye.' I just need this one part of my life to be kept private.

Maybe Mike would accompany me. Seeing Jess has been there and done that, she might actually crawl off and amuse herself for one night. But God, Mike is so boring. I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone on him, for an entire evening. She would know it was fake.

"Bella, I know you are currently single," Carlisle says, cheering me up that my subterfuge with Jake at least works with him, "I was wondering if you would allow my younger son, Edward, to escort you on the night?"

"Edward?" I frown.

"You do remember Edward? You did attend Forks High with him, and he's finished at medical school now, another year and he's a doctor free and clear. He intends applying at Forks Hospital. And I intend hiring him," he grinned. As Chief of Personnel as well as everything else, he could do what he liked. This company we worked for was just his 'little hobby' that he ran in his spare time.

Of course I remember Edward. He was my lab partner all through High School. He was the class nerd and nobody else wanted to share his table so I volunteered. He was a nice enough guy, just far too shy, hiding behind his black rimmed nerd glasses, with his shaggy 80's hairdo.

His demeanour was just a mask though. God knows there was a Hell of a lot more to what we saw underneath that blank exterior.

My mind drifted to Prom. Well, not prom so much as the after party.

I had set my sights on Riley, the vice Captain of the football team, and so was sticking closely to Rose, head cheerleader, and Emmett, football captain.

Edward was hanging around on the perimeter of the group, barely daring to even have eye contact with anyone, lost in his own little world of science and biology and whatever turned him on. He was all about working and studying and getting the best grades possible, and I'd never even seen him as a real person, as such, if you know what I mean.

He wasn't 'a guy', he was just Edward.

Then fucking Riley turns up with Jane on his arm and all my plans melted away like the mist. Damn the man, I had worn my new underwear from La Perla in preparation for this night. Did he have any idea how many hours of boring work they had cost me? God, working after school, day after day, slaving for the Newton's in their store, putting up with Mike's constant blather about himself mainly, and selling all sorts of sporting goods to punters. Not that I knew what was used for what, much of the time. Luckily Mike was clueless and thought if he helped me out, one day he would be the one to get beneath my skirt and into my pants.

I let him think that. Occasionally I threw the boy a bone and rubbed against his body just slightly as I pushed past him, or bent over too far knowing his eyes were fixed on my skirt clad ass.

You know the game.

If it meant he was the one climbing over boxes of shit in the store room to find the right fishing lure or backpack in the right colour, it was well worth it.

And now my One, my man of choice, was well on his way to fucking Jane instead. Of course I tried to cockblock that little union and spent the next few hours fetching beer for Riley, laughing at Riley's jokes, bending over especially provocatively in Riley's view, egged on by an amused Rose.

All for nothing. Riley did notice, but when he managed to walk a few steps away from Jane's suffocating presence, and whisper in my ear, it was definitely not the words I wanted to hear. I was melting as he approached, his eyes shining, and he casually put his arms around me and kissed my throat.

Oh yes.

Then he leaned in and said the words that killed whatever feelings I had harboured for him.

"So, you want to be part of our threesome? Though I've already asked Michelle, so I guess strictly speaking, it's a foursome. Don't worry, I have the stamina to fuck all of you. I think you will be my second, after Jane. Michelle can wait. She knows I'm worth waiting for, she's been in a few group situations with me already. See you later, sweet little Alice."

Alice?

The fucker didn't even know my name, after all this time.

Rose siddled up to me, smirking, as he walked away.

"So, you are in? He's going to tap you and make you a woman?" she snickered.

"Actually, I'm going to pass," I replied.

"Oh, he didn't invite you for group sex? Shit, I should have warned you, Riley likes a train."

"Rose, " I growled. "How could you have let me make such an idiot of myself? You know I hoped he would be The One?"

"Sure, but I also know you are looking for a one time only deal. Riley is into that. Why start anything you can't finish? You are off to Seattle to start working in that bar in the morning, to earn some cash and have it stashed away before college begins. Why hook up with anyone decent, who might want a relationship? You know you just want your cherry popped, does it really matter how many skanks are in the bed with you two at the time?"

"Actually, yes," I snarled and walked away.

I grabbed a drink and sat down in the summerhouse over the dark side of the yard and brooded.

I didn't even notice Edward when he first approached and sat down opposite me.

"Things not going to plan?" he asked, his green eyes flicking to mine then away again. He hung his head and let that haystack of hair cover half his face.

"Fucking Riley," I growled. "I mean, I'm not fucking Riley after all. I had this plan, Edward. I don't suppose you would understand, but turning up at college _virgo intacto _is not cool."

"Not cool?" he echoed. "I always took you for the type of girl who would keep herself for someone she had feelings for. Not wanted to waste her gift on some loser."

"Shows how wrong you can be, then," I replied, downing the Southern Comfort and Coke.

"I thought you liked Jasper Hale," he continued.

"Jasper? Sure, he's hot. But Alice has first dibs. She's planning a little party all of their own later tonight and by the looks of things, I think he will go to his doom willingly."

We could see them both from our vantage point and Jasper was not resisting. In fact, his hands were all over her, but in a polite way. He was touching her shoulder, his other hand in the small of her back. His eyes were fixed on hers and I don't think anyone else existed at this point, as far as they were concerned. They were both smiling and laughing and you could feel the electricity between them from here.

"I guess tonight's a big waste of time," I sighed and lay my head down on the picnic table. "I was counting on tonight. I can't go to bars to drink, so where does one find themselves a man willing to do the deed and walk away?"

"Walk away? You don't want a relationship at all?" Edward asked, placing his own glass on the table and laying his head down beside mine. His eyes were rather gorgeous, up this close. I guess I'd never really seen them clearly before.

"Nope. Nobody else here is stuck with SeattleU as their college of choice. You, for instance, get to escape to New York. Not me. Strictly small time for Bella Swan."

"And you don't do long distance relationships?" he asked.

"Hell, Edward, I don't do relationships at all. It's all pointless and bullshit. Look at Mom and Dad. Twenty years together and Mom runs off with the first semi famous person who ever came through Forks. I mean, I bet she didn't even know his middle name. They spent three nights together while Charlie was at work, and she decides three nights of drunken fun is worth more than twenty years of devotion from my Dad. Nope, my philosophy is take it where you can get it and never get involved. Don't give your heart to anyone."

"That's so sad," he said. "You are too young to be so cynical and disillusioned. Look at my parents. Twenty years and they are still like teenagers. Sneaking off for romantic rendezvous, meeting in bars and pretending they don't know each other so they can have the thrill of a casual hook up and keep things new and spicy."

I laughed dryly.

"Edward, name one other couple like them. I can name a dozen like my folks. Where's Mr Stanley these days? Oh yeah, he ran off with Tracey from the diner. And she was two years ahead of us at High School. Where's half the husbands who raised families here? Off to pastures new with women half their ages. Nope. Your parents are the novelties. They should be preserved in a museum."

"I hope to have what they have myself, one day," he said dreamily.

"Then hold on to that dream," I said. I didn't know why. It was bound to be just a fantasy but the boy had never shared anything personal with me before. He had always helped me with assignments and studying for pop quizzes but we had never really talked, only spoken.

"What are your dreams, Edward?" I asked, interested.

"I plan to go to New York and come back a doctor. That's my long term goal. My short term dream is to kiss you tonight. I know that's not going to happen, it will be easier to become a qualified physician, but that's my dream," he said, with a smile.

I laughed quietly. Why not? One of us could achieve a dream.

"You would have to come sit over here beside me to achieve that," I said and he moved so fast I was shocked. He put an arm around my shoulders as I sat up and looked at him properly for the first time. Heck, without the hair, he could almost be good looking. His eyes were quite amazing, so green, so deep and calm. Why hadn't I ever noticed? His mouth was nice, full lipped, pretty almost. His features were even and symmetrical, isn't that what makes a human attractive to others?

The hair was the deal breaker, the reason girls never looked beyond the superficial.

I ran my hand through his untidy, overlong mop, pulling it back into a ponytail.

"You should get this cut off. It takes away from your beauty," I said without thinking it through first.

"My beauty?" he laughed self deprecatingly. "Bella, I'm not beautiful. I'm ordinary. Less than ordinary."

I tugged all his long locks back off his face and gasped in surprise at the jawline. It was sharp enough to give me a papercut.

"Fuck me, Cullen. You are beautiful. You really, really need to get rid of this hair. Try something short and neat and tidy and maybe keep a little of the stubble. Then you will get any girl you ever want."

"I don't think so but thanks for saying it anyway," he said.

"Stop it. I don't hand out compliments easily," I growled. "I call them as I see them. You are beautiful."

"Cut my hair for me," he said, smiling into my eyes.

"Oooh, you don't want me to do that," I assured him. "Remember Alice's hair before I 'tidied' it up? Yeah. I still don't know how it ended up that short. I was just neatening up the split ends and nine inches later...it was amazing that Rose managed to salvage what she did into that pixie cut. I'm a hack with scissors."

"I want you to hack my hair,please," he replied.

"Oh come on then," I said, feeling the warmth of the SoCo flow through my veins. Tonight was a bust anyway. I may as well end it cutting off Edward Cullen's security blanket.

He led me to his Volvo and opened the passenger door for me.

"Thank you," I muttered. Charlie had done the same for Renee for years, but apart from him, I never saw a guy open a door for a girl before. Not our generation.

The Cullen house was dark and empty and amazing.

"Fuck, Edward. Are you guys rich?" I asked, unnecessarily. No Bella, this is public housing.

I bound up the front staircase and Edward laughed and ran up behind me, unlocking the door. The house was like Aladdin's Cave only way more stylish. One amazing room led to another just as breathtaking room.

"My mom's an interior decorator," he said, standing back as I hovered over every ornament and painting in the place.

"Duh, that's obvious," I replied, opening yet another door.

"Oh my God, oh my God," I babbled as I stood in Kitchen Heaven. I couldn't even bear to touch anything. It was all just so...perfect.

"Edward, am I dead?" I asked, walking reverently across the center of the room. It was amazing. They had appliances I had never seen before. And I admit, I did buy every Design House Monthly ever issued.

"I want to live here, in this kitchen. Hide me in the pantry," I begged.

"My Mom may just serve you up for dinner," he laughed. "Come on, there's an upstairs too."

"But it cannot compete with this kitchen," I sighed dramatically. I wanted to die and come back as the Cullen's housekeeper. Or just their chef. Housework was not my thing.

Edward dragged me upstairs and I looked into some stylish bedrooms, one of which held the biggest bed ever.

"Let me guess, Emmett's room," I laughed. There were a lot of giveaway signs, like a million sports trophies. Shoes that would fit a Sasquatch. Little hints like that.

"Where's your bedroom?" I asked as we reached the end of the hallway. The final room was clearly his parents and the other bedrooms were all impersonal, like guestrooms.

I glanced inside the bedroom of Dr and Mrs Cullen and turned away again. I had no right to be here and felt like a Peeping Tom.

"Up on the third floor," he replied and I followed him up yet another staircase.

"Why are you up here all alone?" I asked, seeing there were so many spare rooms below.

"I like to be by myself," he replied, opening a door at the end, past the open loungeroom with an enormous television and a bathroom my house could fit inside, then there it was.

Paradise.

I walked in and he stood at the doorway, watching me.

"Edward. My God. I was wrong. The kitchen is not Heaven, this room is. You lucky fucker."

"Inaccurate and inappropriate, Miss Swan. I have never been lucky enough to fuck anyone. I think we both know it will be a cold day in Hell before I manage to attract any girl sufficiently to get to touch her in any way. I'm thinking my first kiss is still years away."

I think that was when the idea formed in my head. I mean, why not? He had something I wanted to borrow and I had some place he could visit and make his dreams come true.

But first I had to cut that hair.

"Bathroom?" I asked, opening a door off his bedroom.

Edward joined me and I pushed him down to sit on the side of the spa bath.

He slid a drawer open and I gaped at the equipment inside.

"But you have more than a hairdresser has. Why the scraggy mop then?"

He shrugged. "I guess I accept I repulse women and don't make any effort," he replied.

"That's too harsh. You aren't repulsive by any means. You just need a dose of confidence and a kick start and you will be gorgeous," I announced, running a comb through his hair. How hard could it be? All I had to do was keep it all the one length.

As Charlie said, the difference between a good haircut and a bad one was two weeks of regrowing.

Tresses fell and Edward kept his eyes tightly closed as I snipped away confidently. What could go wrong?

For once, nothing. I stood back and admired my work. His hair was about three inches long now and without the sun bleached six inches now on the floor, it shone in a deep, pretty coppery red.

Fuck me.

He raised his chin and opened his deep green eyes that were suddenly the focal point of his face and I gasped. Who knew? I mean, his disguise had been perfect if his aim was to hide his true beauty from the world.

Suddenly I wanted to fuck him, and not only that, the balance had just shifted. Earlier I had thought I would be doing him the favour, but now, well, let's just say if this was a pity fuck, he would be the one doing the pitying.

I picked up a hand mirror and showed him his new look.

He grinned and started a little.

"Hmm, you have a way with scissors," he stated.

"Edward, you are fucking beautiful. Now do you believe me?"

He stood and looked at himself in the full length mirror.

"You even look taller," I said in awe.

He kicked the pile of hair away and grinned at his reflection.

"You are clearly a witch. I can't look this good," he said, turning and kissing the top of my head.

I put my arms around his torso. The first time he leaves this house he will be mobbed by lustful women of all ages. I had one chance.

"You should take a shower," I suggested, peeling his Tshirt off over his newly coiffured head.

"You should show me how to wash this," he replied, and I was confused about whether he was talking about his hair or the bulge in his boxers as I slipped his jeans down.

Whatever. I could wash.

He turned the water on and stripped my own clothing away, tossing the dress onto the floor of his bedroom through the open doorway.

"Fuck, where did you buy these?'"he asked as my tiny blue satin bra and panties appeared.

His hands shook as he watched my eyes for permission. I grabbed his hands and placed one on a breast and one between my throbbing thighs. For a moment, I feared he would faint. Instead, he swallowed loudly and gradually, oh so slowly, leaned towards me. The anticipation was killing me, so I closed my eyes and waited.

His lips covered mine and I pulled us closer and felt his hand invade my inner sanctum as a single long finger stroked my folds inside the blue satin. I wished I'd gone commando.

He touched my clit and a jolt hit both of us.

"Bella," he moaned, his finger moving faster now, as he caressed my center then back to the bundle of nerves on alert.

I guess we were guilty of wasting water as the streaming shower was ignored and he lifted me and lay me on his bed, his own body on top.

"Go inside, touch me inside," I begged. I wanted more, harder, but I had never been touched this way before and I had to idea how to choreograph this dance.

He knelt between my legs and pushed my thighs wide apart and his hands gently touched me as he opened my lower lips and looked at how girls differed from boys.

"Were does it feel best?" he asked, stroking down then forwards again.

"Oh God, there," I gasped as he gently fingered my clit.

"Here?" he said, rubbing back and forth, watching me swell and dampen. "Will this make you come?" he whispered.

I nodded and grabbed at the bedcover, my body reaching upwards to grind against his hands.

"Can I taste?" he asked, and I agreed. I had no idea what he wanted to taste...oh my God. I was immediately glad I had undergone the intense pain to endure my first Brazilian. I mean, it had been intended for Riley's benefit but at least that ordeal with hot wax and agony had not been for nothing.

He started sucking on me as his hands reached under my body and pulled me up closer to his mouth. Fuck me, all I could see was bright light as I raced towards the tunnel.

"Go to the light" I babbled as it suddenly exploded into a million silver stars.

"Bella, Bella," someone moaned and I felt him licking at me and I shook inside his mouth.

I had not even started coming down when he moved up and suddenly pushed himself inside me.

He grabbed my hands and entwined our fingers, holding our hands flat on either side of the pillow as he pushed in and out of my shuddering body.

His body rubbed against my fluttering clit and kept the pleasure flowing, even as the pain hit inside me.

He seemed excited by the blood that trickled down and out, and thrust harder. We were making one Hell of a mess of his bedcover but clearly he wasn't concerned. His body was hard and strong and nicely muscled, nothing like Emmett's thank God.

"Fuck this is awesome," he growled and held my gaze as he rocked himself to release.

"Bellaaaaaa"

He screamed into the night and I felt him fill me up and of course, it just hit me that this was really stupid. Amazing, awesome, painful and stupid. But I couldn't make him leave me. I loved the feeling, as he streamed into my body.

He collapsed at last, on top of me, and rolled off, pulling me into his arms.

I looked up at his beaming face as he rubbed his hand up and down my arm.

"That was the most incredible thing to ever happen to anyone, ever," he stated, reaching down to kiss me again. "I can't even find the words to thank you."

I shrugged. "I enjoyed it too. Are you sure you haven't done that before?"

"Bella, do you honestly think any girl has ever let me so much as touch her breasts?" he asked, his head on the side.

"They will. I promise you. Once everyone sees the new Edward, you will be fighting women off with a stick."

"I can't see that, but then, had anyone said the beautiful Bella Swan would be my first and I'd be hers, I would have had them committed. We should shower."

We did.

It was warm and soapy and he cleaned places he had been and made bleed and his lips somehow ended up around my nipples.

"You have no idea what you taste like," he whispered. "Better than anything else on Earth."

I washed his erection, it didn't seem to want to stay away and of course, he pushed me against the glass and pushed inside me again.

So much for the washing us clean.

It felt different standing up and there was no pain or tearing, just a feeling of being full and right and like he was part of me.

He caressed my clit with his fingers as he slowly pulled in and out of my body, and as soon as he brought me over the edge, he rammed inside me fast and hard until I felt him come again.

Then he put his arms around me and we stood there while the water washed down our bodies.

"Stay tonight. I just want to hold you," he begged.

"Okay," I replied. I was leaving for Seattle in the morning. What could Charlie do? Ground me once I got there?

"Nobody else is coming home tonight," he said, kissing me repeatedly on the face.

He turned off the water and wrapped us in the biggest bath sheet I had ever seen and took us back to his room. His bed was a mess but all he did was pull away the bloody cover and toss it into the spa bath.

We snuggled between the sheets and he held me close and stroked my hair from my forehead and kept grinning, catching my eye. It was as if we were the only two who knew about this amazing thing. I mean, we were. Nobody else knew. But I mean more than what had happened between us. It was like we were the first humans to make love.

It was like we knew something nobody else did.

I may have dozed now and then but I don't think he slept a wink. Every time I opened my eyes, he was looking at me, in disbelief.

I looked around his room and noticed a little collection of framed photographs, starting with a newborn Edward and then he aged about a year in each successive print. The toddler, the child, the boy, the teen, but none of the man. Charlie had displays like this of me all over the house.

"How old were you in the cowboy outfit?" I asked and Edward told me all about his childhood. It had been ideal, happy, filled with love.

It was so hard to admit this beautiful man was that shaggy teen in the final photo. He had aged years since his haircut and he even spoke differently now. Confidently. Proudly.

Edward had come of age and I had been the one to walk through it with him. He opened his bedside drawer and pulled out one of those old cameras that does the instant prints and snapped a photo of us, and he taped it on the wall beside the others. I stole Emmett's hair gel and spiked Edward's hair up and combed it into the centre at the back of his neck. He looked...amazing. He looked like he had just done a modelling shoot for a magazine. An upmarket magazine that only hired the best of the best.

He was transformed.

Of course, nothing came of that night. He cooked me breakfast and drove me home, stopping a few doors from our house to kiss me goodbye.

It was a long goodbye and despite the extreme briefness of our 'relationship', for it was one, of a kind, I didn't want to leave him. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and swore he would remember me forever.

I agreed, he would always have a place in my heart.

Charlie was waiting, in his chair, his hand on his service revolver so I was glad I had insisted on Edward just dropping me off at the front. He wanted to come in and extend our time together but I needed to switch back to myself and stop letting the fantasies that maybe I had been wrong and maybe there was such a thing as love out there.

Love does not happen that fast.

"Where were you?" Dad asked, standing up and walking to the front window to see whose car I had come home in. Edward was long gone.

"Jessica and I had to co-ordinate our college clothes," I said, and he laughed out loud.

"See, you do like her being Bella the Second. I hope you girls were not drinking."

"One SoCo and Coke," I replied, allowing him one small truth.

I was wrapped in a feeling of velvety comfort for days afterwards, and when it left me I had never felt as cold and alone before in my life. I was glad I had to work, and in time, reality returned and claimed me back.

We hadn't exchanged numbers, there was no way I wanted any lingering regrets. I had none at all and it was best to let it remain just a memory to pull out and wrap myself in when times got bad.

Then I met other men and Edward was moved to his rightful spot, as 'my first', nothing more or less.

I came back three years ago and he was still living it up in New York. It was surreal, the way the town buzzed now, all about Edward, their local boy done good. I don't think a single woman under sixty was unaware of his sexiness and good looks. So different to when he was "Carlisle's second boy. The shy one, with the hair."

And now it seemed we would meet again.

As we left the office, Rose smirked and pulled me aside.

"Idea. Why don't you pretend you had something with Edward Cullen once and distract Jessica from you and Jacob? It's genius. He was never anything to you. Sacrifice him to the greater good," she laughed.

"Sure, good idea," I agreed. What could go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

The Copycat

Chapter 2

EPOV

"I don't need you fixing me up, Dad," I thundered. God, had he hoped I would return to Forks married? New York had been fun, a lot of fun, but work was always my priority and girls came a distant second. I hadn't been looking for anything lasting and permanent. How many New York girls would be willing to uproot themselves from that lifestyle and come live in Forks?

I'm guessing it was less than one in a million.

Therefore my chances of meeting her were too remote to bother with.

"I know you could attract many girls all on your own but do me this one favour. This girl is special," he said with a smile.

"Dad, you had better not talk like that in front of Mom," I warned him. Was he seriously asking me to accompany some age inappropriate workplace crush he had? Was this his midlife crisis?

Mom walked in and placed fresh flowers in a vase and fiddled with them, getting them 'perfect'. God knows how women can see all these details and know what perfect is. They were flowers, in a vase.

"Oh, I'm with your father in this instance. I love her as much as he does," she said.

"Now you both sound creepy and weird," I replied, standing up and walking to the window. I could make a smart ass comment about them having a threesome with whoever they were both crushing on but I had a feeling it would not be appreciated and they might begin to wonder about what activities I had indulged in at college.

"Just this once, for the Ball. It's important to me, Edward. And I don't want her bringing her secret boyfriend. He's not the right one for her."

"Oh God, let's not let anyone choose their own partners," I laughed. "That would be terrible. Carlisle knows best. Have you taken up the role as village matchmaker since I left?" I asked him.

"He should. Your father always can tell which couples will last and which will flounder. We always get invited to all the weddings and Carlisle predicts how long each will last. He's nearly always right. Aren't you, dear?" Mom said.

"Well, it doesn't take a mind reader or a genius to know some of these kids are choosing partners based on sexual compatibility alone. Look at Jane and Riley. They were doomed from Day One. Why her father wasted all that money on what has become "Jane's first wedding" and been superseded already by Jane's second wedding..."

"Carlisle, you know she was expecting a baby. She thought marrying Riley was the right thing to do."

"Pity the baby was Afro American, then," he snickered.

"Well, at least she does know she got the right father this time. Laurent will be a great husband."

"Nope. I give them two years at the most. Marrying the man you hoped was the father then the man who actually was... Laurent knows he was second choice."

"I think it's quite surprising Riley wasn't the father myself. He seems to have fathered every other baby in town," Mom said, surprising me. She usually held the motto that if you didn't have something nice to say, shut the fuck up. Or something similar.

"Anyway, if I have to attend this Ball, I would prefer to take a woman of my own choosing," I repeated, just so they got the message loud and clear.

"Oh, Bella will be disappointed," Esme said, removing one flower and placing it at the back of the arrangement. "There, that's better."

"Bella? Bella Swan?" I asked, suddenly interested.

"Hmm, she's dating Mr Wrong and it won't last. The way things are going, she will marry him and live to regret it. I just want to save her some heartache. She is a lovely girl, Edward. So pretty and efficient and one day she'll have my job at the company," Dad replied.

"Bella Swan works for you? She came back to this backwater?" I asked in surprise. I guess never coming back here all these years had meant I was out of the loop completely. I'd known Bella in High School and she seemed to be the type of girl who would overcome her modest beginnings and climb her way to the top, but not here.

Somewhere better. Somewhere nicer.

"She likes Forks. She didn't like Seattle, not one bit," Mom stated. "She was so happy to come home again and be back with Charlie. He missed her so much. And Renee still gads about. Comes home now and then, begging forgiveness and Charlie takes her back, then the next pretty thing comes along and off she goes. She's a free spirit, all right."

"I can think of other words to describe her," Carlisle growled.

"Not everyone is suited for picket fences, dear," Mom replied. "To some of us, they are our protection from the world outside our families, but to others, they are prison bars."

"It would take more than a prison to keep Renee in the one place," Dad smirked.

"Well, Bella takes after Charlie. She loves her picket fences," Mom assured him.

"Yes, now there's an instance where the apple did fall far from the tree. Thank God. Bella is a truly wonderful girl. Not a virgin, one would suspect, by this age, but she certainly manages to keep her liaisons discrete. That's all you can ask these modern days Though the whole secret boyfriend thing is annoying. She could do a lot better for herself."

Definitely not a virgin. I grinned at the memory. The girl had done more than cash my v card, she had taken a shy, neurotic loser and made him see himself in an entirely new light.

I had marched into NYU full of faked confidence and sure enough, it had been as she promised. Girls wanted me. Lots of girls. Pretty girls, amazing girls, not just the wallflowers.

I was soon the most sought after date in the college.

My brother and virtual sister-in-law had been shocked when they visited me from their own college at SeattleU. We had gone to a lot of different bars and I'd had my share of attention in each.

Emmett had Rosalie so he wasn't out on the pull, but even he noticed all the eyes that looked my way and he changed his opinion of me, and actually became proud to be my brother.

He'd always shaken his head and wondered how he could be so out there and handsome and watched and wanted, while I fiddled with my chemistry set and read Dad's medical journals while he was out drinking and dancing and no doubt, fucking Rose on the dancefloor.

Then I went to NYU and I played a role at first, and pretended my one night affair with Bella had been a long term romance than had kept me from having other girlfriends in High School, thus the reason she'd been my one and only. We'd been in love, devastated to be parted, that was my sad story, and nobody had refuted it. Emmett would have called bullshit if he'd been there but Jasper had thought it was as good a line as any and Alice went along with whatever Jasper said. I was being brave and moving on, and so many girls wanted to help me with that.

It was quite unreal and amazing to me. Me, the boy at the lab table with the pity partner, who only sat beside me because she got a good view of all the attractive boys in the class.

She was always crushing on someone, and I had always assumed Jasper was her drug of choice but she couldn't have cared at all, she just stepped back as soon as Alice Brandon staked her claim.

The whole Riley bit had been an impulse, she hardly noticed him up until about a month before Prom. Then she started watching him as she sat beside me, smiling her secret smile, and I knew it was on. I figured he would have to be one very large fool to reject Bella, but what can I say, some men are morons.

Anyway, I sent him a Thank You basket that I'm sure puzzled the heck out of him. His rejection was my salvation.

Sometimes I still dream about that one night and wonder how it happened. I had wanted to kiss her, with all my heart and I knew there was zero chance of that happening, unless I asked her to consider it, if only because I'd saved her ass a few times in class. I'd given her the right answers when Banner called on her and caught her off guard as she gazed at Jasper or whoever else currently caught her fancy.

That reminded me of the lesbian chick that was always gazing at Bella. Jessica Stanley. Fuck, I'd hoped she wouldn't end up turning Bella's head with all her attention and little gifts and stalking. But Bella hated it and would thump her head down on the lab table when she received another little beribboned gift box from her wannbe lover.

It was cool for me. I loved the little boxes of handmade chocolates and imported candy Jessica gave Bella, and Bella all but threw at me.

"Take it. I would choke if I tried to eat them," she would snarl and I got the goodies.

Of course, I was always a little afraid there might be lesbian love notes inside, or weird sex toys lesbians played with, but that girl wasted a lot of time and money if she imagined Bella would ever be her girlfriend. Bella was straight, much to my joy.

"I guess in the circumstances, I should go with Bella. If it's all arranged already," I conceded.

"Good boy," Mom replied, smiling broadly at me.

"She did agree to this, right?" I checked. For all I knew, it could be all just some plan still inside my parents heads.

"More or less," Dad replied. "She blushed though. That's always good. She must remember you."

I hoped she did. I had sure remembered her. It had actually taken a while to let her go, mentally, and stop sitting about wondering where she was and who she was with and I even accepted every old Forks High School student who now attended SeattleU on my Facebook, just in case anyone mentioned her.

I could hardly question Emmett or Rose without inviting suspicion.

Mike Newton often posted things about her but he was a complete douche and the day he boasted about being in his dorm, fucking the lesbian while Bella was in her dorm, getting ready for their date, I wanted to jump on a plane and fly there and rip his head off.

But she dumped him soon after that. I hope he didn't break her heart. I was no judge but I really didn't think Mike had what it took to make a girl really fall in love with him. He was too...bland? Too nothing? No, forgettable. That's what he was.

I'd met a lot of girls like that myself. The ones you thought "maybe' but three days later you had forgotten their names and sometimes, the fact you had made a date with them. My mentor had steered me straight and made me sit down and discover for myself what type of girls I liked and what I wanted from them.

James was older than us and something of a perpetual student. He liked college, he liked college girls and he liked sex and luckily for him, those things all coincided in the one spot. He had a lot of sex, and his lifestyle was not one I wanted to emulate.

So, I didn't want a lot of meaningless hook ups and I didn't want anything permanent that would make me not want to go home once I was qualified, but I did want something in between.

"Short term relationships," James had declared. "Girls who will be exclusive with you but not expect anything shiny on their finger at the end. Girls with future plans that don't include marrying some medical student and suffering through the hard years, when it's all about work and living on a budget. Okay, now we have your demographic, let me make you a list."

It may sound cold and calculated, but James was a pretty good reader of people, especially women, and in no time he'd shared the signs I should be looking for. Or avoiding.

"And be very careful of the baby makers," he'd warned me.

"The what?" I'd replied.

"The girls who have one agenda. Get here, get pregnant, and screw you for child support for the next eighteen years. They have two or three kids quick smart and it can be considered a lifestyle with a guaranteed income."

"Oh God no, no babies," I agreed.

"Never take chances, Edward. Just keep in mind, that one time when you are caught out with no protection but a wonderful opportunity, when she assures you she can't conceive at this time of the month anyway and how could it hurt not using a condom just this once...most fertile stage ever.

The universe lays in wait to trap you, even if the girl doesn't. No glove, no love. And never believe their stories of being barren anyway, or being safe and on the Pill or having an implant. If you don't spend 24 hours a day with her and know she takes the tablet and doesn't make herself vomit it up later, or unless you inserted the damned implant yourself, then it doesn't exist.

You are responsible for keeping yourself not pregnant. Don't worry about her, it's you who doesn't want a kid. So look after yourself first."

"Right. Condoms are my best friend, got it."

"But also, Edward, condoms fail and condoms break. Maybe your best philosophy is, if you would really not want this girl to conceive with you, then keep the Hell out of her. Slip ups happen, make sure you like the girl enough so if that does happen, you won't jump off the nearest cliff rather than face eighteen years of shared parenthood with her."

"So, do you have any kids?" I asked him.

"None that I know of," he replied, lighting up a cigarette. "Twice I slipped up but both times, the girls in question didn't go through with the pregnancies."

"By your choice?" I asked.

"No, not at all. I was willing to get married each time or whatever they wanted but... Here's the thing, Edward. Their bodies, their choice. We don't actually get to have a say in it. Some woman doesn't want to have your kid, there's nothing you can do to stop her getting rid."

It was sobering and insightful and James' advice helped me all along the path I walked. I never slept with a girl until I knew her really well, and really liked her, and was willing to stick around if we slipped up.

It never happened, but then, I never took chances. I had the constant reminder of the look on James' face when he told me about his two lost children, the ones he had no say in the deaths of. I didn't ever want that to happen to me.

It took time to meet a girl I was really interested in, so my first year was mainly casual dating, and a few times I thought this one could be a keeper, but in time, they fizzled, so I was glad I hadn't slept with them and been left with regrets.

Siobhan was my first real girlfriend. We dated for six months the second year of college then we sealed the deal, and to my surprise, even though more than eighteen months had passed since that night, it was still bittersweet, being with another girl.

I suppose Bella never even thought of me again once she left, but I had carried her with me for quite a while before I let her go. I guess in many ways, I had been the girl that night and she the boy. She knew what she wanted and went after it, I was completely unaware that was even a possibility until it happened. And I'd crushed on her for four years by then, even though she barely knew I existed.

I'd been aware of everything about her and it had hurt, seeing her always enamoured with some other boy, but I knew I wasn't desirable to any of the female students and Bella was so high above me, so out of my league, I'd never expected her to notice me. I guess I had been something of a masochist. Enjoying the pain.

But that night made the four years worth everything.

I wandered around outside, checking out Dad's handyman improvements to the yard. We had a summerhouse of our own now, but I bet it would never have the memories of that other summerhouse at Charlotte's house, where I had my first real conversation with Bella.

I laughed to myself. This was crazy. The girl had been out of my system for years now. Siobhan had been followed by a few other girls. I hadn't really given much thought to Bella Swan for a very long time now.

Rose's red sportscar pulled up in front of the house and I walked around the corner to say Hi.

She and Emmett had finished their educations three years ago and come home, and Rose worked for Dad and Emmett worked for the team in Seattle.

He came home Wednesday nights and returned Thursday mornings, only because he missed Rose, and he was home for every weekend.

"You could have put on make up. Or changed into something a little sexy," Rose growled at the girl at her side as they collected files of some sort from the backseat of the convertible.

"Don't be insane. This isn't real, Rose. In fact, I'm starting to think it's a really stupid idea. Jessica has no idea about Jacob. Only yesterday she was slinging off about the Quileutes and saying she thought they were losers and the Rez needed to be taken away from them and sold as prime real estate. I just don't think she has the slightest idea I'm involved with Jake. Believe me, she would have been singing their praises and repeating their legends with awe if she knew and was crushing on him."

"But it never hurts to have a beard. It works for gay guys, they get some attractive chick to do their public appearances with and everyone falls for the obvious. I say date him and keep Jess off your back."

"You are forgetting, he's been in New York all this time. I'm sure he will think I'm some little backwater girl next door. Funny that, seeing I am," she retorted.

"Bella," Rose growled and I stopped chuckling to myself and really looked at her companion.

Wow.

It was Bella.

She had grown up very nicely. I wasn't sure that I liked the shorter hair but the rest of her was quite stunning.

She glanced around at that moment and caught me looking at her and suddenly the world stopped turning and I stood there like some deaf and mute statue.

She froze herself, and stopped dead still, her mouth slightly open, her eyes staring into mine.

There wasn't a sound reaching my ears until Rose broke the spell.

She turned, looked at Bella and looked at me and slapped her folders into Bella's arms then threw her hands up into the air.

"Oh pur-lease. No way. I don't believe this. You are getting married, Bella Swan, you don't get to act like this around any man but Jacob. Come to think of it, I've never seen you react this way to him."

She clapped her hands as if scaring off wild birds and I coughed and stepped forward and took the pile of report print outs from Bella's unresisting arms.

"Okay, new plan, here's what is going to happen. You," Rose said, pointing at me," will stay away from her. She's engaged. She's happy. And you," she said, facing Bella, "will snap out of this ...dazzlement...and go far away. Go home. Take my car. Esme will bring me to collect it later."

Rose threw her keys to Bella, who caught them and got into the car like some pre programmed robot, but her eyes caught mine and she blushed prettily.

Rose took my arm and led us inside, slamming the front door behind us as I turned and watched Bella drive away, through the side window.

"I see Bella was here," my father smiled, standing beside me. "Was I right? She's wonderful, isn't she?"

"Wonderful" I echoed.

"Oh for fucks sake," Rose cursed.

X~x~x~X

"Rose, what was that all about?" I asked her as my parents went into the kitchen.

"Bella is my best friend. Jake is her...I dunno. Chosen one? Soul mate? It's taken years for her to find someone and be happy, I don't want you rocking the boat."

"I don't intend rocking the boat," I replied.

"I know you two were lab partners but you were never anything at all to her. She never talked about you or gazed at you across the lunch room. She never wrote your name on her pencil case even. So what the fuck was that?"

Step one with Bella was always her writing 'his' name on her pencil case. Usually followed by her name with 'his' surname. I can't remember how many Bella Somebody's she had written over the four years we were in Forks High.

A lot.

She changed her mind over who she crushed on more often than Rosalie changed her shoes. Okay, maybe not. But she did change it a lot. She'd even been 'Bella Hale' briefly, before Alice put her invisible chains around my best friend and claimed him for herself. Jasper was like family, and once Emmett manned up and married Rose, he would be family, and I guess Alice would be too, seeing they were about to be married themselves.

Part of the reason I was back to do my last year of residency here was so I could bond again with Jasper. We'd been friends since we were in diapers and I missed him, after he graduated and moved back to our home town two years ago.

He and Alice had taken some extra course for a year, I don't think they had been ready to come back and face the families and the questions that inevitably pop up when you have been together that long and not yet tied the knot. They were doing everything at their own pace and had waited until marriage felt right for them, regardless of what their parents thought.

As far as I could tell, the Brandon's were for it and the Hale's against it. They thought Jasper 'could do better' but they were wrong. I should ask Carlisle, but I was already convinced they were a perfect match.

"So, Bella is engaged," I said, ignoring Rose's question. I wondered why Bella had never told Rose about that night, because clearly she had no idea. Was she ashamed it was me who took her virginity? I had hardly been someone to boast about at that time, but she and I had been sort of friends, of a kind. And she had cried when I took her home afterwards.

I know those tears were reaction to what we had done and how we had to part, and who knows what may have happened had she stayed, or had we both gone to the same destination.

I had thought about that very thing at the time. My feet had itched to change colleges and go surprise her but the knowledge my parents would kill me, and the fear Bella would have been less than thrilled had I done that, had stopped me.

We'd agreed to no contact and no regrets and it had been the best way. A clean break.

Not that you can break up from someone who wasn't even your girlfriend.

Rose sat down opposite me.

"Yeah. Well, virtually. He hasn't asked yet or given her a ring but it's about to happen. He's waiting for her birthday. Edward, I don't understand. I'm not stupid, something's happened. Tell me. Have you and Bella been in contact?"

"Nope," I replied honestly. "I haven't seen or spoken to her since before she went to Seattle."

"So, prom. Or the after party. Did you, I don't know...did you kiss her at Charlotte's house?"

"No, I didn't," I replied. Not at Charlotte's house. That was true.

"Hmm, so you weren't the one to give her her first kiss. I know it happened that night. God, surely it wasn't Riley after all."

"No, not Riley," I said, unthinkingly. "I mean, I saw Riley go off with Jane and that foreign student from France. And Bella was not with them."

"No, she was pissed at Riley by then. Fell out of love as quickly as she had fallen into love with him."

"I don't think you could call that love," I chuckled.

" No, you are right. More like lust. But back to you two. Why did she react like that? And why did she change after that night? When we got to Seattle the day before college began and met up with her again, she was different. Changed. She told me some local guy had popped her cherry but that didn't explain the change in her. But you never went to Seattle, did you?"

"The last time I went to Seattle was when I was about ten years old," I answered.

"I didn't really think it as you. Oh, no offence, but Edward, back then..."

"Yeah. Back then not a single female looked my way. You can say it."

"The magical properties of hair gel, who knew," she sighed. "Anyway, you didn't connect with anyone until your second year of college and then it was the Irish girl with the red hair, that we met when we visited you at NYU, so we know who cashed your card."

I smiled and kept eye contact.

"Oh, now I get it. Bella has never seen you without the hair. I mean, the bad hair. I guess the change is startling enough to make anyone stop in their tracks. I forgot you two hadn't laid eyes on one another since Prom. Hell, she probably wouldn't even have recognised you if you hadn't been here at this house."

"Who knows," I replied.

"Who cut your hair, by the way?"

"Which hairdresser?" I answered. "I went to that guy, Dan, that was working with Lauren's mother at her salon." All true. No offense to Bella, but she had left my hair a little uneven and too long to spike up and Dan had trimmed another inch off and shaped it for me. I'd needed something to do to distract myself from going back to the street Bella lived in and watching her leave for Seattle.

"The day after prom. God, why didn't you do it the day before? You could have done the time honored traditional v card cashing that night with some willing girl if you had."

"The haircut did make a big difference," I agreed.

"Okay. Now I get it. She was just shocked to see you looking so fuck hot. I can accept that."

I grinned. Rose had always despaired of me at school, and been completely blown away when I turned up transformed. I went through more hair gel than Emmett did in a year that first month, and my bathroom became my main living area as I washed and conditioned and styled the hair that had previously been lucky to have it's weekly shampoo.

Naturally, the haircut led to a complete change of wardrobe. I no longer felt the need to hide away in all black and my Mom for one, had been delighted to see me in colour again.

She made some positive comment every time I wore blue or red T shirts, and bought me numerous new outfits, nothing black, for weeks afterwards. By the time I went to college I had about enough clothes to last my entire education.

"You changed as well. You were so confident after Prom. You didn't hook up with any of the girls at that party?"

"Rose, is this an inquisition? I didn't know I had to answer so many questions about the past or I would have studied. It's Ancient History but no, I did not hook up at the party. I did not have sex at the party and I did not leave that party intending to have sex with anyone. Satisfied?"

"Sorry Edward. I just hate mysteries, and both of you were different after Prom."

"Maybe we all grew up a little, now we were no longer High School kids. Maybe we became adults. It is sobering, suddenly having to act and appear like a proper grown up."

Rose laughed. "Emmett didn't exactly mature that night. He was a drunken frat boy for the whole Freshman year until I kicked him into line. You were lucky to be at a different college and not be associated with him."

Emmett had gone to SeattleU solely because that was where his Rose was going. She didn't get the high grades like Jasper had, so their parents had decided he would get to attend the college of his choice, and Rose would stick closer to home. Emmett could not have stood to be parted from her, so we had headed off in different directions.

"So, it's all settled. Edward will accompany Bella and you will go with Emmett. Now why didn't Bella stay? It would have been a good opportunity for her and Edward to renew their friendship and for us to discuss the Ball," Dad said, laying the tea tray on the coffee table.

"I think she had to go see Jake," Rose said, staring at me.

"Jake. I kind of remember him. He went to school on the Res, right?" I said.

"Yes but he always loved Bella and it was Fate that she would come back and realise she did love him, after all. All the guys she dated in Seattle were losers and she never dated anyone more than once, after the Mike incident."

"Tell me about that," I said, as if I didn't know.

"Jessica is still stalking Bella and she managed to interfere with every date Bella ever had, including her brief thing with Mike. The bastard ended up bedding Jessica, which guaranteed he would never get to bed Bella."

"I don't think Bella is the kind of girl to have indiscriminate sex anyway," Esme said, pouring tea for us all.

"That was the problem," Rose continued. "She wanted to be with someone she had bonded with and not some fly by night who just wanted a one night stand. She isn't that type of girl."

I was glad our night together had not sent her down the road of meaningless coupling, though for some reason, knowing she was almost engaged to Jacob didn't sit well with me. Not that I knew anything derogatory about the man. I barely knew him at all, and I had never heard any scandal about him, so why was my mind saying he was not good enough for her? It was none of my business.

"And then she came home and Jacob was at her front door with flowers and promises and the rest is history," my Mother sighed. "I don't know why I agree with Carlisle over this. I guess they just don't exude the right type of vibe. They don't feel 'right' somehow. I don't understand it, Jake is a lovely man, so polite, and hard working. He owns his own garage now, Edward. He took out a loan and worked days and nights to pay it back, and he held a party for all his workers when he made that final payment. He has a reputation for being honest and only fixing whatever really needs to be fixed when you take your car in. No sudden discoveries that some other part has mysteriously eroded as well so he can up your bill. He takes excellent care of all of our cars. We wouldn't go to anyone else."

"It's not Jake," Carlisle said, standing and walking to the fireplace and leaning on the mantel.

"He loves her with all his heart. He would be good for her if she really wants to settle for less than perfect. He would never cheat on her or hurt her in any way. It's Bella. She lacks ...passion for him. I'm sure she likes him and possibly even loves him but she has so little real passion for him, it would be a tragedy if she married him. She's a hot blooded woman and she deserves to be with a man that stokes her fire and makes her burn."

Rose shook her head and raised her eyebrows at me.  
>"I think all that will come in time. They dated for two years before they moved in together. I think they are both pretty sure they are doing the right thing. Bella never complains about anything. She's happy enough."<p>

"But is 'happy enough' ever enough?" Carlisle asked.

"Not everyone is going to meet their Other half, like you two," I pointed out.

"Mores the pity," Esme replied. "I have never regretted waiting for your father. I had other boyfriends and the moment I met him, I knew. A little voice inside me said he was my One, and I didn't resist."

"That's me, irresistible," Carlisle grinned, walking to take Mom's hand and kissing her fingers.

"We should...check on that thing," Mom said and Dad nodded in agreement.

How awkward.

They disappeared upstairs and Rose and I tried to avoid one another's eyes as we heard their bedroom door slam closed so they could 'check on that thing'.

"So, I think I'll take tomorrow off work. I feel like going to Seattle and spending the night with Emmett, for some reason," Rose stated and walked away.

"You don't have your car," I pointed out.

"Damn," she replied.

"I could drive you to collect it," I offered.

"No," she said quickly. "There's no need, I can call a cab."

"I do know where she lives, Rose," I smiled at her.

"No, you don't, actually. She and Jake have had a house built and I don't want to see anything happening that could lead to Bella losing her half of that place."

"Rose, you are overreacting. There's nothing between Bella and I. You admitted that yourself. How could there be?"

"I have no idea," she answered. "But it felt like...like it feels, in the air, just before a thunder storm hits. It feel like if you two get close to one another, lightning will strike and everyone will get burned."

I raised my eyebrows and smiled.

That sounded quite interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

The Copycat

Chapter 3

BPOV

I drove towards our house with a sense of urgency that puzzled me. Somehow I felt the more miles between myself and Edward Cullen, the better. Why, I had no idea.

I wasn't scared of him exactly, but something had happened back there and I refused to analyse and work out what. It wasn't even something that could be put into words. My heart was thumping, and I knew it was just the adrenalin coursing through my veins as the 'fight or flight' urge had hit.

All I knew was, he was dangerous.

"Jake," I yelled as I pulled Rose's car into the garage parking lot. I ran from the car into the office and paused as my Jacob finished taking the credit card transaction from his customer, and thanked them for their patronage.

As they walked out, he turned to me, clearly worried.

"What's happened? What the Hell's wrong?" he asked, walking to my side, wiping his hands again on the cloth that hung from his belt. He hated the grubbiness of his job, but he only noticed it when I was nearby and he felt it was wrong to touch me still smeared in grease or whatever.

"Nothing," I said abruptly. What was wrong? Why had I run home like some frightened rabbit?

"I...Rose..."

"Is Rose okay?"

"Yes. It's just..."

"Bells, calm down and breathe," he ordered and put his arm around my shaking shoulders. "Is anybody hurt?"

"No," I shook my head to confirm that. "I just...Edward..."

"Oh, right," Jake growled. "The fucker is back in town five minutes and already he's honed in on you. I fucking knew he would."

"He didn't...say anything," I replied. I was confused myself, how could I start to explain?

"Did he touch you?" Jake asked, his eyes narrowed and dark.

"No. God, no. No."

"Bella, stay away from him," Jake warned me. "He's no good for you. Look what happened last time."

"Stop it," I yelled, surprising myself as well as Jacob. "He didn't ever do anything to harm me. It was all my over reaction. It was nothing."

"Nothing yet it put you this close to jumping off a cliff," Jake growled.

"Don't exaggerate. I just had a hard time moving away from home and going to a new place by myself. It was never anything to do with him.," I replied.

I had gone off to Seattle happily enough then the dark cloud had fallen over me and for a few months, things had been tough. And weird. It was like Edward was there with me, but out of my reach. I think my counsellor summed it up quite well. Edward had left some kind of imprint on my soul and it had taken time to realise it was all in my mind. Until that night, he had been nothing to me. No even really a friend. More a presence. He'd never done anything to make me mourn and long to see him again. We'd agreed, no contact, no regrets. I had never had regrets. Not a single one. In fact, if we could turn back time, I would have done exactly the same thing again. The sex had confused my view of him, and the haircut and the New Improved Edward had made me wish we had done that earlier, but nothing was real.

I'd imagined some magical connection that hadn't existed.

When I'd looked back through our yearbooks, the shaggy haired Edward did nothing to me.

When I looked at the Polaroid photo I'd stolen from his wall, my body had lit up and my heart had pounded. It was like he was a different person after that haircut, one that had done something to alter my very DNA. Ridiculous. I had craved to be with him like a drug addict craves their next hit.

I grasped my chest. It was as if he had started some fire inside me back then, and I had to endure the dreams and nightmares for weeks until it burned out and disappeared, and now somehow it was stoked up again. I could almost feel the burning inside my body, as if there really were a fire inside.

"Fuck, Bella. Fuck," Jake said, shaking his head. "You are mine and he had better accept that."

"Jake, he doesn't want me, I'm nothing to him. I never was."

"Tell yourself that," Jake growled. "Just like he was nothing to you."

"He wasn't. He was my first, that's all. Everyone feels something for their first. Well, girls do. It's just some thing that happens after you give yourself to the first man. It went away and it's just...muscle memory or something. It will go away again."

Jake turned a shade of purple and stamped his feet.

"I fucking knew it. I asked you time and time again and you said it was some guy in Seattle."

"God, I'm so sorry," I whimpered, like a scolded pup. How had that happened? I'd never told anyone, and now I'd told Jacob? The very last person who needed to hear that.

"Seth," Jake called into the workshop. "I'm finished for the day. You take over and lock up when you are done. The Owens' car is finished, and the Thompson's just needs a test drive."

"Righto, Boss," Seth called back. He walked out, his face smeared with grease and waved a hand at me. "Bella, are you okay?" he asked, suddenly concerned.

"I'm fine. I'm just fine," I answered crossly. I like Seth but I didn't want anyone else involved in this.

"Oh, just you were speeding in that hot car when you got here and you look kind of flushed," he said.

"Can we go?" I asked Jacob. This was just getting complicated.

"Why do you have Rosalie's car and where is yours?" Jake asked.

"We took some files to Carlisle, at his house, and Rose wanted me to leave so I did. My car is at the car park at work."

"Then drive her car home and I'll drive you to work myself in the morning."

I nodded and walked back to the red sports car.

"Edward's not working at the office, is he?" Jake asked me.

I paused.

"He's a doctor. He will be working at the hospital," I assured him.

"Time to find a new hospital. I guess we can go to the one at Port Angeles," Jake said.

"Don't be stupid. There's no reason..."

"I think there's every reason."

"Jake, can we just go home?" I pleaded.

Home.

Sanctuary.

A place of peace and calm, away from the rest of the world.

A taxi was pulling up as we arrived and Rose paid off the driver and stood, waiting as I pulled up.

"Are you okay?" she asked, glancing over towards Jake's car as he parked in the driveway.

"I'm fine. What is with everyone? I saw Edward Cullen, big deal. I sat beside him in Biology for four years and nobody cared. Why all the drama now?"

"I think you know the answer to that," she said quietly. "Hey Jake. How's it going?"

"Fine," he answered, shortly. "The car sounds good. I still say I could tune her up that bit extra if you let me."

"Never!" Rose laughed. She had always tuned the car herself, and serviced it, and washed it. Nobody touched Red Betty. "In your dreams. She's my baby and nobody else gets to hold her."

"I was surprised you let Bella drive it," Jake said, watching my face then Rose's as he approached.

"Bella wanted to race home to you. What can I say? I'm never going to stand in the way of true love."

"Thanks," Jake said, smiling warmly at her. She was clearly Team Jacob.

"I should go. I'm driving to Seattle for the night and taking tomorrow off work so you can cover for me, right?" she asked me.

"Speaking of not standing in the way of true love," I muttered.

"No, my dear. Pure lust is all I'm feeling at the moment. Carlisle and Esme...sometimes their connection makes me willing to drive for four hours just to ..connect myself."

She slid into the driver's seat as I stepped out and waved as she started the car up. It's soft purr was music to her ears and Jacob's. I alone saw cars as something to get you from A to B.

Jake unlocked our front door and stood back, waiting for me to enter first.

"Go have a rest, you look like you need it. I'm going to soak this filth off me and maybe we could go to dinner tonight, somewhere nice. Port Angeles. How about it?"

"Sure," I said, hoping this was a peace offering. I guess I should have admitted to Jake that Edward had been my first, long ago, but it had been my one secret, the only thing I had never wanted to share with anyone. Now it seemed, Edward had told Rose as well. Now four people knew. And she would tell Emmett and one of the Cullen boys would tell their parents.

It wasn't a big deal, not all this time later.

Everyone had a first, and I'm sure Edward had been with a lot of girls since me, and I hadn't exactly remained untouched. Jake knew about the other man I'd slept with, the night before I left Seattle.

Yes, two one night stands before I settled down with Jake and behaved honorably. God only knows why I had done that, maybe because it was my one chance to defeat Jessica finally. She'd had to go home the night beforehand, to be there in time for her mother's second wedding.

I'd ended up in a bar, toasting the end of my education with anyone who would raise their glass, and somehow I ended up leaving with a man.

Just a man, an ordinary, single, out on the pull type man and we'd exorcised Edward Cullen's ghost finally and I'd come home to Forks with a second notch on my bedpost.

And no end of confusion in my head.

Why hadn't that night with Marcus had any effect on me? I'd slightly regretted it, but I'd shrugged it off and just decided to never mention it to anyone, but it had never felt like a secret. Not like the secret I had kept in my heart all these years, until today.

The first time Rose asked me if I'd had a 'goodbye to Seattle fuck', I'd admitted, yes I had. I'd been neither ashamed nor proud. Two guys hardly put me in the skank catagory.

Even Jess found out and went kind of crazy and I suspect if she had been able to find out what Marcus's surname was, she would have gone back and spent a night with him, but there was no way she could know.

Because I hadn't asked him.

It hadn't mattered at all, and I never thought about him again, or dreamed about him, or missed him or went into a dark place over him.

That was strange.

How come Edward, and not Marcus? I had done much the same with both men, but I had learned there was some difference between them. With Edward, it had felt special, somehow, and with Marcus, it had felt like sport. Like a great run in the early morning mist before I got up and went to work.

Jake had asked me straight out if Edward had been my first and I was so used to guarding that secret, I had offered the same story as I had given Rose. A stranger, a fellow student who had transferred out the next day, I think that was how it went.

I could never work out why Jacob asked me that in the first place. I had never held a torch for Edward at school. Truly. Had he disappeared, I would have barely noticed his loss. I may have failed Biology, without his help, but that was hardly what defined love.

After Jacob made it crystal clear he didn't care about my past sexual history and wanted us to be a couple, I had worried for ages about where he would be after we made love for the first time. Would he enter my heart like Edward had, or would he be an outsider, like Marcus?

Neither, as it happened. He was somewhere in between.

I'd confided in only one person. My mother, Renee. It might seem like a strange choice but I figured she knew all about sleeping with a series of different men and possibly having different feelings about each of them, so I chose her.

No names, though she knew Jake was Number 3.

She'd been stunned by my first and the way I'd reacted, dismissed my second as irrelevant and unimportant, and sympathised about Jacob, saying it would be a long, hard road to ever feel about him as I had about Number One, but she had encouraged I try and give the relationship a chance.

Some days I am sure we are getting closer to a connection, then other days I feel like I'm kidding myself. The scariest thing had been the threat that Jake made, about us splitting up if I didn't start feeling for him the way he felt for me, but I had managed to slowly fake an increase in my affection for him, and until today, it had been enough.

I'd faked a lot of things with Jake. I just hoped he had been too lost in his own genuine orgasms to notice my pretend climaxes.

One thing I knew for certain was, I would rather be with Jake than be alone. That had to mean something.

The air might not crackle when we were together but we got on well enough. That's all there is.

Life is about companionship and liking the man you are with, and preferring him to anyone else, surely.

I'd always known this thing with Jake would be enough and until today, it had been. Now my body ached for a drug it was remembering from long ago, and I was determined to stay strong and be in charge of myself.

I dressed slowly and carefully, and I knew Jake's plan to propose on my birthday had just been moved up and tonight was the night.

The reappearance of Edward Cullen was not changing my life plan. I would be saying yes.

X~x~X

The restaurant was dimly lit and I made my way towards the table Jake had booked. He pulled out my chair and I sat down and gazed about, wondering how many of the other diners would notice what went down here at this table tonight. I hoped Jake would not go down on one knee and create a scene.

We'd only started looking at the menu when his cell buzzed.

Normally he ignored calls when we were out but he shrugged and held the screen of his iPhone up and showed me the caller.

Billy Black.

His father, who was confined to a wheelchair.

"Answer it," I replied to the unspoken question.

"Hey, Dad. What's up?" he said, then his eyes narrowed and he smiled apologetically at me.

"No, it's fine. I'll come. Bella won't mind. It's allright, Dad. See you in five."

Jake closed his phone and shrugged.

"His truck's broken down. He was in Port Angeles and just left to go home. It'll be the spark plug. I've got spares. You have a drink at the bar and I'll be back within twenty minutes. I promise."

"I'll come with you," I offered.

"No, that will just make him feel like he has spoiled the evening. I'll be right back."

I walked to the bar and sat up on a bar stool. Jake bought me a drink and kissed me quickly and left. I sipped my SoCo and checked my phone for messages and quickly typed a reply to Rose's message. _So, has he asked you yet, Mrs Black?_

"_Momentary delay,_" I replied and my phone instantly rang.

"Rose, go away," I growled. I listened to her plea and laughed.

"Nope, I am not leaving the line open so you can listen in. Go away."

I snapped it closed and it instantly rang again.

Damned Rose.

"Hah, I'll fix you," I muttered and turned my phone off completely.

"Can I buy you a drink?" a velvet voice asked, inches from my ear.

I didn't need to look to know who it was, my entire body was prickling with a charge that alerted me to his presence.

"Oh, why not?" I decided. "Thanks."

"Where did Jake shoot off to?" he asked, sitting on the bar stool beside mine.

"Emergency. He will be right back," I warned him as he turned to face me and leaned in closer than politeness dictated.

"Maybe I could keep you warm for him," Edward suggested.

"Where's your date? Are you here alone?" I asked.

"I just has this feeling that if I turned up here tonight, I would not go home disappointed," he said quietly, leaning a hand forward to put a lock of my hair behind my ear.

"You didn't sabotage Billy's truck, by any chance?" I joked.

"Ah, had I but thought of that. I could have slashed his tyres as well," he replied.

"_Get up and walk away_ " some unknown voice said, and I turned to see who had spoken.

Nobody was on the stool on other side of me, and I frowned.

"Is your conscience bothering you?" Edward asked.

"I haven't done anything to be ashamed of," I replied.

"No, you haven't. At least, not yet."

I laughed. I mean, he was just kidding around. I liked this Edward, the new Edward. So far removed from Nerd Edward. It's funny, I knew Nerd Edward for four years and New Edward for less than 24 hours but the latter had filled my head way more often than the former.

A group of fifty-somethings approached the bar and the man in front counted bar stools.

"Three bar stools short, we will have to get a booth," he said.

"Actually, we are just getting one ourselves," Edward informed him and he took my hand and left me no choice but to go with him. The only empty booth was right at the back in the darkest corner. I hesitated and Edward chuckled.

"You aren't afraid of me, are you?"

I shook my head and walked to the booth and slid into one side, stopping so Edward would have to sit opposite me.

He refused to take the hint, and half lifted, half pushed me along and settled himself in beside me instead.

"This is cosy," he said quietly and I squirmed as my mind screamed "Danger" and my panties dampened.

"Edward," I managed to mutter before somehow my lips were pressed onto his, and his were devouring mine. His hand was on the small of my back, pushing me closer to his body, and my breasts were squashed between us as my own arms somehow grabbed onto him.

When we finally came up for air, I tried to force my body to move away and leave some space between us.

"I don't do this. I don't cheat," I choked out.

"How long have you been sleeping with Jacob Black?" he asked me, in my ear.

"About fifteen months," I replied.

"Then you have been cheating on me," he replied, nuzzling my neck. "Is he the only one you've slept with?"

"There was one other guy. Marcus. One night stand," I confessed, just like that, like I was giving a sworn testimony in court and couldn't refuse to answer. "How many for you?"

"Three or four, I can't recall right now," he replied, as he kissed his way up my throat and caught my earlobe between his teeth. "I'm truly sorry. They meant nothing."

"I know," I replied, as I felt his hand slide inside my skirt.

"What are you doing?" I whimpered, helpless to try and stop him as my body arched towards his hand.

"I would like to be inside you but it's a little awkward here so I thought my fingers could remind me of how good and soft and wet you feel," he said as he slid them inside my useless panties. I felt the side of the bikini briefs part and he triumphantly pulled them away with his other hand and put them inside the pocket of his jeans.

His fingers pushed inside and my head was filled with images as I writhed on his hand.

"Do you remember another part of me, deep inside you, moving in there while you bled onto me?" he asked in my ear.

I bit my lip and nodded.

"Do you remember how I thrust inside you, over and over and over," he asked, thrusting his fingers into me repeatedly as he said that.

My eyes closed and he growled.

"No, open your eyes. I want to see you come," he demanded.

The band started playing some mercifully loud song as my body sang and my mouth called his name as he easily brought me over the brink.

My arms had somehow ended up around his neck and I sobbed his name as he kept stroking, kept the feelings flowing, and refused to let me come down.

"Keep coming for me, Baby," he whispered, "Just like you made me come inside you for so long, so very long, until I filled you up with my essence."

"Stop," I begged, unable to stand the feeling any longer.

"I wish I could put my mouth on you and lick you clean, lick all of your essence into my mouth, and swallow you down as I sucked on you," he whispered. "Remember, Bella?"

I felt my body explode again and he smiled and pulled me in close and somehow got me straddled onto his lap and his pants were open and he slipped inside me.

I know I should have stopped him but how does one halt a tsunami, especially when one wants more than anything for that tsunami to wash over them and drown them in it's wake?

He pushed and slid subtly back and forth and I felt my body move with is and he took very little time, coming with me as I somehow fluttered on him yet again.

His head fell to my shoulder and rested there as he kissed my skin and made it tingle.

I was finally able to look away from him, now his eyes were hidden from me, and to my surprise, nobody was even looking our way.

The dance floor had filled, and the couples there shielded us from the dining tables and bar, and the darkness had taken over as the only light source was a multi coloured ball above the dancers. We were in virtual blackness here at the back, Thank the Gods.

"Don't say yes. Please don't marry him, Bella."

"He..he hasn't asked me," I replied, hiding my face in his neck as he sat up straighter, his erection still inside me.

"We need some time to see if he is the right one for you. I don't think he is. You feel like you belong to me," he whispered.

"Edward, we hardly know each other. We have only shared sex, not anything else."

"Really? Do you honestly believe that? If you do, then go walk back to your table and I'll leave by the back door and go back to New York and you will never see me again."

"Don't go," I begged, clinging to him.

"Don't marry him," he replied again.

I could feel him inside me, both physically, as he rocked us gently, and inside my heart that felt like it had swollen and filled all of my chest.

"I won't," I promised.

"Please give us a chance, Bella. I know we are meant to be together."

"I feel it too," I murmured.

I did feel it, just as I felt my body, so long starved of satisfaction, contract and grip him tightly inside me, as we rode out another orgasm together.

"Come home with me. Leave him a message, I need to hold you tonight," he begged.

I managed to lift myself off him, this was hardly the place to be beginning my new hobby as instant whore, just add Edward.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I said and he adjusted his jeans and zipped them closed.

He stood and offered me his hand and we walked down the hallway and separated into the Men's and Ladies' Rooms.

I used the facilities and walked to the basin and washed my hands and face, looking at my rosy flushed cheeks in the mirror. I hadn't looked this serene in a long time. Something fluttered in my chest and I turned and hurried out of the room, anxious for the next bit. The long night in his arms.

"Jake," I said in shock as the door opened in front of me and my boyfriend appeared.

"Bells, it's Dad. He's had a heart attack. We have to go to the hospital. I called you on your phone over and over. You didn't answer."

"I turned it off," I realised out loud.

Jake grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the front door and off into the night. My treacherous eyes looked back, searching for Edward, and I saw him reading his pager and talking into his own phone. He looked around impatiently, then spoke to the waiter and handed him a twenty dollar note and left. The waiter sat at our booth and picked up my phone and purse.

Jake sped us toward the hospital and as we parked, Edward rushed inside in front of us.

Carlisle was there too, and Edward went with him into the ER.

"My father. Billy Black. He came in an ambulance," Jake explained.

The receptionist smiled that smile that meant 'you or someone you care about is totally fucked' and directed us to the waiting room.

"Dr Cullen will be out to talk to you shortly," she said.

Both Dr Cullens' came out to speak to us and Carlisle's eyes said 'there's nothing I can do' and Edward's said "Stay. I will understand. I will wait."

"No," Jake said before either could say the words.

He turned and grabbed me into his embrace and squeezed me tight. "I only needed one more night. He's wanted me to propose to Bella for so long and now he won't live to see us get married?"

"He won't last the night, Jacob. I'm so sorry."

"He's asking for you both," Edward added and I edged Jake towards the room.

Billy was a colour no human being is ever meant to be and he feebly held out a hand to Jake, who took it in his own.

"Did she say yes?" he choked.

Jake turned and looked at me.

"Bella..."

"Marry her, son and name our firstborn after me," Billy whispered. "Promise me."

"I promise. We promise, don't we, Bella?"

"Yes. We promise," I echoed, looking into Edward's eyes as they shut down and turned to black and became unreadable.

"I can die a happy man. Thank you Bella. Jake. I love you, son."

"I love you, Dad," he whispered as he watched the life die in Billy's eyes.

Jake held his father's lifeless hand for the longest time, and finally he wiped his eyes and stood up.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I thank God that I have you, Bella, because without you I wouldn't even want to go on. We were all each other had until you came along. He loved you like a daughter."

"And I loved him, Jake," I assured him.

It was hours later that we finally slipped into bed. Jake was needy and wanted me to forgo my nightly shower ritual but tonight it was more necessary than usual, and I assured him I would be quick. I washed all trace of Edward from me and dried my skin, feeling it tingle and buzz at the memory.

"Bella," Jake choked out, sitting on the side of the bed. "I can't believe tonight. I want to go to sleep and wake up and find out it was all some horrible nightmare."

"I wish that was possible," I answered, slipping between the sheets. Jake slid in beside me and I lay there all night, surrounded by the wrong arms.

I barely dared to sleep, afraid my old habit of talking in my sleep may recur, as it tended to when I was under stress.

I dozed on and off, and in the morning I struggled into my work clothes and did my hair and make up in the fastest and most basic manner.

"I'm sorry I can't stay home but with Rose in Seattle, they would have to close down the whole department without one of us there," I explained.

"It's fine. I have to arrange the funeral and go to the Res and tell everyone about his death," Jake said sadly. "I wish you could come with me, but it's really men's business. The men are told first and they pass on the news to their women."

"I'll be home as soon as I can," I promised.

Jessica stepped from her identical car, wearing her identical outfit and for the first time, it hit me how truly unimportant this all was. So, she wore the same clothes as i did and drove the same car and worked beside me.

I truly longed for the days when that was my biggest problem and concern. At the moment, it wouldn't even bother me if she had a full body and face lift and came to work looking absolutely identical to me.

In fact, maybe then I could train her to truly be me, then hand her to Jacob, and walk out with a clear conscience, and go to Edward.


	4. Chapter 4

The Copycat

Chapter 4

EPOV

There was no chance I would sleep that night, once Bella and Jacob left the hospital, so I opened the door to the balcony off my old bedroom and sat outside in the cold night air and smoked half a packet of cigarettes. I'd weaned myself down to two a day in my latest effort to give them up, but now I needed to get her taste out of my mouth. At least it had only been her lips on mine, not my mouth on any other part of her. The memory of how she has tasted there had lingered in my mind for years and I'd never managed to do that with any of the other girls. I don't know why, just that I hadn't wanted to.

Siobhan had hinted about it, and Tanya had outright demanded it, but I had resisted. It was too much something I wanted to keep as a Bella and I thing. I needed some thing to remain sacred. It was too much of a stretch to imagine I would never have sex again. I was not about to remain celibate, just because I would probably always wish it was with her, and from necessity it would be with others instead, so this one thing would remain just between us.

When I went to Sam's Bar, I had no intention of seeking out Bella Swan, in fact, I'd been rethinking my aversion to one night stands and considering going home with some random girl to end the bizarre connection that had lit up between Bella and myself at the house, with Rose witnessing everything. It couldn't lead to anything, so why let those strange feelings renew themselves after all this time had passed? There was no way I wanted to endure their slow death again as they lingered and struggled to remain alive, with no point to them at all, yet again.

It had been the hardest thing I had gone through in my life and it made the four years of longing to be with Bella beforehand completely insignificant, they were nothing by comparison. It had been true, it was so much harder losing her than never having her in the first place.

I had never regretted that night in the respect it had been the best night of my life, but the constant gnawing emptiness that followed was the worst feeling ever. I was an adult now yet still I feared going back to that pain again.

I'd bought a drink for some girl, I think she was a redhead. Once Bella arrived, I forgot this girl existed so I expect she had walked away from me at some point.

I felt Bella rather than saw her, the minute she walked in and so I sat at the bar and watched her. His back was to me, but I could see her face as her eyes looked around and I grabbed the waitress as she passed and kept her there for a moment, so she shielded me from Bella's gaze.

She was almost a different person now. The fiery, determined Bella from school was a closed off, guarded, restless shell of the one I had known.

She had no connection at all to the man opposite her at the table and if it wasn't for his distinctive long jet black hair, I would not have considered this could be Jacob Black, because of the way she was with him. Anyone who didn't know them would assume they were strangers almost. The picture they presented made one think of two friends sitting together, each waiting for their dates to show.

Of course, I knew the truth so that should not have influenced me, but I wanted to see the Bella I knew, not this girl in the mask. She looked relieved when he left, and didn't even watch him walk all the way out the door. She relaxed and sipped her drink and gazed into space so somehow my feet took that as permission to move to her end of the bar. I saw her demeanor change as I neared her and I knew she knew I was there, even though she didn't turn or look at me.

No sooner had she accepted my drink than the madness took over.

I didn't want to touch her, no, that was a lie. I did want to, but I can usually control my wants. I needed to touch her. I needed to erase him and his touch and make her mine again. I needed a hit of Bella Swan, my own personal heroin.

My hands did whatever they wanted, my mouth caught her lips, my tongue said the words that took away her plea that she didn't cheat, because I knew she did. Not on him, he was nothing. She had cheated on me and that hurt.

Then I realised, those affairs with Siobhan and Katrina and Tanya and the other girl, the blond whose name escaped me even though we lived together for over a year, were truly nothing.

They were ways of surviving without her, nothing more.

I had imagined I had feelings for each of them but if those were feelings, what was this? A tidal wave of passion and belonging and a complete sense of home. No matter what the circumstances, even if she sat here fat with his child and two more at home, she would still be mine.

I have no excuses for my behaviour after that, just a truth.

It's more than love, it's deeper than passion, it's everything. She's my world and I know I am hers, even if she doesn't acknowledge it yet.

It was sneaky, what I did, reminding her of the passion we shared, even though it had been our first times and it should have been clumsy and awkward and more about pain and embarrassment and less about completing one another.

I had listened to numerous tales of college boys recounting their first times over a few beers and the listeners had all laughed at how ungainly and inelegant and graceless their first times had been, as they bumbled their way inside some girl who had no more clue than they did. Those were the worst and funniest to recount, yet it had been nothing like my own experience.

Some guys had gone to professionals to be broken in, or semi professional girls who didn't charge but had been around the block so many times they should have been making money from it.

None had mentioned the overwhelming feelings of being one with the girl, or the conspiracy of knowing what you two had done was different to everyone else's first time; that feeling that you yourselves had discovered a form of sex nobody else knew about.

Nobody else had suffered from that loss when it was over, in fact, most had fled from the scene and avoided that girl from then on.

Even those who had cashed their v cards within a relationship had shaken their heads and thanked the Gods it improved in time, with practice, and that led to stories about the first time both partners involved had managed to achieve mutual satisfaction many encounters later.

A common thread amongst the men coupled up had been the regret that their girl had not enjoyed the first experience, or any of the next few that followed.

Those who had merely hooked up felt complete indifference about that.

I had never related my first time, for a few reasons. Firstly, because I knew we had been different , but the main thing was, it felt like a secret I couldn't share with anyone else but Bella, or it may be sullied. I hadn't entered her body until she had climaxed, and it was her own pleasure that made me have to experience my own straight after her. I had needed her to feel that thrill, and to know I had done that to her, and it had been my gift to her before she gave me her most precious gift back.

There may not have been any love on her side but my heart had been overflowing and it had enough feelings for both of us. And anyway, there was definitely something in her eyes, something that was not there now when she sat with Jacob.

It had been there at the house, the moment our eyes met.

Maybe it was what scared Rose so much.

I moved restlessly, mourning the fact we had not gotten to lie within a bed, any bed, and hold one another. My outdoor furniture was still covered in the customised weatherproof protectors so I'd just grabbed a pillow to sit on as I leaned up against the outside wall of the house. It was uncomfortable and did nothing to help me try and relax.

I hadn't begged her to come home with me for more sex, I had needed the joy of being with her in the dark, our bodies touching, that spark bouncing back and forth between us.

It felt like we had missed the more important part.

I lit another cigarette and wondered what to do next. Jake needed her, maybe even so much he wouldn't be able to survive the loss of her, after losing Billy so suddenly.

It was a bizarre ending to a night that had promised perfection earlier.

I hadn't even known she had left when I got the message from Carlisle to get to the hospital. The buzz had lessened as she parted from me to go the bathroom and it hadn't returned, so I'd put it down to her being too far away from me, but it seemed, she was already gone. I passed Jake's car on the road to Forks, and briefly felt her spark as the cars were momentarily side by side, then I streaked ahead of them and it was gone again.

At work, I'd never had any problem ceasing to be Edward and turning into Dr Cullen. So much so that when crisis point happened with Tanya and I, and I had rushed off to answer the summons from work mid conversation as she announced she was done waiting for me to feel about her the same way she felt about me, and she followed me to the ER, I had apparently looked right through her without recognition as I worked on the patient.

It had been the final straw and Tanya had cleaned out her belongings by the time I returned to my apartment. To be honest, I'd enjoyed the peace and solitude for weeks before looking for her replacement. Those four girls were interchangeable, they just needed to tick the boxes in the list James had helped me compile.

The last girl had been better, less hysterical, easier to live with, but it bothers me that I can't think of her name now.

The only name in my head is Bella.

Tonight I had to restrain myself from running to her and pulling her into my arms as she read Carlisle's eyes and knew there was no hope at all. We'd been surprised Billy had hung on long enough for his son and Bella to arrive, most patients with such massive heart damage died instantly.

I'd assured Bella with my eyes that I knew she had to stay with Jacob now, but it had not been me conceding defeat by any stretch of the imagination. I was merely saying we would talk later and sort things out. Find the best way to be together.

My main fear is that she has 'consoled' Jake the obvious way. It was a natural reaction, to need to feel as close as possible to someone you loved when something this bad happened. Jake would need to confirm his existence in this new world that his father no longer lived in, inside my Bella.

I tugged on my hair and banished the images from my brain. They were faulty, wrong. She would not be the same with him, not the same as she was with me.

She would let him touch her because she felt guilty for not loving him as he thought she did, but it was still blasphemous and wrong.

She was mine.

Carlisle woke me in the morning, and I moaned in pain as I stretched and stood up.

"You do have a perfectly good bed, was there a reason you slept out here on the hard floor?" he questioned.

"I didn't expect to sleep at all," I replied.

"For someone who fought against our suggestion that you take Bella to the Ball, you seem disproportionately disturbed by her presence at the ER."

"Tell me about it. And I didn't know it was Bella you were matchmaking me with, don't forget," I reminded him.

"What's going on, Edward?" he asked. "Rose drove all the way to Seattle to be with Emmett and yet she spent half an hour on the phone, pleading with Esme to make sure I cancel the arrangement for you and Bella to go together to the Ball. That's not like Rosalie. Usually she turns her phone off while they are together. Even when her father was really ill, she said if he died, her taking a call wouldn't change anything and bring him back to life. Yet she spared a whole thirty minutes to argue with your mother?"

"Rose isn't blind. She is probably the most perceptive of us all."

"Yet she thinks Jacob is the right man for Bella. There are none so blind as she who will not see."

"I see the truth and I suspect you do as well, Yenta."

"That is a misnomer, a Jewish matchmaker is not called a Yenta, that was merely the name of the matchmaker in Fiddler on The Roof. He was a shadchan. And we aren't Jewish anyway."

"Dad, I don't care. Just tell me if Bella and I are meant to be together."

"You always have been. I knew the first day you met her, at Forks High's open day, when all the graduates from Middle school were finding their way around the maze of buildings and you walked straight up to her and offered to interpret the school map for her."

I laughed. "She drew me towards her like a magnet, I had no choice in the matter and the only thing I could think of saying was blabbering about the map in her hand. I'd possibly never spoken to another girl before that. I was the quiet shy type, remember."

"And she sat beside you in Biology. I think you told your mother and I that fact about fifty times after your first day at that school."

"She didn't sit beside me to be with me, she just wanted the best vantage point for looking over what boys the class had to offer."

"Or she felt the pull and refused to let it run her life," he replied. "She has never been a pushover. Not until she came home from SeattleU. I was there to collect Emmett and Rose and she came straight up to me and asked me if you were home yet. I explained you had a further four years before you'd be done and her face fell.

Then Charlie took her home and next thing, she and Jacob were the newest topic of conversation in town. Not because they were amazing together. Just because everyone was stunned she settled for him. There's so little between them on her side, Edward. You know you could click your fingers and take her away from him."

"He needs her. Believe me, it's not me being noble and saying he gets first dibs. I'm just afraid if Jake did anything reckless, she would never come to me afterwards. And I fear he is teetering on the brink at the moment. Having his Mom and twin sisters killed in that car crash when he was eight...he and Billy have always been the only two of that family left and they consoled one another, and lived for each other. Then along came Bella, and no doubt she rocked his tiny world and expanded it. Now Billy is gone, he has transferred all of his feelings onto her. She literally is his everything. How do I take her away and leave him truly alone? How does she let me?"

"I can't answer you. I know you are what she needs and she is what you deserve, but I just see the match, not the steps to achieve it. I think you are right not to push her or interfere with her relationship in any way, but had Billy not died, I would have encouraged you to lay your cards on the table and fight for her. Ultimately it's all in her hands. Will her love for you be stronger than her sense of decency that may force her to stick by his side now he needs her so much?"

"She loves me?" I asked him with a grin. If she did, that would change things, and make the waiting more bearable.

"Never doubt that, Edward. I don't know if she knows it yet. She will. Just as one day soon you will verbalise how much you love her, until your mother and I get sick of hearing about it."

"Really? This is love?"

"Edward, do you see yourself with her forever?"

"Without the slightest doubt," I replied.

"And if that never happens, do you see yourself with anyone else instead?"

"No. I did try. I even thought, once or twice, I was with girls I could stay with long term."

"Name names," he replied.

"Not Tanya, or Siobhan, but maybe Katrina and even more so, ...fuck. What was her name? I lived with her for a year and I almost had the talk with her, about bringing her back here to see if she thought there was any chance she could stand living in Forks."

"Would that be Bree?" my father laughed.

"Fuck me. Bree. Of course. I never realised she was so easily forgettable."

"She's not. She's just been eclipsed. It's hard to remember the moon when it slips behind the Sun."

I had to agree. Bree was my moon, and in another lifetime, we could have managed to be something together, but all the same, it would have been something a lot paler than Bella and I could be.

Bella was my sun, and her brilliance outshone any radiance anyone else managed.

"Bree," I laughed, shaking my head in wonder. I had said her name so many times, in so many ways, and yet since Bella turned up, I'd forgotten her very name.

"I probably wouldn't repeat this story to Bree," my father laughed.

"Nope, definitely not," I agreed. I didn't expect to ever hear from her again, but if I did, I would show her more respect than to tell her about this complete erasing of her from my mind.

"Get showered and dressed and come into the office with me. Bella won't be there, I've sent her a text giving her the week off, so it would be a good opportunity for you to visit and see my hobby."

Mom served up a cooked breakfast and I started to feel able to face the day. She smiled a lot and I knew she was as aware of my situation as my father was. And let's not forget Rose.

The building was the tallest in Forks, though that was not much of a challenge, but it was impressive. Dad frowned when he saw Bella's car in the car park.

"She took Rose's car home and Rose went and took it back from there," I explained. "Clearly someone will have to come and fetch it home for her."

"Oh good. She needs some time to get her head straight. We can shut down the department until Rose returns and takes..."

He stopped both walking and talking as a girl in the distance caught his eye. "Bella?"

Despite the similarity, I knew instantly it wasn't her. Same build, same haircut, same nose even, but no, not Bella. No tingle, no buzz, no pull. Nothing.

The girl turned and walked towards us, and the closer she got, the less the likeness lasted.

"Jessica Stanley, Dr Cullen. Bella is.." the girl said.

"Away, I know," Carlisle answered.

"And Rose is in Seattle," Jessica added, speaking to my father but looking at me, with a frown.

"Do I know you? You look kind of familiar but somehow wrong. Have you ever been to Forks before?"

"I lived here all my life, until I went to medical school in New York, the same year you went to SeattleU with Bella."

She still couldn't place me.

"Jennifer, this is my younger son, Edward," Dad said, clearly irritated.

"No. I knew Edward. I never actually spoke to him but he was in all my classes. This is not Edward," she denied. "Edward was..."

She stilled. She looked into my eyes and I saw a hint of sudden recognition in hers.

"Oh My God. It **is** Edward. It can't be, but it is."

I smirked.

"Wow," she said, clearly amazed and dumbfounded, and impressed. Very impressed.

"Thank you," I grinned.

She pushed past Carlisle and stood in front of me, her hands behind her back, pushing her breasts out almost into my face, with her five inch heels upping her height. It was one of the immediate pointers that this girl could not be Bella when we first saw her.

My father growled impatiently.

"So, is there a Mrs Edward?" she asked.

"Jessica, you only chase after Bella's boyfriends and Edward has never been that," Rose said, walking through the door. "Oh my God, you have heels on. Bella never wears heels."

"I thought you were staying in Seattle today?" Dad said in surprise.

"Somehow I had the feeling I needed to come home urgently," Rose replied, staring at me. "I consider myself Bella's personal bodyguard and I think she needs protecting."

"But she isn't here today. After Billy dying like that, she needs at least a week off," Dad replied.

"What? Billy Black is dead? Fuck me. Bella..." she yelled and left the room.

I followed her, and felt the buzz start as I walked down the hallway. Bella was in the building.

"How could you have not told me? He's your father-in-law for God's sake."

"I forgot, Rose. So much has happened, it just slipped my mind."

"Bella, that's not normal," she said worriedly. "Did Carlisle check you over and make sure you aren't in shock?"

"Shock. That's just what I am in," she said, flipping her hair back. "Or else a parallel universe."

"Then that would explain Jessica's shoes. She has the new Louboutins on, with six inch heels. I will never believe she saw them on you first."

"Maybe Jess is getting over the whole ridiculous thing at last," Bella said dully.

I stepped into the room. "How are you feeling, Bella? Did you get any sleep last night?"

"What is it to you, exactly?" Rose asked.  
>"I saw Bella <strong>and <strong>Jake at the hospital last night after Billy died. I was merely enquiring about her health," I retorted. "How's Jake today?"

"He's handling it," she answered, looking at the mail on her desk rather than at me.

"I thought you had the week off, to recover," I replied, sitting on the corner of her desk, trying to force her to look at me.

"I didn't know Rose would be in so I thought I should cover for her," she murmured, opening a letter and pretending to read it.

"Rosalie, a word, please," Dad said from the doorway. "In my office."

She hesitated and looked from me to Bella and back again, as if waiting for me to attack the girl.

"Rosalie," Dad repeated, and she reluctantly walked out behind him.

"How was last night?" I asked Bella quietly.

"Are you really trying to be funny?" she asked, finally looking my way.

"No, I genuinely am concerned about how you are coping and how Jake is as well."

"Jake will be fine, if I stay with him. I don't want to, and I had no intention of ever sleeping with him again after...what happened, because I am not some cheap whore who sleeps with two men, especially when one of those men thinks I love him and intend marrying him."

"Is that me?" I checked. "Or Jacob?"

"Edward, it's not funny," she replied. She lay her head on the desk and I stood and moved to stand behind her.

"I'm sorry. I had no intention of doing any of that last night. I didn't even know you were going to Sam's Bar and Grill. I wasn't following you."

"Then what were you doing there?"

"Honestly?" I checked. She nodded.

"I felt that damned pull yesterday and knew I had to stop the snowball before it gained momentum and got out of control so I went looking for a distraction," I replied. "Bella, if we can never be together, and you intend marrying Jake and having that grandchild of Billy's, tell me now. Set me free."

She stood and faced me and I refused to step back. I put my arms loosely around her waist. I just had to touch her, in any way. Innocently was fine by me.

"You know what I crave. Another hit of my own personal drug. But if I leave him, what will he do? He's shattered. Even if I stay, he is going to take years to get over this. If I go...I don't know what he will do, Edward. I can't live with his death on my conscience."

"So, you are staying?" I asked.

"I'm neither staying nor going. I'm explaining to Jake that things will not happen like he wants them to, but I will be there to help him through this, as a friend. For as long as he needs me."

"And I'm supposed to sit and wait?" I checked. I didn't mean it to sound as abrupt as it came out.

"That would be entirely up to you," she replied. "Nobody is asking anything of you. You are single and free and haven't made any promises," she said, and I leaned in to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"I've made promises that I can't possibly keep, so instead, I have to go back and ruin a good man. And try and stop him doing anything reckless."

"Are we ever going to be together?" I asked her.

"You know the answer to that. I'm not leaving Jake and running to you, but you know as well as I do, I don't have the strength to stay away from you. You have some kind of hold over me. I can't be with you openly, it would push Jake over the edge."

"So, sneaking around it is," I said softly, kissing the top of her head. "Bella, I would settle for whatever you can give me. I do want it all, but if this is all we can have for now, so be it. I'll get my own place. Rose is at the parent's house too often to ever hide this from her eagle eyes."

"The cottage?" she whispered back.

"Good idea," I replied. My grandparents had left me a small stone cottage in a large acreage of land out in the forest. I'd once taken Bella there for some Science homework expedition, something to do with flora of the forest I believe. I hadn't cared why, I just wanted her to see my house. No other sixteen year old student owned their own place and although I didn't live there, I owned it.

It was in the bottom of a meadow and she had been enchanted by the wild flowers that happened to be in bloom at that time.

I hadn't been back there since I left for New York. I should do that. Mom would have kept the place up for me, without me asking.

"Will you come to me sometimes?" I asked her. "Will you sleep in my arms?"

Bella bit her lip and stepped back away from my embrace.

"In theory, no, because that would be wrong. In reality, of course I will."

"I need to hold you for a night, soon," I begged. "It felt so incomplete, the sex without the chance to embrace and sleep together, literally. Like lust without love, and you know we share both."

"Just let the funeral happen, then Jake and I will talk," she promised. "I'm not a good person, Edward. You should stay away from me."

"You are a good person. You are just with the wrong man and in a pretty impossible situation and if I had any integrity, I would go back to the city and let you work things out in your own time, and not tarnish your soul like this."

She stepped forward and put her arms around my waist. I embraced her again, and felt her heart beating against my body.

"Don't go. It would be Hell without you," she whispered.

"If we're going to Hell, at least let us go together," I murmured, kissing her on her red full lips.


	5. Chapter 5

The Copycat

Chapter 5

BPOV

My mind had been in turmoil for so long, I was surprised to feel a sense of calm descend as I walked into Edward's cottage. His grin had lit up his entire face when he answered my knock, and he had immediately welcomed me into his arms.

"You don't know how long I've waited for you," he sighed.

"Three days and fourteen hours and ten minutes" I guessed.

"Really, it seemed a whole lot longer. Days without you are like weeks. How did you escape tonight?"

"It's the traditional male only send off bonfire of a warrior spirit on the Res, so Jake will be out all night, and I would be at the house alone, so I thought..."

"Why not come and spend the night with me," he finished for me. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Queasy. Don't look so smug, I'm queasy because I really have no more excuses about putting off The Talk any longer, after tonight. I have to shatter Jacob's dreams and plans for our future. He has no idea Edward. I wish he could see this coming, but he's completely oblivious and keeps going on about starting the baby to name after his Dad, and not waiting for the wedding, because none of that is as important as producing William Jacob Black."

"Have you and he..."

"No, somehow I have managed to burst into tears every time he has attempted to touch me, and it's put him right off. Sadly he assumes it's for the noble reason I am mourning his father, not because I can't bear the thought of him inside me now. I can't get away with this much longer so tomorrow is the day I tell him. I just wish I knew how he would react."

"You must know he is going to fight tooth and nail to keep you. Are you sure this is the best way? I'm happy to be at your side and defend our love to him."

"Do you want to kill him, Edward, because that is what will happen if he knows I love somebody else."

"Let's talk about that then. Do you love me, truly? Do you love me more than you ever loved him?" he asked, his eyes wide and pleading like some lap dog, even though he knew already.

"You know, there was a time when I thought 'one day'...that maybe true love takes time and effort and Jake and I just needed more of both, then we could really fall in love and be happy. I did try."

"I'm sure you did, but when you consider what we share is so effortless, then you have to admit there's no comparison."

"I know," I replied.

Edward scooped me into his arms and carried me to his bedroom. It was maybe the largest room in the cottage; it was definitely the best anyway. The double glass doors opened onto a hidden garden in a courtyard, with a pool that had formed naturally in the riverbed, so he had fenced it in for privacy and the water changed every day as the river water ran through the pipes plumbed in underground.

You could hear it babble like a brook as you lay in his bed, I discovered, as he slowly stripped my clothes away and started kissing every available inch of my skin. I was torn between asking him to stop, and leaving me with some slight sense of decency, or just letting him do whatever he wanted. He knew he owned me, so why fight it?

Because I hadn't broken up with Jake as yet. I had to do that but not so much for Jacob's sake, sadly. I wanted an honest relationship with Edward, and that would not happen until I did The Talk and moved Jake to the friend side of the ledger. It felt right being with Edward, so different to how it had been with Jacob. We had never meshed well, and I knew that. Knowing Jake loved me so much, I had decided at some point that I could and would live that way, letting him delude himself that we loved equally, when all I felt for him was something more than friendship but far short of love.

I shook my head, amazed at how deluded I had been for ever thinking that could be enough. It was like eating stale bread and drinking brackish water when all the time, my mouth drooled for roast beef and champagne.

Edward sighed and stripped his own clothes off and pulled the covers over us, and then pulled me into his side so closely the buzz was too distracting to ignore.

"I love this," I admitted, leaning over so my breasts pressed against his chest. My whole body felt alive in a way it never had since that night. It's strange, I had assumed that was just what happened when you were sleeping with someone, anyone...how wrong could I be?

My every cell lit up in pleasure and Edward was doing nothing more than rubbing my upper arm with his hand. Just being beside him was all I needed, for now.

Of course I hoped we would make love again, it had clouded my mind and made work impossible, but also made surviving this ordeal manageable. I felt like such a fraud. Everyone made constant excuses for me as I stuffed up time and again.

Poor Bella, she's grieving. Naturally she can't get anything done right. She can only think about Jacob, and poor dead Billy.

Nobody knew the images in my brain were actually of someone very much alive, and the sighs that escaped my lips now and then were hardly those induced by grief.

I was sufficiently worried that things would not just click into place with Edward and I, to have real reason for the frown on my forehead, but everything else was just wrongly attributed to pain I was barely feeling. I was sorry for Jake, but selfishly I was more sorry for myself. Had this not happened, I could have simply told Jake I needed time and space to think about where we were headed, and moved into some small rented room and made a graceful transition from him to Edward, in a way many women my age did when 'something better came along'.

He wasn't just better, he was mine and we were meant to be and I was not about to sacrifice my life and our happiness for a man I had always struggled to feel more than friendship for.

Yes, I am a selfish cow who never deserved Jake's love, tell me something I don't know. Yes, I do know I should not be here, in Edward's arms, but it's what I need and everyone keeps telling me to look after myself at this point in time, so I am.

"I don't quite get this," I admitted, as Edward gazed into my eyes and kissed my cheek impulsively every few seconds. "I mean, I was sad, really sad, when I got to Seattle and realised that was it, us done, over with. That you had probably forgotten me already and raced into many other beds now you could, and I did try to date. I didn't become an emo and cut myself or anything. I looked for someone to have feelings for. Your words kept sifting through my head, about how I was too young to be so cynical about love, so I thought I would find someone and give relationships a go.

I even tried dating Mike Newton," I admitted, confused. I had never liked Mike, he was arrogant and full of himself and when I caught him with Jess, it was like that had given me the key to flee from him. I had been cross about his cheating, but there was no angst or pain at that betrayal, just a stab in my ego that I had not been enough.

Nobody else had really attracted me either, past the superficial. A few guys had been pretty enough to make me think being on their arm would be nice, but I knew even back then I was wasting my time and I never felt anything more than annoyance when Jess changed direction and pursued the next one.

In fact, I made a game of it and accepted a date with any man I knew was exactly the opposite to what she liked. Just to see her frown and hesitate before chasing them next. It had been funny, a game to fill in my empty nights.

A few of the guys had managed to steal a kiss but never twice. That had been a deal breaker. I wanted to only kiss the ones I considered worthy.

Which one would that have been, Bella? I laughed inside. None of them, actually.

"Maybe anyone would do, seeing you were just looking for a distraction," Edward suggested.

He lifted me so my naked body lay directly on top of his and stroked my back gently.

We simmered, our skin humming at the contact. My head was tucked in under his chin and I felt his heartbeat falter and then beat synchronized with my own.

I sighed contentedly, and closed my eyes. This was meant to be Hell but it sure did a good job of imitating Heaven instead. I had rarely felt as relaxed and comforted and just happy to be alive.

It was probably the most stressful time of my life yet somehow that didn't matter, not if I had Edward to hold me.

We slept, amazing as that is. We slept all night and when we awoke in the dawn, neither of us had moved an inch and I was still in the same position.

Edward laughed and rolled me to his side and started kissing me, his lips on my throat and earlobe and then my mouth, despite morning breath. He tasted as fresh as a morning dew so maybe I did as well. He certainly was not holding back.

"We should wait and keep this as a reward for your chore today," he whispered as my legs opened to him and he stroked across my folds with a finger. "that way you will go through with it, and not back out."

I wriggled and tried to get that finger inside my folds, where I wanted it.

"Naughty Bella," he whispered.

Naughty? Try Instant Whore.

Try Shameless Tart.

All I could think about was racing from this bed, finding Jacob, blurting out the truth in ten words or less, just to return here and finish this pleasure Edward was promising. I swear I momentarily considered telling Jake in a text.

_Hey Jake, about the whole wedding and baby thing. Not happening. So, yeah. It's been a blast, we should grab a drink together sometime. Keep the house, I can barely remember what I liked about it. C ya. Oh, sorry about your Dad._

"Edward," I moaned, rolling onto my back so he rolled over on top of me. "Please."

He palmed my mound and the fire burned brighter.

I grabbed his hand and parted my own labia and forced his finger to stroke me, writhing against him as he sucked on my neck and moaned into my ear.

Really? You think I'm touching that long hard erection when you refuse to put it inside me? I rubbed the tip against my clit and made him as needy as I was, and I grinned in malicious relief as it took me over the edge and just made him want me desperately as I pulsed on his rock hardness.

"Well, I should go find Jake," I said, pushing him away and jumping out of bed.

"Bella," he growled warningly.

"We should keep that, as my reward," I repeated back to him.

I didn't even see him spring from the bed, but suddenly he was not only on top of me, but inside me as well, thrusting hard as he mock glared into my eyes. He grabbed both hands and jerked then up above my head and held them tightly.

"You. Are. So. Bad." he grunted. "So. Very. Bad. I. Have. To. Punish. You."

Crap, poor me, being punished this way.

I raised my hips to bring myself in closer and threw my legs around his waist, digging my heels into his back and forcing every inch of him inside me. He had been holding back on me.

Of course, him being as large as he was, it did hit new places and make my eyes water. It took a moment to stop being almost painful, in fact. I was not used to his size and width and my body was madly trying to adjust and let him fully penetrate in deep.

"Oh God, Edward," I moaned as my lady parts adjusted and all I could feel was him fitting exactly inside me, with no room to spare, and as a result, he was hitting everything.

Fuck, how could sex be like this? I had long accepted it as just another chore I had to complete with Jacob, like the housework and grocery shopping.

It was what women let men do, but it didn't mean it they enjoyed it. I was used to compiling my grocery list in my head and arranging this weeks schedule, as Jake did his thing.

I'd read once that sex where the man got off and the woman simply lay there and endured it was really just another way the man in question masturbated and it had seemed quite true.

Nothing in it for anyone else.

I could not imagine sex with Edward ever being that way. He was everywhere, and I was fully aware of every inch of him, and I couldn't think of my own name let alone if I needed salad vegetables or bread.

My body quaked and shook as the earth rocked and all I could see now were his green eyes amongst the thousand stars that flashed in front of me.

"Fuck me," I shouted, shocking myself.

"Okay fine," he growled, pulling out and rolling me onto my belly.

Oh shit. I knew he would feel even larger this way and I held my breath as he thrust inside me again.

He chuckled and paused, stroking my hair and biting my earlobe. "Just breathe, Bella."

He rocked gently, and I breathed my way through it until it felt like he was part of me again.

His hands sought under my torso, finding my breasts and he started rolling my nipples until I honestly thought I would combust.

He felt it, me, coming, and let himself go and jerked hard but slowly so I felt every drop of his offering as it filled me, as he pulled out and thrust back in gently.

I collapsed against the floor rug and let the waves roll over us and wondered how the Hell it could be so opposite to what I was used to.

My mind was automatically reminding me it was time to fake it but that was no longer necessary.

The pulsing was flowing from the top of my head, where Edward was kissing, to my toes, that curled up and cried in delight as we jolted together in absolute pleasure as his rock hard arms clutched me tightly to him.

_Just die now_, a voice inside me said. _It will never get better than this, surely_.

No, I argued. What if it did? What if by some miracle, we got even better with time and practice?

Edward finally left me and rolled me to my side.

"Sorry, but you asked for that. Are you okay? I lost it for a minute. Bella, speak to me. Are you all right?" he sounded concerned, worried. I should reassure him. That would be the kind thing to do.

I smiled into the fake fur rug.

"Please Sir, could I have some more?"

Edward lay onto his back and roared with laughter and I lay my head on his chest.

"You will be the death of me," he chuckled.

"But what a way to go," I sighed.

X~x~X~x~X

"Jacob, we need to talk."

Jake stopped talking and stilled. Fuck, this was hard and strange but necessary.

He misinterpreted my facial expression and put his arm around me. It was all I could manage not to shake it off.

"Bells, I know what you are thinking. I know you are a woman and you want the wedding before the baby and you think it would be best if everything was in the right, socially acceptable order. But..."

"Jake," I cut him off. "I think... It's like this. Billy's death was so sudden and unexpected, it made me really think about what I want from life, and having a baby and settling down are not high on my priorities right now. In fact, I can't ever see myself wanting either of those things."

He looked shocked, but at least it stopped him talking.

"I've never seen myself as a Mom. Kids are just not something I have ever wanted. They seem to take over your life and change everything and you lose control of your very future with them. You have to put their needs first and I've always been selfish, you know that."

"No, Bells. It will be great. Once you hold that baby in your arms..."

"Jacob, listen to me. These arms do not want to hold babies. These arms do not even want to link with yours at the end of the aisle. I don't know what I do want in life but I do know what I don't want."

"You are stressed out. Once we start our baby..."

"Jake, there is never going to be any baby. I don't want your baby."

I felt horrible but he wasn't listening to me.

"You don't want kids? You think we will be happy without kids?"

"I don't think we will ever be happy, with or without them. I don't want to marry you, or even stay living with you. I'm sorry and I know this is the worst possible time but we have to face up to the fact that we are done. As a couple, we have gone as far as we can and we just don't see the future the same way. You want marriage and kids, I want my freedom. I want to grow and learn about myself and see other men, and find out what it is that I'm searching for."

"Don't you mean _who?"_ he thundered. "Bella, for God's sake, you say his name in your sleep. You always have. I convinced myself nobody could control their dreams and it meant nothing. But now he's back I no longer exist for you, do I?"

"I want to be your friend. We have shared a lot together, but it is true, I'm not going to lie to you. The moment I saw Edward again I changed. I knew he was what I wanted. Maybe I always did. Maybe the fact I dreamed about him with short hair years before I cut it meant somewhere deep inside I always knew."

"You cut his hair? I thought you liked long hair. You never let me cut mine."

Awkward. The one thing I did love about Jake was his waist length black hair. I feared if he cut it off, then I wouldn't manage to even pretend any more.

"Oh, I see," he growled, grabbing my shoulders. "It was the only thing. You never loved me, did you?"

"No. I'm sorry. I thought in time.."

"Bella, if you have to work for it, maybe it doesn't exist."

"I know that now. I honestly thought someday I would return your feelings. But now..."

"Now you have exactly what you want, I am disposable. I was okay as your last resort but now he's back, you will spend your life trying to catch his eye again. He's been in New York. He lived with a supermodel. What makes you think he will even look at you ?"

"It's a chance I'm willing to take." A supermodel?

"Good luck with that, Miss Bella Next Door. He's had perfection, what makes you think he would ever look at a piece of white trash and consider it worth his time? Maybe he'll use you for sex, but he will never settle for ordinary again now, Bella. Check his magazine collection. I bet he has the high end variety full of her photos instead of the working class man's porn collection. I bet he jacks off to her image. He asked her to come home with him, did you know that?"

"Who?" I asked, involuntarily interested against my will.

"Bree Carmichael. Leah has a million magazines with photos of them out together. They vacationed in her holiday house in California. Hollywood,red carpets, premieres, she took him to all that. He's had a glamorous life away from Forks. Limo's and champagne. He may just be a doctor but he has lived the life of a movie star. With his looks, I imagine he was a sought after handbag for many of the rich and vacuous. I mean, famous."

"But he came back. He came home," I stuttered.

"But for how long? He may think being back with his family is what he wants but how long will it be before his sexy ladylove comes beckoning him back? She's interviewed in Cosmo, go buy a copy. I think the heading is "Will Bree really give up her fabulous lifestyle to be a doctor's wife?"

It makes interesting reading. Who would have thought he could dazzle her to that degree? To make her even consider coming here? You should go find him and get him to fuck you again before she turns up and takes him back. Once he sees the two of you, side by side...well, I don't like your chances."

"Goodbye, Jacob," I cried, turning away.

"I'll pack your things but I won't sell the house. You'll be back, when he's done using you and wants his real life back."

"I don't care what you do with the house," I growled. "Finish it, sell it, send me my half in a check."

"You will need somewhere to live, in the future. But you could be right. It's nearly finished, I could get the last bits completed and sell it. Erase us. Give you the money to buy your one bed apartment and your cats. Use some of the money to buy a mirror, Bella. Have a good long look at yourself. Compare what you have to Bree Carmichael. See if you can outdo her. I don't think so."

I drove to the beach itself and walked along the sand in the gentle rain that barely registered.

Edward had lived with a supemodel?

I knew he had girlfriends and I had assumed that meant he lived with several of them, because that's just what happens these days. You like someone, you move in with them to see if anything permanent will happen. It doesn't work out, you move on.

Why hadn't he mentioned this Bree? Why hadn't he told me he mixed with those type of girls now?

I brushed my dripping wet hair from my face and gazed at my own reflection in the side window of my car.

Sure, Bella, you can compete with a supermodel. No problem.

I felt my self esteem wither and die.

.

.


	6. Chapter 6

The Copycat

Chapter 6

Rosalie's POV

Bella was sitting at her desk, opposite Jessica, but she seemed to barely notice the woman was there, and she was more speaking out loud to herself than to Jess.

"How does Jacob know all this stuff about what Edward did and who he lived with? How does he know Edward was going to ask her to come back here? He's never mentioned keeping in touch with him, in fact, did they even ever actually meet? They probably knew the other existed but I never heard Jake mention Edward or Edward say he knew Jake at school. I'm sure I talked to him about Jake sometimes. We have been friends forever, so it stands to reason I mentioned him to Edward during Biology, even if just to say I was cooking for him on the weekend or whatever. Oh, I know I told him about Jake teaching me to surf. He used to get a kick out of hearing what a clumsy ass I was and how I spent more time underwater than above. He even came down to La Push and watched us sometimes. But why would Jake even be interested in Edward once he went to NYU? It doesn't make any sense."

"Jake? Jacob Black? And it is Edward Cullen you are talking about, right?" Jess said, clearly mentally adding the two names to her Little Black Book. "And you are involved with both of them?"

I waited for Bella's answer as anxiously as Jess did.

"I have been living with Jacob, we bought a house. Out near the beach end of the forest," Bella answered automatically, barely realising it was Jess asking.

"Living with Jake? I knew he had a house built recently off the Res. I did wonder why he did that and didn't build near Billy. How long have you been with him?"

"I started dating him the day I got back from college," Bella said disinterestedly.

"You dated Jacob Black and lived with him and I never knew?" Jess said in awe. "How did you hide that?"

Jessica brought stupid to new heights. She spent so much time watching Bella and searching for the identical clothes, she never took the time to sit in the town diner, say, and listen to the local gossips. Bella and Jake must have been mentioned at times.

"A supermodel. I can't believe he didn't think to mention the supermodel," Bella said tiredly.

"Jake was with a supermodel? In, like, a threesome with you?" Jessica asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Edward, with Edward," Bella corrected.

"So, Jake was in a threesome with Edward and a supermodel? Which one? What's the lucky lady's name?"

"Hmm?" Bella replied.

"What is the name of the supermodel?" Jess said slowly, enunciating each word clearly.

"Bree Carmichael."

"That scrawny bitch? Surely she would snap in half if one guy was fucking her, let alone two at once," Jessica replied bitchily. "So, would Jake and Edward be interested in playing that game again with someone new, do you think? I've always thought I could be a supermodel if I wanted to. It's just the food thing, really. I like eating."

"What are you talking about, Jess?" Bella finally asked.

"Nothing at all. So, would you have Jacob's number? I'm guessing it's all over between you now?"

"Sure, here, call him with my blessing," Bella growled, scrawling the number on an office memo.

I felt a little ill and a lot confused.

Okay, maybe it was me who had told all Edward's business to Jake but he'd kept asking about Emmett's brother every time we were out as a group and Bella left to go to the bar or the Ladies. I hadn't understood his interest, unless he had some secret obsession with the new, pretty Edward who had been out and about everywhere before he left for NYU, so even Jake had clearly seen him without the hair.

One night we had gotten a little drunk and Bella had gone to visit Charlie and hadn't shown up yet and Emm was late, so it was just Jake and I and somehow I blurted out all things Edward and told him how he was going to ask Bree to come back here for a trial run. It was on my mind because I was concerned she would outshine me, and that would never do, and if Emm thought she was gorgeous, then that would seriously piss me off, so I confided in Jake and he kept asking me more and I kept answering.

But I had no idea there was this ... thing...between Edward and Bella.

I'd taken her complete reluctance to ever talk about him as disinterest, not the opposite. I'm still not clear what has happened and what the Hell is going on, seeing neither are willing to tell me, and Emm has no idea, of course. I love him but truly, if it doesn't affect his life, he really never digs deep into what's going on with anyone else, including Edward.

"So, you and Edward are...?" Jessica asked, crossing her legs and looking at Jake's number, no doubt memorizing it.

"None of your business. And I wouldn't know how to answer that, anyway. I guess I was deluded, yet again. Am I ever anything else?"

"And his number would be..."

"Back off, Jessica or I will create a new orifice in your head with the heels of your stupid shoes," Bella growled.

"Oh, okay. Hands off Edward but Jake is fair game. I get it. I always loved all those old Quileute legends, you know. They are so romantic."

Bella rolled her eyes and stood up. "You know, I do need more time off. I'm not over the whole ...death thing. Tell Carlisle I went home, okay?"

"And you don't mean to the house you and Jake shared, right?" Jessica checked.

"No. I guess I'm homeless," she replied, grabbing her purse and walking out the door.

X~x~X

EPOV

Bella was different when she returned the next day. Something was up. I had expected her to come back and tell me the deed was done and relate how well Jacob had taken it, and in truth, I had wanted to know she had truly actually done it.

She hadn't come back to the cottage and I realised we hadn't actually made a plan, I'd just assumed she would return. I had called her repeatedly and she'd ignored or refused my calls, so I was still in the dark when she suddenly turned up on Monday at lunchtime, even though it was a working day. It was my day off this week, so I had been catching up with some sleep until she knocked and woke me up.

I hadn't bothered dressing, just answered the door in my boxers and she had walked in past me without a single glance.

I grabbed her arm and lifted her chin to make her acknowledge my existence, and to my surprise, she was wearing more make-up than your average fifty something whore, and was dressed in a dress that surely someone else had chosen for her. She seemed to have wandered off track, away from her corner position on the main road.

"What's this about?" I asked and she jutted out her breasts like I was some adolescent boy she could distract with those wonderful swellings.

"Bella, stop it. What's going on? What's with the war paint? And the...working girl's dress? This isn't you."

Instant tears.

"What? Aren't I supermodel material?" she cried, pulling away from me.

"Well, no, to be honest you have tits and a bum," I grinned.

"Too fat to make it into Cosmo?" she blurted, throwing the magazine in her hand at me.

Oh, Bree was on the cover. In that green dress I hated. It made her skin look yellow.

"Page 12," she snarled, and I wondered what the Hell page twelve would reveal.

"Oh, shit, this?" I said in surprise. "This has you all crazy? The interview was done weeks ago, months ago. And for the record, those are Bree's words, not mine. I didn't propose, I didn't ask her to come home here. And anyway, she would have refused. It was just a way to get a story done about her, it happens all the time. Most people lead very ordinary, boring lives, and she could hardly talk about her favorite recipes," I joked.

"You lived with a supermodel and now you are perfectly content to what, sleep with me?"

"Bella, don't be insane. She's nothing."

"Oh, nothing. That would be why she is on the front cover," Bella snarked. "not because she is perfect and beautiful and sophisticated and , and..."

"Bella, baby, I love you. The reason why escapes me at the moment, with you looking like a two dollar whore with the make-up and outfit, but, Baby, you are the beautiful one."

I wiped away her tears and smeared make-up and gave up as it streaked down her face.

"Come into the bathroom, have a shower, calm down," I suggested.

I stripped the hateful dress off her and tore it in half. "I'll buy you nice dresses," I promised.

"Something cute in red and white gingham with matching ribbons for my braids?" she replied.

"No, but speaking of your hair...Why the Hell did you cut it off? I loved your hair. Will you grow it again, please?"

"Why? Is that the only thing you liked about me?" she asked, crying again.

I turned the water on and stood beneath it with her, holding her against my chest.

"Bella, I love you. I loved you secretly for all four years of high school. I mourned being away from you in New York, for over a year. I finally accepted you didn't want to keep in touch and I moved on, in the second year of college. I didn't run off and visit as many beds as I could. I wasn't ready, for ages, to let you go. The girl I slept with, after you, thought I was crazy because for a long time, I cried when we had sex. She thought I was some kind of freak. I explained to her, how we had loved one another all those years and were so sad to be apart, and it was just taking time to learn to be with someone else."

"We were together in High school?" she said in surprise.

"I may have made that bit up. We were, in my dreams."

"We were in my dreams as well, only I never knew the guy I was dreaming about was you, until I cut your hair."

"Damn. I wish I'd known that. I hated watching you crushing on all those boys. "

"Crushing, Edward. It's what teenagers do. They crush. A lot."

"I only ever crushed on you."

"Could you imagine what it could have been like if we knew? You could have been sneaking in my bedroom window, blowing my mind with your very talented tongue until we moved on to the real thing. We could have been the hottest couple at Forks High."

"If only I'd discovered hair gel earlier," I sighed.

"You should take off your clothes," she suggested, pulling my sodden boxers from my body.

"Bella, you haven't told me how Jake took it. You did tell him?"

"I told him more than I intended," she admitted. "I know we agreed to keep you out of this but I admitted I was leaving him for you."

"And let me guess, he said he didn't want to stand in the way of true love."

"Something totally unlike that," she replied. "He told me about your supermodel and how I would never manage to keep you after you had been with girls like her. How she took you to Red Carpets and Hollywood events and you mixed with the beautiful people."

"Oh, they are the beautiful people, are they? Most of them pay enough to enhance their faces and bodies, I guess they deserve to be thought of as beautiful. On the surface, anyway."

"Really? They weren't amazing?"

"Mainly they came across as desperate to make you like them, and needy for attention. Some were nicer, more ordinary. And I only went to the red carpet twice, I was rather busy and involved with medical school most of the time. I only spent two year end breaks with Bree, and we went to California both times. Hey, I have something for you, actually, if I can find it."

I turned off the shower and wrapped her in a bath sheet then wrapped one around my own waist and went to search in my book collection.

"Here, I got this for you."

"Johnny Depp's autobiography? I've had this ever since it was printed. And all the unofficial biographies written about him."

"Open it," I replied.

The front page was written on and she gasped in her best fan girl way.

_To Edward's Bella, I'm glad you like my movies and I'm happy to come a poor second to the pretty boy here. If you ever get tired of him, give me a call. X X X_

She gazed at the signature. "It's real. I've seen his signature before, on the photos I'd bid for and won on ebay. You met Johnny Depp? Is he awesome? Of course he is. What's he like?"

"Funny. Friendly. Strange. Shorter than me," I answered.

"You got this for me when you were with her? Bree."

"Mmm, I don't think she was a fan. I thought, now who had bent my ear with amazing facts about John Christopher Depp the second all through High school? Oh, Bella did."

She placed the book down on the table beside my bed and dropped her towel.

"You thought to do that for me when you were living with a supermodel?"

"I guess I did."

"Then I guess you deserve a reward."

"What's my reward?" I asked eagerly.

"I think it's something like the punishment you handed out to me," she replied.

X~x~X

"Remind me to thank Johnny Depp next time I see him," I murmured to Bella as she lay across my chest, as exhausted as I was.

"It was nothing to do with Johnny Depp, it was to do with you thinking of me, when you were with her," she replied.

"I thought of you a lot when I was with her," I smirked, and earned a slap.

"Don't say that. Now I'll be wondering who you are thinking of when you are with me."

"Bella, I've only ever thought of you, why would it change now?"

"What did you think about exactly?" she asked.

"Our night together, what else?"

"Did you add bits and make it hotter?"

"No, it was mind blowing, especially as I had never ever expected that to happen. You were so amazing, and I was so not amazing, in High School, and I may have dreamed of things like that when I was asleep, but honestly, it was far too much to hope for when I was awake."

"You are crazy. Do you ever look in the mirror and face up to how beautiful you are?" she questioned.

"I look in the mirror and wonder when you will see me as I really am. I'm pretty ordinary."

"Sure, plain even. No, downright ugly," she joked. "I saw those photos of you on the Red carpet. I did a Google search. How does a supermodel end up on the red carpet? Did she act?"

"No, once the stars go inside, the also rans gather around. Everybody knows Bree's work, she is famous by their standards, so she got to join the Kardashians and suchlike to be photographed."

"And she had you on her arm."

"Bella, it wasn't even that interesting. I often snuck out of premieres as soon as the movie began. You can usually find a McDonald's to get a burger from after the things on sticks fail to fill you at all. I'd sit in the car and eat then go back inside to make the grand exit and go on to the after parties."

"Is that where you met Johnny Depp?" she asked, trying to look casual, but hanging on my every word.

"No, I met him in a bar. It was about 3am in the morning and Bree was off with some person who could further her career, so I was at a loose end. We had a drink, and he listened to me rave on about you and how I knew every fact ever written about him because of you and he saw straight through me and offered to give me a copy of his book. I think he was happy thinking he was helping a fellow man get laid. He sent one of his bodyguards to fetch it, and he signed it that way without any prompting from me. I did wonder if I would ever give it to you, after what he wrote."

"He's not ordinary, right?" she asked anxiously.

"No, he's not ordinary, Bella."

"Good," she replied. Bella needed some things to remain true in her world.

She sat up and opened the magazine again, and laughed. "You do realise this is a form of Hell? My secret boyfriend in a magazine like this, with another woman, whom he lived with for how long?"

"A year, maybe a little more."

"I can't boast about it or even get sympathy because you were with her. Tell me what you liked about her."

"You do remember she was just one of four? She was no more special because of her job. At home, she was just Bree to me."

"Then tell me about all four."

"Okay. Siobhan was first and she was Irish, redheaded, fiery temper, passionate about causes of any kind. Mainly she was patient and kind to me, when I was out of my depth. I had never had a girlfriend before, don't forget. I had no idea what was expected of me, and she agreed to take things slow. That was what I liked best about her."

"And why did you two split up?"

"After a year, we really knew we had nothing in common and nowhere left to go, so she left to join Greenpeace and I stayed where I was."

"So, next one."

"Katrina. She was nice, ordinary. She came from a large family and didn't want to have kids ever, so we knew we had a use-by date and when it arrived, she went off to find someone who wanted the same things she did. I expected to miss her but I didn't."

"Okay. Number three."

"Tanya. She seemed normal until we lived together then it was all dramas and ultimatums and splitting up then her begging for another chance, until it got more than I could stand. She left me but I was happy to see her go."

"And then Bree."

"Umm. We met at a bar in California when I was there on a break and she was working. I didn't know who she was, and she found that refreshing. She thought I'd look good on her arm and I was bored and looking for another girl, so, it seemed like the easy thing to do. I signed up for more than I realised, but it seemed like it would last long enough to take me up until I left to come home. Then Carlisle asked me to come home a year early and finish here instead. I did consider asking Bree to come with me, but I knew if she changed her life so drastically for me, then I would owe her to try and make us something permanent and I didn't see us as a forever couple, so I kept my mouth shut."

"Do you still talk to any of them?"

"If by talk, you mean text, sure. Katrina asked me last week about some place we had gone to dinner at once, and I reminded her of the name of the restaurant. That kind of thing. You can read them anytime."

"You had a life. You had all these little lives, with other partners. I just had single dates," she sighed. "And Jacob."

"None of them were the life I wanted," I reminded her. "You had your own lesbian stalker."

"Jessica? She's not a lesbian. She banged every guy I ever dated. I think that kind of proves she isn't a lesbian."

"Maybe. Or perhaps she is in denial."

"I think she is about to make a move on Jacob."

"Do you think that's wise? I'm sure his head is all over the place at the moment."

"I don't think I care, Edward. He was horrible to me."

"Bella, the way we have behaved, you could hardly expect approval."

"He doesn't know. He thinks I broke up with him to try and attract your attention. I didn't tell him we had already done stuff together. I haven't told anyone else anything. Though Jess knows something. I'm not sure what I said, now. I was ranting to myself in front of her. By the way, why did you tell Rose about our night together? I never told anyone. I wanted that to be our secret. Though Jake knows now, since I blurted it out to him."

"I didn't tell Rosalie anything. She saw us, Bella, at the house that day. A blind man could see something was there, between us. We didn't try and hide anything. She knows, on some level, she just can't fit all the puzzle pieces in the right places yet. Why didn't you tell her? She's always been your best friend."

"I wanted just one memory to be mine, and yours, alone. It was nothing to do with anyone else."

"I thought maybe you were ashamed it was me, who took your virginity."

"Never. In fact, I can't wait to tell her, one day. She'll flip. She thinks it was some guy whose name I forgot."

"That happens. I forgot Bree's name after I came back. Maybe because the only 'B' name in my head was Bella."

"You forgot a supermodel because of me? I like that," she admitted. "There are a lot of things I have never told Rose. I don't ever feel like I have to disclose my whole life to her. I know she resents that sometimes, but some things are private. Believe me, I don't encourage her to give me details about her lovelife with your brother."

"I can't wait until the decent amount of time passes and we can be together openly. When do you think that will be? How long before we can progress with our lives like normal people?"

"Jake needs a little time. How about, as soon as he moves on and dates someone new?"

"I shall send him my little black book," I promised. "You should think about telling Rose. She will be your sister-in-law one day."

"Edward, I don't think I believe in marriage. Can't we just be together? Just live together, once all this passes and we have dated for a reasonable amount of time?"

"I've done that too many times before. Living together smacks of a lack of commitment to me. Call me old fashioned. If you really love someone and see yourself together forever, you owe it to one another to show that commitment to the world."

"But you want kids, right? You split with Katrina because she didn't want kids?"

"I do want kids, but only with you. I split with her for a lot of reasons. Like, I want kids but not with her as their mother."

"And is no kids a deal breaker, with us?" she asked, staring into my eyes, searching for the truth.

'I can't answer that yet. Don't you want kids? Ever? I'm in no hurry at all."

"I don't think I do. I don't like anyone else's kids and I hate the idea of being all out of shape and fat and everyone says you never get your body back how it was. And you have this cute baby who turns into one of those horrible toddlers that scream and throw tantrums in the supermarket. I don't know if I could ever knowingly sign up for that."

"Not even one?" I pushed.

"One still changes your life, completely, forever."

"True," I agreed.

I felt on edge, afraid. Was this a deal breaker? Would I choose her over having a child of my own? I'd always wanted a family, and I just thought most girls did too, so chances were, whoever I ended up with would agree to one or more children. I'd expected maybe a difference of opinion about how many, and assumed I may have to compromise and end up with one or two more or less than my ideal, but never imagined that number could be zero.

But she was Bella, my Bella.

And we were so very close to perfect together.

What if Rose was right after all, and I'd rocked Bella's boat for nothing? I couldn't imagine living without her again but only time would tell if I could settle for a life without children, so I could be with the only girl who I had ever loved.

X~x~X


	7. Chapter 7

**Victoria, I opened a facebook page, Lynzis Loft, and posted photos of the finished room there. It's public so anyone can look . lynzisloft at gmail dot com is the email addy attached to it. I closed my personal and Kismetianfanfic facebooks because of privacy issues btw. Our creditcard got hacked and we were told to close everything online so this new facebook account has no actual real details and will just be for photos..**

**This chapter is short, I just didn't like where I left it seeing it will be a while before I update again.**

The Copycat

Chapter 7

BPOV

The next week was intense and I was completely aware this was all my doing but there was no way I wanted to get heavily invested in Edward and I as a couple if we ended up splitting up over the children issue.

Better a broken heart now than in the future when his family, and mine, were involved and expected us to stay together no matter what.

Edward was clearly balancing up how he felt about me, and a childless future, against moving on.

The sex was hot, and that was both good and bad.

Good because I had craved for sex like this for so long, and bad because it was rooted in his desperation. He wanted it all, and he couldn't hide that from me.

He wanted us but he also wanted the possibility that I would change my mind and have kids or even a single child, one day and I couldn't imagine me ever doing that. God, weren't there enough kids in the world already?

What if we didn't like the child we created? What if it didn't like us? What if it had problems and issues and we had to devote our entire lives to it, and not the usual twenty one years? You can't just assume it will be healthy because we are.

Anyway, healthy kids get hurt and brain damaged in accidents and your whole world changes and becomes all about caring for them forever and burns up all the love the parents had shared.

The one concern I didn't have was possibly the more likely scenario.

What if we had a kid and Edward moved on and found someone he would rather be with? For some reason, I didn't think that would happen. Maybe nobody does, and it's a total shock if it happens, but no, I believe him when he says if we do have children, he is here for life, no matter what.

I guess what I need is for him to swear he is here for life regardless of children.

Carlisle was completely unconcerned about me taking time off from my job, and in fact he encouraged me to relax and regroup and think about my future carefully, so I knew he hadn't bought the story I was still suffering from Billy's death. Edward admitted his father knew we were seeing one another and trying to work things out before we went public, and he had given Edward a break from his job despite the newness. Carlisle firmly believed in us and he wanted more than anything that we make a balanced decision.

I hadn't gone home, but then, I had no home to go to. I just stayed, at Edward's insistence, here in the cottage and we spent our days catching up and talking about the years we had missed and reminisced about high school.

It was an eye opener for me, hearing about how closely he had taken note of every word I had said to him, and laughing about my many futile crushes. Okay, some of the boys in question had been very dodgy. What can I say, back then all they had to have was a pretty face. It was strange remembering that Edward, who I hadn't really even numbered as being one amongst my friends. We did exchange cards on our birthdays and at Christmas, but he had started that in our Freshman year and I reciprocated out of politeness, nothing more.

He had tutored me and we did even sit together in some other classes, if I hadn't managed to snag a seat beside whoever was in my sights, and I had used Edward as my sounding board. He had helped me learn my lines for the annual drama plays and taken me to the library some days after school, to do research, but I had been living completely in my own little self absorbed bubble and oblivious of his attraction to me.

"I really expected some sort of showdown between you and Alice," he admitted ."All the boys did. I think there may have been wagers taken and odds given."

I laughed.

"I guess the boys would have enjoyed seeing us beat on each other while rolling around in a mud puddle."

"Mmm, that would have been a memory to treasure," he chuckled.

"There was never any chance Jasper and I would link up. He only ever had eyes for Alice."

" I was weirdly on your side, even though had you won and ended up with Jasper, it would have been a lifelong source of intense pain for me. I guess I would have stayed away and let you two settle down here in Forks."

"You always threaten to run away back to New York. Is that where you really want to be, deep down?" I asked him.

"No, not really. It's just the only other place I have ever lived, so I guess I know I could make some sort of a life there. Go back to casual relationships that will never last. It would not anything like the life I want but it would be some kind of a bearable existence, I guess."

"And you might meet someone else who you could love, and who would willingly have a dozen kids," I pointed out, playing Devil's advocate.

To me, this issue was all Edward's, because I didn't see any sort of compromise was possible on my part. I couldn't half have a child, it was total capitulation or nothing.

He went outside and sat beside the pond as we called it, smoking almost half the pack of cigarettes while gazing intensely into the water, before coming back inside and grabbing my hand.

"I don't want that, Bella. I can't be happy with someone else just to have a family of my own. That would not be a solution, and it would end badly. The children always pay. I guess if what you are offering me is forever with you but no hope of a family, that is what I'm going to accept."

"I'm sorry I can't be exactly what you need," I murmured against his chest as he clutched me to him.

"Nothing is ever perfect and who knows, maybe we couldn't have kids anyway. Not everyone can and going through all the tests and treatments if it were necessary would be so stressful. I know. I'm a doctor. I've seen what the strain does to couples. Even the ones who end up with a kid are still marked by the experiences they had to endure. And you are right, my vision is of a perfect child, and there are no guarantees."

"You need to be very sure," I urged. "We can't get involved properly then fall apart over this."

"That's exactly why I am offering this idea up. Dad bought an island for my Mom years ago and they are fine with us going there to stay for a month or so while we work things out and have a taste of life together with no other people offering their opinions and solutions. If we enjoy this time and come to the conclusion we are enough, then we can come home and come out of the closet to everyone."

"I have no doubts, but I do need you to be completely honest," I warned him.

"Bella, I'm already ninety nine point nine percent sure this is what I want, out of the available choices. I know nobody gets the ideal life they imagine they will, and let's face it, I can't contemplate a life without you, so let's do this. Let's just go there and have fun."

"Sounds like a plan," I grinned. "How many people live there?"

"On the Isle of Esme? None. It's private and just has housekeepers who come once a week to clean and restock the pantry. There are larger islands nearby, we can go there by boat and have dinner out and dance in the streets and party. Oh, they have shops, so you can do the girlie thing and buy stuff now and then."

"Because God knows Bella Swan loves to shop," I replied sarcastically. I looked forward to shopping expeditions with Rose like other people anticipated dental appointments. Yeah, they were that much fun.

"I have to go and find my clothes and pack," I realised. Clothes had been somewhat optional here, with nothing and nobody but the furrier forest inhabitants able to see us. Edward's T shirts had sufficed as dresses and I did have that one pair of panties I had worn here.

I'm sure they were somewhere.

"I assume my stuff is back at Charlie's house by now. That will be a fun conversation. I have kept my phone turned off but I know it's full of demands that I explain myself. He is not going to take this well. I fear he will conclude I'm like my mother, just going from one man to another without even a decent break between the two."

"Esme has bought you some clothes and packed you a bag, actually. I know you want everyone else kept out of this, but it's no secret that my parents have always seen us as just soul mates yet to accept the inevitable. I will go collect our bags and the boat and house keys and be right back. Bella, I love you, never doubt that. Our life together will be amazing, and it is so close to the perfection I want, to be completely enough for me."

He held my chin up and kissed me , and I felt every inch the selfish cow that I know I am. I want me to be enough. I want him to be happy but without conditions. No 'if this happens, if we get married, if we have kids'. I want just us to be enough.

X~x~X

The trip was long and would have been boring had I not spent most of it tucked inside Edward's arm. I hated planes but he covered us with a blanket and created our own little personal bubble and we snuggled and snuck kisses and I was really unaware of the flight, and how long it was taking. I was in no hurry to end this little lovefest.

Although we had known each other for years, we still needed this time together as the new us. We had seen so little of one another really, and it seemed like madness to agree to be together for life based on the few weeks we had shared. That being said, I already knew we were solid and would make it, if he stuck by his decision to settle for just me.

The boat ride was exhilarating and much more my speed. Edward let me take control for half the distance and I reluctantly handed control back when the island came in sight.

It was exactly how one would expect a private island to be, only larger.

Pristine beaches of white/gold sand, palm trees, aqua water so clear you could see every grain of sand below. Shells and small white pebbles worn smooth by the tide.

The waves were rather rough and crashed against rocks on one side of the island, but the other side was completely different. The water barely moved and was more like a deep lagoon.

I liked both sides; standing high on the clifftops gazing down gave me a sense of peace somehow as the water rolled in and crashed and water blew up and spayed the clifftop, forcing me to stand further back.

The house was beautiful and open and had many windows that replaced walls but with nobody to see in, it didn't matter and the lack of curtains was not a problem. The bathrooms were private, that's all that mattered.

Like the cottage, the main bedroom had glass doors that opened onto water but this time, it was the beach.

"Can we stay and live here?" I begged as he put away our clothes. I caught sight of a few of the outfits his Mom had bought me. Most were nice normal Summer sets, shorts, crop tops, dresses, but the underwear was skimpier and much more expensive to what I was used to, and the bikini's briefer than I would buy myself.

"Whoa, I hope she didn't pay a lot for those. If they charge by the amount of fabric used, they must have been almost free," I stated.

"If you don't like them, don't wear them," Edward said, dropping them into a drawer and turning to grab me and let us both fall onto the bed. "I always thought skinny dipping was preferable to bikinis anyway."

"So long as you are naked as well, and you remember which days the hired help comes," I replied. I couldn't imagine having someone come to clean up after us. That was like the measurement of rich, to me.

Edward let me make dinner then decided my cooking was much superior to his so in future, he would cook and improve his skills.

"How hard can it be? There's so many food networks."

"Fine," I replied."Use me as your guinea pig. Just don't kill me with food poisoning."

"No way, I have a much better way to kill you."

"And that would be?" I asked, intrigued.

"Exhaustion," he snickered.

"Cullen, really? You are good but not so good you will be the death of me," I laughed.

"How about starvation, then? Am I good enough to make you forget to eat?" he asked.

"Hmm, that might be a real danger," I agreed. "But you know I do like to have something in my mouth, so you would have to offer a substitute for food to keep me happy."

Oh yeah, instant reaction. From erect and waiting to rock hard and desperate.

"Bella, don't start anything you can't finish," he warned.

"Huh, I can finish you off no problem," I growled and made a start.

He lay back and watched me through hooded eyes and ran his fingers lightly through my hair. It was growing again and already had lost it's neat style. He liked that, and as he changed his mind about how he wanted to finish and pushed inside me instead, he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back to kiss my lips roughly as he thrusted.

"Only you. I'd only ever give up this part of the future I wanted for you."

"Be sure," I cried back.

We felt like a couple. We felt like we had been together forever, already.

"I'm very sure, my Bella. You are the only part of that future I cannot live without."


	8. Chapter 8

**Cheers to the readers who pm'ed saying fanfic won't accept their reviews for this story. I wont sulk over fewer reviews, in that case! It happens here sometimes. I only use reviews to judge how long to make a story, the fewer reviews the shorter the story.**

The Copycat

Chapter 8

EPOV

To me, the beach house and island were not a big deal but Bella was blown away and wanted to explore every inch. We had been here many times, for vacations since we were kids, so Emmett and I knew all the good places and I packed a backpack with bottles of water and snacks and the usual insect repellent and sunscreen, and we set off on our first circumnavigation of the entire island.

Bella was not what one could call a natural athlete and the hike was a lot harder on her than on me, so although every new cove or hidden waterfall was a source of wonder and delight, there was clearly no way we would be back at the house by nightfall. It had been too long since I had negotiated the many walking tracks, almost reclaimed by nature, to make continuing in the dark a safe option.

That meant a night out under the stars.

I pulled out a groundsheet and lay it under a group of palm trees far enough back from the water's edge to be safe from the highest tide line, and lay down as Bella ran into the water and back out again as the waves chased her.

"This is amazing. I seriously wish we could live here. I don't suppose your grandparent's left you a fortune as well as the cottage so we could stay here and not have to hold down jobs?" she sighed.

She was a whole lot closer to the truth than she had any idea about. Although Dad's parents had only left me the cottage, Esme's parent's had decided she and Carlisle owned enough and had missed them both out of their Wills and Emmett and I were the beneficiaries, and with careful investments, neither of us would ever have any need to work. But that had not appealed to either of us. Emmett's life will always be about sport and Rose knows about the money yet has little interest in it.

She has their life together planned and while she would not hesitate to use any money they need for a house or travel, she is all about saving Emmett's inheritance for their retirement and to keep for their future children.

Rose's parents were comfortably off but there would never be much for her to inherit, so she was always wary of spending Emmet's money unnecessarily.

"You never know what the future holds," was her mantra. She feared Emmett being injured and losing his income one day, and if that happened when they had their planned houseful of kids, then they would have to depend on his investments.

I did wonder how I might react when Rose gave birth to their first child, even though I was sure I could accept a childless life for us. At the moment it was just a theory and therefore seemed perfectly doable as I had not intended having a child for years yet anyway, but a real life breathing nephew or niece might tug at my heartstrings so I had to be really sure this would not come between us.

So many times I'd seen girls at college convince themselves their boyfriends who didn't want kids would change once the baby arrived, and seen the man walk instead. This had made me aware this issue was one of the major life choice differences that could tear a couple apart; there was no compromise.

Bella and no kids, or someone who was not Bella and a child of my own.

I couldn't live without her, I was pretty damned sure of that and I would never try to impregnate her without her knowledge and permission, so I had to accept what she offered.

"Edward, is that a shark?" she cried suddenly, running towards me. The sun was just starting to set over the horizon and the water was gleaming in all the reflected pink and orange glory of the sky.

The waves rolled in and I looked where she pointed, at a grey fin revealing the presence of a sea creature riding the wave.

"It's a dolphin," I laughed , remembering the many times Emmett and I had swum with them. "Come on, there will be others with it. They won't hurt you."

I took her hand and she nervously trusted me and entered the water at my side. The creatures swam in close to shore, just pausing when the water was at about our waist height, and I held out a hand and one approached, nudging my fingers.

"Holy crap," Bella cried in delight.

I urged her to plunge in deeper and we swam around the pod, laughing and almost touching the wonderful creatures. One of the larger females kept close to Bella, both delighting and scaring her a little but she relaxed when it became clear the animal was merely bonding.

"How many are there?" she asked, coming up again for air.

"I count eight. That female near you would be the one who teaches the young calves how to feed and behave. She's checking you out to see if you are a mature adult or a teenager."

"Can she tell? Will she try and make me eat fish?" Bella asked in alarm.

"Hey, just relax and have fun," I suggested, swimming closer and taking her hands.

As magical as it was, night was falling and I had been warned often enough by Carlisle about swimming at night to know we had to end this now and leave the water before any interested sharks appeared.

"We can swim with them again in the morning, but I'm really beat," I lied and pulled her to shore, not wanting to freak her out.

"Damn, I was having fun," she sighed as she squeezed the water from her hair. I had to fight the distraction of a naked Bella as she rubbed her body dry with her Tshirt, but I did have to warn her so she didn't go sneaking off to swim again during the night if I was asleep.

"There could be sharks feeding out there shortly so no swimming until tomorrow and only when I have checked out what's out there first," I cautioned her.

"Oh, big, brave Edward is going to scare away the sharks," she grinned.

"Here," I replied, pulling my own Tshirt over her head and hiding her ever tempting body from my eyes. This was hardly a comfortable place to make love, and I didn't want her to have any reason to go into the water again tonight, to bathe and clean up.

"What's for dinner?" she asked as she sat down against the tree, immediately bringing the image into my head of me sitting where she was and her sitting astride on my lap, facing me. She was way too sexy and the buzz was always there, always nagging at us, always wanting us to join our bodies and let it merge again.

"Let's see. Beef jerky and fruit bars, and a bottle of water. A nice little drop, gathered from the west face of the hill, guaranteed sweet and tangy."

"That's what we need. Alcohol. What a setting to get totally blathered in. Are you sure you didn't bring along any bottles of wine?"

Her knees were raised and a little apart and I gave up the fight and lay down facing her, kissing her between her thighs.

"Edward, I thought you said no sex until morning...oh God."

She was a complete pushover and at least I got to drink in her ambrosia, even if we didn't have any wine.

"You are right," I agreed as she lay spooned by my body, humming softly with satisfaction and drowsiness. "We could live here. No hassles of the real world, just us and the dolphins."

"Kiss me," she demanded and I turned her body to face me and complied.

"Bella, if I agree to never asking you for a child, will you compromise on something else?"

"Maybe," she murmured. "What?"

"Marry me."

"Only if you are really, totally, completely sure that this is enough. That I am enough for you."

"Really? You will marry me?" I asked in awe. I had raised my walls in preparation for her rejection and I was thrown off guard.

"Edward, I love you and I know what I want. Eternity. With you."

"We could have the wedding here. Just invite our families and Jazz and Alice."

"Um, how soon are you planning this wedding to take place?" she asked, a trifle nervously.

"Why wait? We know what we want and we know how it ends. Why not begin our lives together with the same surname?"

"Isabella Marie Cullen. Bella Cullen," she mused. "I could live with that. I want everybody barefoot. No shoes allowed. No Manolo's, no Christian whatever's, bare feet. I want Alice and Rose as my attendants, of course."

"I think the person you are thinking of is Louboutin. Christian Louboutin. Alice's favourite brand of shoes."

She shrugged.

" Are we waiting until she has her baby first?" I asked. She was due soon, and waiting would barely delay anything. I didn't imagine anyone could pull off a wedding without at least three months of preparation. But I wanted it to be soon.

"Why the rush? I think we should wait until you meet Alice and Jasper's baby and be very sure you won't spend your entire life regretting marrying me."

"I would never regret marrying you," I promised.

"But you might hold that baby and think you do have to have one of those."

"And **you** might hold that baby and think **you** have to have one, have you considered that?" I replied.

"Why would Alice's baby make me change my mind? Isn't one baby just like the other? I've never seen one and thought it was nicer than the rest."

"You love Alice and Jasper. This baby is part of them. It won't be just any baby, Bella. This will be a unique mix of their genes, and be a little like Alice and a little like Jazz, and he or she will always be special because of that."

I could see she hadn't thought of that before. A baby had been just a baby, completely interchangeable, but now she realised how wrong that idea had been.

"Alice and Jazz's baby," she murmured. "It is going to be beautiful. Oh, what if it's a boy and stays as short as Alice?"

"Most boys are taller than their mothers," I replied. "but it could be a tall, willowy blond girl."

"Jasper's always been drop dead gorgeous, either gender could definitely be glad to take after him."

"I knew you always fancied him," I teased. "How many times did you write 'Bella Hale' I wonder?"

"No too many times once Alice decided he was all hers. She may be short but she can still pack a punch."

"Bella, why did you give up so easily and not fight it out and let Jasper decide which of you he preferred? He may well have chosen you. He always liked you a lot. I know, I used to have to try and keep a straight face while he listed your various charms."

"I started having the dream. About the man with the red copper hair. I knew it wasn't Jasper so why bother fighting for something that would only be temporary? He and Alice were always going to be the forever couple. Mrs Alice Hale. It has a ring to it."

"She won't marry him until his parents give in and admit they are meant to be. I don't get what the Hale's are waiting for. Surely having a baby together is more meaningful even than marriage."

"Do you really mean that?" she asked me quietly.

"As you point out, marriages end. A child is always your child. No matter what happens, if you share a child together there is always that link."

"Is that why you want a child?" she asked.

"Maybe. That's possibly a large part of it. Mainly it's because I fear this may be the only life we ever get, so we should do everything we want to. I know many people think this life is just one of many and there will be other opportunities, but we can't count on that being the truth."

"But even so, you really think you can give that part up for me?"

"Only you," I assured her. "Bella, you are here and real and I love you and always will. Our child is just a wish and a dream and may never happen regardless of whether you change your mind or not. We have to accept this may be all we ever are, just us. I know you are already there, but truthfully, I think I am as well. The thought of ever being apart again tears at me. I could never have a child with someone else and be happy."

"Our child," she mumbled. "Your baby."

"Sleep," I ordered, rolling her back onto her side and spooning her again. Maybe she would dream about a small boy with her eyes and my hair. Maybe one day she would want to have my baby, now she had spoken out loud and considered the words.

Whatever. A child would be a bonus but she would always be the prize I coveted. And she had agreed to marry me. Today we had taken some pretty big steps.

X~x~X

The sea was creature free in the morning, to Bella's disappointment but I wanted to make a start and get back to the house as soon as possible anyway. Our water supply was dwindling and we'd eaten the last of the snacks. I had never intended being out overnight when I packed.

Bella was full of enthusiasm and chatted about Alice's baby and wondered if they knew the gender and were just keeping it to themselves.

"I think it's a boy. I dreamt about them with a little boy last night," she said. "I think Jazz wants a girl though. What do you think?"

"I think they will be delighted with either," I answered. "It's their own very first baby, they will hardly be disappointed whatever it is. I'll take your wager and bet it's a girl."

"Do you know anything that I don't know?" she checked. "Have they had one of those 3D scans? Do they know?"

"I have no idea," I replied. "They must have had the scans but you can ask to be kept in the dark and the scan operator will keep the transducer away from that area while you are looking at the screen if you request that. I imagine most people look so they know what color to paint the nursery and what clothes to stockpile. And I guess it cuts out half the arguments about names. Alice wants to call a boy Jasper Junior and Jazz hates that idea and wants his son to have a name of his own."

"I can't say I ever liked the Junior, Trey, etc. A kid deserves it's own name. Anyway, she could call it something then Jasper. God, do you think she still likes all those weird names she liked in High School. Peace and Harmony and that name Cher named her kid? Chastity? Now that's one hard name to live up to, especially with men like you and Jazz around."

"Unless they grow their hair and cover their faces," I replied.

"Why did you do that, anyway? You must have seen yourself straight out of the shower, with that hair all wet and off your face. You must have known you were beautiful."

" I never felt beautiful until you said I was," I replied. "You saying it made it so. How could I argue with you? Anyway, I never cared what I looked like or who I appealed to, if you thought I was beautiful. That was all I ever wanted."

"Damn, I hope you are wrong and there is another life and we get to cut your hair in Junior Year. I could have been your girlfriend from the start. Even with my shallowness and only being attracted to pretty boys, you would have been the prettiest."

I smiled.

I agree, I wish my 'prettiness' had been obvious from a way earlier stage. We had wasted so much time. Her always admiring others, me always wishing it was me she wanted. How wonderful High School could have been. Then we would have bonded and still had Our Night at the very least. I dare say we would have shared a lot of nights before Prom. Once we slept together the first time, I don't imagine anything would have stopped us and kept us out of one another's beds. Charlie had left her home alone so often, after Renee left that first time.

I had often sat in the forest outside her window, just to make sure nobody ever bothered her or tried to hurt her while he was out.

I could hardly admit that, I sounded like some stalker, but the brief glimpses of her at her window had been so rewarding. It made my vigils worthwhile. That apple tree had mocked me, giving me a way to climb up and see her but I had resisted, knowing it would be too tempting once I got up there, to say outside, on my side of the glass.

Anyway, I could never think of a reasonable excuse for being there in the forest, let alone perching on her windowsill.

"Hey, isn't that the jetty?" Bella said, turning to face me.

"It is. And just in time. I'm about to pass out from hunger," I complained.

It was nearly eleven am, almost lunchtime so brunch was in order.

Bella and I worked together and sat down to consume steak and potatoes and salad and I opened a bottle of wine despite the early hour.

After showering and flopping into bed, we spent the afternoon in the very best way possible.

"We could go across the water to the big island tomorrow, if you want. I could buy you an engagement ring. You should choose it," I suggested. I wanted that ring on her finger as soon as possible, while she still thought the wedding idea was a good one.

"That would be nice, for a change. Jake wanted me to wear his dead mother's ring. It just seemed wrong to me," she replied. "That ring was about Billy and Sarah and nothing about Jacob and I. His parents were this amazing love match, I could hardly wear a ring that meant all that and belittle what they had been by using it to represent what he and I had.

Better something small and cheap and temporary."

"If you felt that way, why did you agree to marry him? And to have a child?" I asked her.

"It was totally the whole deathbed wish scenario. I had possibly intended saying yes to Jake but not until you returned. You made me suddenly fear everything in my life was about to change and disappear and gravity would reverse and throw us all into the air. I needed to cling to some normality. I had no idea why all this was threatening to happen, I just knew it was.

Your return should have been very little to me, all you were was my first and many girls live in the same town as their first and it doesn't rattle them or turn their lives topsy turvy. I didn't understand what was happening, but I knew without a doubt it was the calm before the storm.

Then the club ...thing ...happened, and I knew I could not settle for mediocre and almost adequate.

Before I could do anything to change things, Billy wanted a promise, and it seemed too heartless to start speaking the truth there and then. Far easier to just say the right words and explain later. How would you like your last moments on Earth to be spent having someone explain why your dearest wish was not going to happen? I was a coward, I admit that, but I also knew none of those words were real. Who knows what would have happened if Billy hadn't died? If I hadn't gone with Rose to your parents house? Jake and I may well have just drifted into marriage and even... No, I never would have let it go that far. I would never have let him impregnate me."

She shuddered and her eyes snapped back to the present.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I've just never wanted to reproduce. I don't think it's going to change and I know you are hoping it will, once I see baby Hale. Don't count on that. Please. Maybe this whole thing is a really bad idea. I can't give you what you want the most."

"Don't say that. You can't say things like that to me," I growled. "You are what I want the most. We are not a bad idea, we are a great idea. I don't care enough about having a child to ever risk what you are offering. It's enough, Bella. You are enough."

The conversation put us back days and I held off on the shopping trip. Better to just make up old ground and get us back to where we had been before standing her in front of a tray of rings.

Nothing would keep us apart. Of that I was determined.

X~x~X

One lazy day morphed into the next and the one after that, and bit by bit Bella came back to me.

The dolphins return a week after we met them and swimming at their sides in the lagoon-like side of the island finally made Bella forget our differences and concentrate on just the joy of being together and alive and free and having the choice to be a forever couple.

No more talk about babies, it was a moot point now, not happening.

I felt rather like I had when I set off for NYU.

It wasn't the ideal path I had yearned for but it was the one available to me.

Sometimes you have to concentrate on how very much you have and not hanker after the impossible.

I charged up our phones so we could check in with our respective parents that night but as soon as I plugged them into their chargers, we had mail. So much for no more baby talk.

Our cellphones buzzed simultaneously.

I opened my message and laughed. It had happened. I knew it would but this was a lot sooner than I'd expected. It was from my brother Emmett, though the message would have alerted me to that fact even if his name hadn't.

_Hey, bro, guess whose gonads work? Now Jazz is proven and so am I, only you left._

Bella looked up, grinning, holding her phone up.

"Rose is pregnant," we said together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Contains references to infant tragedies, warning. Vic, please review if reading, honestly, 26 visitors for Christmas is no excuse to not look at the photos you nagged me to take, woman! Go to facebook and tell me how you like my loft. I got another butterfly chair yesterday, a smaller one!**

The Copycat

Chapter 9

EPOV

Bella returned Rose's missed call after listening to the voice message and she looked uncomfortable talking in front of me, tethered as she was to the power outlet as her phone recharged so I waved and went outside and walked along the jetty until she finished. She came out to thank me for the privacy and sat beside me, looking lost and confused.

I figured maybe she was just trying to process Rose's obvious joyful reaction to something she herself feared and never wanted.

We sat in silence for a while , watching our newest friends the dolphins as they clowned about in the ocean, clearly enjoying their lives.

So free and uncomplicated, living by their instincts, not having to ever consider the future or regret their pasts. So much easier to live their lives than ours.

I quite envied them. The females mated with many males when they were ready to conceive, which was never a problem, no male dolphin demanded a DNA test or fretted over any female having fun with his fellow pod members. They did not ever remain monogamous.

Hmm, maybe I wouldn't like that bit. I could never sit back and see other men touching my Bella.

One of the larger females was lying on top of the water, almost on her side and a small grey object bobbed beside her, then attached itself to her body.

"What is going on?" Bella asked, standing and shading her eyes.

"It's a mother feeding her baby. They feed them for about three years. They are mammals."

"I wish she would come in closer. I want to see the baby."

"She won't. She may trust us with herself but never with her baby."

I went inside and returned with binoculars and Bella sat and watched them for hours, fascinated.

We ate dinner outside, cooking in a barbecue pit on the sand, and swam until twilight, staying close to the shore. I was alert for any sharks but they seemed to be out hunting in the deeper waters. We had never seen any close to shore here before but my whole attitude to everything had changed now I had my Bella to protect. I found my mind was always assessing every possibility of every situation.

She'd start calling me 'Dad' if she realised how often I weighed up everything she asked to do.

Was it safe?

Could she get hurt?

Could I handle whatever injury could happen to her?

I guess it was what every man goes through once they become a husband or father. The whole world changes and becomes a potentially dangerous place. Like that mother dolphin, I just wanted to stay at Bella's side and keep her safe.

The swim only invigorated us and it seemed way too early to go to bed, and we lay together in he very shallows, the gentle ripples barely covering our bodies.

Bella wriggled out of her yellow bikini and lay there naked, inviting trouble.

I could resist. I wasn't some weakling who had no self control at all. I kept my board shorts on and simply wrapped my arm around her and started talking about dolphins and sharks and warned her there was no truth the the myth that sharks did not swim anywhere near dolphins.

I decided not to add the fact that sharks hunted the baby dolphins and would fight for their snack, and the dolphins did not always win, as often erroneously portrayed in kid's fictional shows.

She didn't appear to be listening anyway and was laying facedown, writing her name in the wet sand just out of the water's reach, with a stick.

_Bella Cullen._

I couldn't help grinning. I wanted to go buy her a pencil case and make her write it on that.

"I guess you are right. We have wasted enough time," she conceded. "None of us know how long we have on this planet and I would be very pissed with myself if I waited the sensible year or two, and had a 'proper' period of engagement, then something happened to one of us. I would be regretting all that wasted time, like I regret the time we wasted at High School. We can get married as soon as you want to. It isn't like I need time to be sure this is what I want. I know this is the right decision, for me."

"And for me," I agreed excitedly. "Bella, you have no idea how happy you are making me. I wanted you for so long, I'm finding all this a little too dreamlike. Don't wake me up, I never want to wake up and face reality."

"You have faced reality and if that reality is okay with you, then why wait?" she replied. "Of course, going home and telling everyone will be a little shocking for them."

"Do you mean, for Charlie?"

"Huh, he has already warned me I had better return without a wedding ring on my finger. He knows exactly what is going on. Mom may have encouraged me to hurry up and marry Jake but Charlie always had doubts. I don't know why, but he never bought into that whole relationship. Maybe because he and I are too alike and he recognised my lack of commitment to Jacob. He once consumed a few too many Vitamin R's and cautioned me from ever settling. He told me marriage was a long hard road and few people made it right to the end, as in, dying of old age with their spouse still faithfully by their side, so I had to choose right, and pick someone I wanted there, if we made it."

"Your father is a wise man and he is right. I only ever want that aged, wrinkled woman to be you."

"Thanks Edward, something to look forward to."

"You know what I mean. All this will fade and one day you will look at me and think 'he used to be pretty', but if you love me despite that, then what more can I ask?"

"I think I'll always see you as how you are now," she replied. "You will always be beautiful to me."

Okay, maybe I can't resist her. The board shorts were gone.

I moved to hover over her body and took my weight on my arms and toes, nudging her thighs apart and kissing her back lovingly. She parted her legs a little and I teased her between her folds and kept outside the holy grail until she was writhing and trying to force me to enter her.

"Do your push ups properly, Cullen, or not at all," she sighed and I gave in and felt the power surge as our life forces merged and celebrated. Being inside Bella is like nothing else on Earth and if this is how it is for all Soul Mates, then it is worth the search and the chase. And the waiting and watching and longing and compromises.

How could I ever settle for anyone else? Quite apart from the fact she was the only one who made me feel like death was preferable to us being apart, she made my body tingle and come truly alive in a way nobody else ever had.

Clearly that was because with anyone else, it was 'just sex', just meaningless coupling, just a way to pass the time and feel the small, quick thrill. With her it was more a religious experience, and like her very soul was mixing with mine and making us whole and complete in a way nobody else could.

Maybe there is someone really special and right for every single one of us and we had to find her and fight for her and change whatever was necessary to keep her. Nobody else mattered. Sorry and all Jacob, for coming back and fucking up your future, but she is so mine. Not yours, never yours. You don't have the weapons to fight this.

She started to tighten rhythmically and the connection became so strong, her pleasure shot down my penis like a lightening bolt. Fuck me, she would never be able to fake an orgasm with me, because nothing else felt like this charge did. I was electrified and so turned on, holding back was not an option.

I buried myself in deeper and clutched her body to my own as we melded, and the world disappeared. I could never leave her, ever. I could search my whole life and never find anyone who affected me like she did. We were so made for one another, it was completely blasphemous being apart at all. The sky had darkened and descended to wrap us in her velvet cloak and only the bright shiny stars still registered in my vision.

"Okay, I get it," she laughed as our rocking reached a peak and my body filled her.

"Get what?" I gasped, laying gently on top of her, feeling her pulse around me as I thrust the last few times, feeling the wonderful shocks of the afterglow.

"You screamed out 'mine' so loud you probably scared the dolphins away."

X~x~X

Emmett called to boast about his proven masculinity, making me wonder if he had doubted it earlier seeing he was now so jubilant. Bella and I had showered and dried ourselves but not dressed, and I had been enjoying tracing patterns on her naked back as the moonlight highlighted her body and she tried to go to sleep in our bed.

As happy as I was for him, I didn't like the intrusion so I repeated my congratulations and pointed out we would be home soon, and he could show off in person. He finally took the hint and ended the call.

"Anyone would think he was the first man to knock up his woman," I sighed as I turned my phone off. Nobody else would get to intrude on our time.

Bella's next reaction was not what I expected. She insisted we open a bottle of wine to 'wet the baby's head', even though I pointed out that usually happened once the birth had occurred. One bottle turned into two and then she changed to her old friend, Southern Comfort, and proceeded to get more than slightly tipsy. I cut her off when it became clear she had no intention of stopping, and accompanied her into the shower, where she serenaded me with songs that turned more mournful and depressing as the night proceeded.

Finally she fell asleep and I watched her carefully in case she awoke in the night with the desperate need to purge the alcohol from her slim little body.

I hoped I had judged it right and not let her consume more than she could handle and she seemed to be coping and sleeping normally. Years of being the designated driver for my college friends had taught me to assess how much they could drink before really writing themselves off. It left me confident Bella merely 'had a skinful' and was not in any danger of alcoholic poisoning, but all the same, I was relieved as the hours passed and she stayed a good colour and had no upset stomach.

She talked.

For hours, she talked a lot of nonsensical mixed up words, then her mood changed again and she sobbed on my chest, clinging to me tightly and drenching my Tshirt with her tears.

The only words I could understand were "baby" and "Angela", and someone named Ben wasn't where he should be.

She stopped crying suddenly, and turned away to sleep soundly until morning, her body wrapped around her pillow. I made no attempt to pull her in closer. She seemed to need space after needing body contact earlier.

Breakfast was a dilemma but I cooked as usual and set the table, waiting for her to wake up so I could see if she would be joining me. I had just finished cooking a stack of pancakes, thinking they would be mild on her no doubt tender stomach, when she appeared, looking embarrassed and definitely regretful.

"Coffee," she mumbled, sitting down at the table and holding her head in her hands, "Please."

I poured her a cup of straight black and she slurped it down, without adding her usual milk and sugar.

"God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me last night. I don't usually drink that much, in fact, I never get off my face these days."

"I dare say you are happy for Rosalie and Emmett and wanted to celebrate," I answered generously.

"Oooh, that's right. Rose is pregnant," she stated, putting her cup down. "Just tell me it will all go okay, Edward. She's healthy and she doesn't drink these days and she eats right and exercises. The baby will be fine, right?"

"There's no reason to think anything else," I assured her. "This is Rose's first pregnancy, it will most likely go smoothly and result in a healthy baby. Most do, and she is the perfect age. Not too young, or too old for a first baby. Just right."

She tried to choke down a pancake but soon gave up and pushed the plate away.

"Sorry. Again. They look great, I just can't eat."

"That's fine. Do you want to tell me what last night was all about?" I asked her. Something was amiss here and she needed to talk and I was her only available friendly ear.

"Can we go back to bed?" she asked, so we made our way back down the hallway and I lay down with a couple of pillows under my head, up against the headboard and she lay with her head on my chest. I figured she didn't want me looking at her eyes, so I let her be and just rubbed her back.

"The first year. SeattleU. Freshman Year."

"Okay," I answered.

"Do you remember Angela?"

"Angela Webber? Sure. I know she went to SeattleU."

"She lives with Ben, you know. She got an apartment as soon as we arrived and lived off campus."

"I'm sure that was better than having him try to sneak into her dorm."

"Mmm. She got pregnant. She asked me to be her birth coach."

"Okay. That wasn't fun for you?"

"It was. I enjoyed the classes. You know, where the ladies huff and puff and pretend to give birth to those plastic dolls and we learned how to bathe them and put diapers on them the right way around."

"Pretty useful information," I nodded. "basic skills all parents need to know."

"But we never got to do any of that."

I sensed what was coming next. All living babies needed diapers.

"He looked fine. The doctor said the cord was caught around his neck but still, they pulled it away and cut it before they pulled the baby out. And he cried, really loudly. We thought he was okay."

"How long did he live?" I asked, just so she would know I knew.

"Only a little while. I held him, Edward and he looked at me. I didn't know he was dying."

"Did Angela hold him? And Ben?"

"Ben wasn't there," she said slowly, as if just realising. "Only Angela and me. Where was Ben, Edward? He should have been there. A baby needs it's father to be there."

"I don't know, Love. Maybe he got caught in traffic. I'm sure he wanted to be there. At least you were there for him and for Angela. She must have been thankful to have someone with her."

"It was so sad, Edward. They said there was no hope and Angela wanted to donate his...his heart, I guess. They took him away and put him on a machine and they told her he saved four other babies, but it didn't seem right."

"She was very brave to choose to do that. So many babies die because so few donor organs are available to save them. Angela made a very selfless decision."

"I just don't understand how any mother could do that."

"You know the baby wouldn't have suffered? He would have been gone by then, Bella. Safe and sound in the next world, beyond pain and fear. And he made it possible for other babies to live. His death was not in vain, not for nothing."

"But it shouldn't have ended that way. I always thought pregnancy was a promise. You get pregnant, you have a baby. All those clothes and the crib. You don't just get to go home and forget, you have all these physical reminders. Clothes he will never wear, toys he will never play with, a stroller you will never assemble."

"I'm sure it was very hard for her and for Ben. And for you, Love."

"I was meant to be a Godmother, Edward."

"You still are. You keep him alive in your heart for his parents, and he will always be here. What did they name him?"

"Benjamin," she replied.

"That's a great name."

"The first time Angela and I went out, afterwards... It was horrible. There were babies everywhere and some of them were new and perfect and how he should have been. Nobody even knew about him and how we should have been pushing that stroller and juggling classes and bottles and diapers, and been sleep deprived. It's strange how you can even resent someone for being so tired they fall asleep in class. Like, you know that should be you, but it wasn't. Whoever she was, she was the lucky one."

I knew Angela was one of Bella's friends at High School but I guess it never registered how close they were and how deep that friendship was. I'd only been on alert to the boys she coveted.

They had spent time together out of class and Angela was at Bella's house quite often, but still, she and Rose had always been the bff girls.

Rose had never mentioned Angela in any particular way, just in passing.

I felt wary about asking where the girl was now, if she survived this tragedy. If she and Ben had gone on to stay together. Grief tore many couples apart and him not being there for the birth, for whatever reason, may have caused Angela too much sorrow and even resentment. He never saw his son alive.

My heart bled for him and reminded me of what we could be avoiding, for all we knew. Some babies died.

At least now I understood Bella's fear and complete refusal to ever risk that experience again.

I had witnessed a stillbirth and it had been horrific. Everything had gone perfectly until the baby just didn't breathe and I'd never felt so helpless, even though I wasn't the doctor in charge. It was like all our training went for nothing. I had spent six hours with them, while she laboured and he supported her. One minute the parents had been joking about the fact their bump got in the way during sex and how the husband would be going crazy waiting for the next six weeks of abstinence to pass, and even arguing about whose father's name got to be first. Then the intensity of the actual delivery, and the loss of the baby's heartbeat, but it's often undetectable as the baby passes through the birth canal. But then, nothing. No cry, no change of color. Just silence, and my senior attendant and I working in vain to revive the small body. I remembered the scene like it was yesterday.

Matthew, his name was.

Gift of God.

Only God had been an Indian giver and taken him back.

Matthew Paul David, or Matthew David Paul.

In the end, it hadn't mattered and I think he was just Matthew.

I wanted to attend the funeral but I was told it was never advisable to get too close and involved. It was only when the midwife said maybe the parents would not want me there, any of us there, that I stayed away.

I knew death was a part of life and a part of medicine but you tend to think so long as the patient had a good life, even if it wasn't the promised three score and ten years, that maybe they had been here long enough to learn their lessons.

But there's no comfort when it's a newborn.

At least I understood Bella now. I would never put her through anything that could end badly.

Marriage would be enough, more than enough.

"Hey, you know this will never happen to you, to us?"

"It feels like it already did," she replied. I understood that all too well. I wanted to do something to mark Matthew's non existent life on Earth, because he only had nine months and that was spent inside Heather, his Mom. It seemed wrong to just forget he ever existed. But it hadn't been my tragedy or my place to do that.

I held my breath during every delivery since and while whoever was by my side, guiding me through each birth assumed the sweat on my brow was from concentration, it was really from fear of a repeat. So far, it had not happened, but chances are, it will.

"Let's go see if we have any dolphins left here to swim with," I suggested. Somehow their presence was soothing and healing and sure enough, once a few of them came in close and nudged us gently before showing off around us, Bella was smiling again.

We had lunch and slept, in fact, Bella slept most of the afternoon away and only woke up in time for another quick swim with our friends.

When they left to feed out deeper where the shoals of fish were, we walked along the clifftops and Bella started picking wildflowers.

She handed me half her bouquet and we stood together as the sun set, and threw our flowers into the raging surf.

"Benjamin. I'll never forget you, I promise," she said as the flowers fell and bobbed on the water.

"Matthew. You will never be forgotten either.," I replied and took Bella's hand.

We returned to the beach and lay together, watching the sun set and the colours fade from it's reflection.

X~x~X

Now everything was settled, I wanted to go home and start the wedding arrangements. Bella was in no such hurry but a promise that we would honeymoon here placated her but she still washed and hung out the few clothes we had worn.

"One more day," she pleaded, and I knew she was secretly delighted when we woke in the morning to the sound of the gentle surprise shower falling and wetting our washing on the line.

"Oh well, one more day," she smirked and rolled into my arms in our bed.

"how did you make it rain?' I questioned, kissing her throat.

"Didn't you know, I have magical powers," she replied.

"I believe you. Nobody else makes me feel like you do. I am completely under your spell."

"You are the one who casts spells. You dazzled me in the driveway of your parents house and changed the entire life path I was on, don't forget."

Do you have any regrets about that?" I asked her.

"None. Did I ever thank you for that? My life would have been so monotonous and boring and predictable. Just like the sex life Jake and I had."

"You know you could have spiced it up yourself. You could have taught the boy what you liked and how to please you. I have no trouble with that myself. And you tend to be quite vocal with me."

"Maybe I didn't want things to improve with Jake. I know now I was looking for an out, so how lucky one came home from NYU and molested me in Sam's Bar."

"It's only molestation if the girl isn't willing. I missed that part,, where you spurned my advances."

"Okay, Edward, I was a complete slapper, rub it in. Only you affect me that way. I've had offers since I got back here. And some of them have been very tempting. Mike Newton, that amazing, never boring, never bland, cheating piece of rubbish wanted another chance. I did happily point out I don't give second chances."

"You are giving me a second chance," I refuted.

"No, I never gave you a chance in the first place. That's different. This is your chance. Don't blow it."

"I have no intention of blowing it. So, what are we doing today, while our clothes get wetter and we are stuck here. I can't imagine why we don't have a clothes dryer, maybe Mom never needed one. I don't think it's ever rained before while we were here. I imagine Emmett and I would have found all sorts of dangerous things to attempt in the rain. It would have made our clifftop races more interesting."

"Boys. Honestly. I don't know how your poor parents kept you two alive."

"We had an older brother. Did I ever tell you that?"

She shook her head and bit her lip.

"He died when he was quite new. I can't imagine the courage it took for them, for Mom especially, to try again after that. No wonder she quit after us two boys and never kept trying for the girl they would have liked as well. Sometimes she thinks we were disadvantaged, not growing up with a sister. She wanted us to know what girls were like before we got to an age where we were more interested in only one aspect of the difference between the sexes."

"I can't imagine a Cullen girl. God, what if she had taken after Emmett and been as big as he is? How horrible for her! Maybe she would have been slim and pretty like you. Maybe prettier."

"Hey, you said I was the fairest of them all," I growled, and tossed her back against the pillows.

More punishment.

Will this girl never learn?


	10. Chapter 10

The Copycat

Chapter 10

EPOV

Coming home was a letdown, as reality often is. Emmett was so pleased with himself it bordered on annoying and I was sincerely glad he had to return to Seattle on Monday morning, having made Bella and I both swear we would take extra special care of Rosalie.

Rose was already tiring of his maniacal constant caring, fluffing up her pillows if she sat down, asking her constantly if she needed tea or pickles and ice cream, or questioning Dad and I about when the cravings would begin.

"We have eight more months of this," Dad whispered to me. "maybe we should take it in shifts. You have him weekends and I'll take his phone calls. He calls about seven times a day, on average, during the week."

"He's excited. I bet he calms down when the second kid begins, and the ones after that he will probably ignore until they get handed to him at delivery. Repeat fathers get pretty blase about the whole miracle."

"Some of us don't. I was as amazed when you were born as when Emmett arrived."

"Dad, that was a little different. You'd been through the worst possible tragedy. I imagine something like that makes every living baby a complete miracle."

"You are right about that. Sometimes I wish we had kept having babies. I always imagined this house absolutely bursting with boys and dogs and girls and kittens. But Esme was so stressed out during the two later pregnancies, it would not have been fair to push for more. I got two strapping healthy sons, I'm just glad she tried again at all."

"Do you know if a girl who went to Forks High with us is back in town? Angela Webber? Maybe Angela Cheney by now?"

"She lives in Port Angeles. I know Angela quite well. But she's not Cheney, she's married to Jay Jenks."

"Really? So, they didn't last."

"Who?"

"She and Ben Cheney. Bella was friends with them at SeattleU."

"Really? I didn't think Ben went to Seattle. He was doing law somewhere in LA, I thought."

"Oh, maybe I misunderstood. Maybe that's why he wasn't there."

"Carlisle, make your son stop raising my feet onto footstools or I will kill him," Rosalie growled.

Dad laughed and took Emmett aside to share some tips about how to keep one's woman happy instead of driving her insane.

Bella seemed a little overly enthusiastic and fakely glad for Rose and kept assuring her that 'everything would be all right' in a way that I could see was starting to make Rosalie consider maybe it wouldn't be.

"Okay, you get Bella distracted so she backs off and Carlisle can babysit Emmett, and Esme and I will drink tea and talk sense," Rose ordered. "Fuck me, here's me thinking I only have to wait until Monday to re-enter normality and now Bella is acting as weird as Emmett. Bella, want to be my bridesmaid and organise the entire wedding? That should ensure you give me a very wide berth at work."

"When is the wedding?" I asked her, sitting down beside her on the couch, and stealing a pre-fluffed pillow. Mom went off to make tea in the kitchen with Bella's help.

"Soon. I am not walking down the aisle looking like an elephant. Your brother had better follow through and set a date or I will surprise him when he gets home next weekend and have a preacher waiting. I wonder if Mr Webber is free."

"So, you knew Angela at SeattleU I presume. Why didn't you ever mention the baby?"

Rose blushed and looked decidedly uncomfortable. "It wasn't my place."

"Hey Rosie, look what Dad's book says. This is a list of foods to avoid and a list of recommended items. I have to clean out the fridge before I leave tomorrow."

"You touch my food Emmett and I will take to drinking instead," she threatened. "Then you will have an alcoholic baby. Oh wait, it's Emmett's kid, it will probably have the drunken sot genes anyway."

X~x~X

Monday dawned and normality with it. Work was hectic and I had little time to ponder about whether or not finding Angela Webber now Jenks would be worth it. Why bring up a past tragedy she may have managed to lay to rest? And of course, it was possible Jay knew nothing of Benjamin's birth and subsequent death. If her body had been left unmarked, there may have been no reason Angela shared that loss with her new husband, in her new life. I knew that did happen. I'd had patients ask me if I thought it ethical to hide old mistakes and tragedies, and I had always answered they should do as their conscience dictated.

In a way, I could see a woman in Angela's position would want to start life anew and maybe her fresh start could not be just that, if she had to disclose parts of her old life. Maybe she had walked away less scarred than Bella. She had managed to go on to presumably fall in love and marry.

In the weird way coincidences happen, it was actually Ben Cheney I ended up reuniting with. One of our patients was suing his workplace for an accident that had left him confined to a wheelchair, and Ben was his attorney.

He wanted copies of all the hospital records of his client, before and after the accident, to prove there was no previous predisposition for any paralysis to occur from disease or previous injury and it was solely the fall that had crippled him.

I was on a break and recognized him in Carlisle's office, so went in to say hello. Of course, it was more of the same. He stared at me for some minutes as I reminded him who I was, and his mouth gaped a little.

"Really? Seriously? **Edward Cullen?** Not some relative of the Edward I knew...?"

It was getting old, this complete disbelief that I could have changed so much after High School.

"But you look like a model. Naw, the Edward I knew..."

"Ben, just accept it, it really is me. Edward the nerd, Edward the shy loner. Emmett's brother. That should prove it, I am his only living brother."

"O-kay," he conceded, still narrowing his eyes. 'I guess I can see some basic similarities. The eyes, not that we saw them much when you had The Hair..."

I laughed. Sometimes I felt like shaking people and denying I had changed so very much that this incredulous reaction was permissible, but even I knew it was true. Anyway, it was better than the opposite. I could have been stunning at school and unnoticeable now.

"So, how's life? Have you married?" I asked, sitting on the edge of Dad's desk.

"Uh, I do realise you were hardly in the know at Forks High, but I would have thought even you picked up on my sexual orientation," he laughed.

I didn't understand what he meant, and I guess my face portrayed that.

"Edward, I'm gay. Always was, always will be. I live with my partner, Doug, and we have been together for three years now. We met in college and he moved back with me. He's from LA and his family is still there. To be honest, I think they are glad he left. Now they can pretend he was just going through a stage and now he's happily married to a female and living the normal life they so desperately wish he had wanted. Not all parents are as enlightened as my own."

"But you and Angela, " I protested.

"Angela?" he said, shaking his head slowly. "Oh my God, you mean the tall Angela who crushed on me at school? Angela Webster? How funny was that! I mean, I thought **everyone **knew about me but I guess, if you didn't know either, it's not quite so surprising that she didn't, after all. Poor misguided girl. All those months she wasted, following me around like some lovesick pup. I even kissed Tyler in front of her, hoping she would make the connection. Everyone knew he was gay, why would any straight guy be pashing him? But no, she thought it was some joke.

I was glad to leave and not have to attend the same college as she did, to be honest. I mean, it was getting annoying and even if I had been straight, I don't think I would have been attracted to anyone that tall. I'm not being mean, but really? She was like a foot taller than me. I think Straight Me would have liked those little blonde twins the year below us. Sigh. Even Gay Me could appreciate their 'pretty'."

I was completely confused. He hadn't even gotten her surname right. That hardly showed interest on any level. Carlisle had to check on a particularly precarious patient and I watched him leave the room , quickly debating whether it was my place to inform this man he had briefly been a father and had a son.

How he had impregnated Angela seemed almost impossible to imagine, if he had never hidden or denied his gayness. I know some gays tend to be rather promiscuous while still in denial and will sleep with many girls to 'prove' to themselves they are straight, but Ben seemed completely comfortable with his orientation, and he had pashed a known gay to put Angela off. It just didn't seem to add up to him then fathering her child.

"I guess you and Doug went through the usual doubts and fears, and slept with girls before accepting your fate," I suggested.

He shuddered. "No offense to the fairer sex, but there's no way in Hell I could have ever done that, and Douggie was the same. Nope, neither of us attempted to 'fix' ourselves and try and be straight. If you are gay, you are gay. It's not a lifestyle choice, Edward. I was born this way and my parents knew from when I insisted on accessorizing my kindergarten outfit the first day of school. I mean, just plain grey pants and sweater? A blue scarf, decent footwear, and voila, trendy, and tasteful. I knew that at five, look how long it takes the straight men to figure it out. Think about this, if society changed their mind and decided gay was the new straight, could you sleep with men? I don't think so."

"I see you point," I agreed. "Sorry, I heard somewhere that you and Angela got together and she got pregnant. Clearly I have the wrong Ben."

"Clearly you do. No offense taken. Actually, it's a damned shame you are straight. I wish I'd taken you under my wing back in Freshman year, introduced you to my friends, taught you how to make the most of that wonderful hair back then."

I laughed.

"Well, that may have been helpful actually. I crushed on Bella Swan for so many years and she barely knew I existed under that mop. I would have loved to have someone suggest I have the hair cut and styled. Maybe she and I could have gotten together in school."

"You and Bella? Now I'm confused. I thought she and Jacob Black..."

"Old news, I'm happy to say. Billy's death kind of pushed them into something they were never meant to do, and it was a wake up call for Bella. She walked, and I may have taken advantage of that situation," I admitted.

"So long as it's true love, no harm, no foul," he replied. "Is she your one and only? I know you used to watch her every move back in school. It was like you lived your life waiting for some sign. I'm glad it happened for you, Edward."

"Thanks, Ben. I had better get back to the grindstone. Good to see you again."

So either Angela lied about the paternity of her child, or Bella had been confused. The most usual reason for naming the wrong father was because the real one was someone whose reputation would be damaged. Maybe Angela had gotten it on with a professor or her TA. Both forbidden and could lead to their dismissal.

Or maybe he was simply a married or already paired student, whose partner had no idea he was sowing his wild oats behind her back. It was just strange that Bella didn't know the real story, if she and Angela were so close. I thought close female friends shared even the shameful secrets. And if Angela was in love with this person, maybe she wouldn't even have felt shame anyway.

I guess the more I learn about girls the less I really know about them.

The highlight of my day was a visit from Jasper and Alice, who had returned to Forks after a vacation away. For someone who had spent time with the almost in-laws who were still against their relationship, she was unusually bright and chipper.

"So, can you sneak us in for another look at Junior here? We have actually decided we do want to know the gender after all. Alice is yearning to paint the nursery the appropriate colours and she has seen so many babies dressed neutrally because their parents didn't ask the sex beforehand, she has decided we need to know. Then we are off to the biggest baby shop in PA to stock up on all things blue or pink."

"What are you hoping for?' I asked, as we made our way down to the ultrasound suite.

"I want a girl. Maybe not desperately but sometime, this pregnancy or a later one, I hope we get a daughter. Daddy's Little Girl," Jasper replied.

"I do too, I guess,' Alice admitted. "but a son would be awesome as well."

I had a feeling a son would not only be awesome but maybe Alice's real preference, but she automatically thought she wanted whatever Jasper wanted.

"Guess who was in today? Remember Ben Cheney?" I said.

"Oh, the gay one," Alice said immediately. How had I not seen that? Had I really spent every second watching Bella so closely I barely knew anything of the other students?

"It's interesting catching up with old school students we grew up with. We had dinner with some old friends, actually, last week. Lauren Mallory and her husband, Riley. He didn't go to Forks High but his family is local. And remember Angela Webber? She and Jay were there too. Did you know Sebastian?" Alice continued.

"How is Angela these days?" I asked, and Alice gave me a look. I guess for a moment she may have imagined I'd had some interest in Angela at school, despite the fact she knew I had lived for a smile or kind word from Bella.

"She's fine. Still totally career orientated. She was quite funny, really, as she can't imagine why anyone would do this to themselves," Alice laughed, waving at her protruding abdomen. "She's so...logical and analytical. She kept questioning me, asking me how I can possibly think a baby will improve my life as much as it will damage my body and our lifestyle. I guess some women will never feel the maternal urge to procreate."

"Maybe she has had some past bad experience," I said, throwing it out there to see if Alice knew.

"Oh God no. She was telling us, she had an ablation done when she was a teenager and it left her unable to conceive. Well, I guess medically speaking, she can conceive, but her uterus doesn't grow a lining any more so the fertilized egg cannot implant. And of course, it means she never has periods. That must be blissful."

"Why did she have that done? Nobody would do it to stop a teenager having periods," I replied. I knew women who had finished their families sometimes had the procedure, but no doctor would do it on a girl that age.

"She had heavy bleeding, they were trying to get her uterus to lay in a more reasonable lining but instead, she stopped getting any lining at all. She never had an excuse to miss Gym though, so she still paid like the rest of us."

Okay, this seemed like a blatant lie, maybe Angela was in complete denial about Benjamin. I decided to read up and see if the trauma could lead to some kind of backlash mental condition.

"Okay, who wants to look first?" I asked as the appropriate section of the baby appeared on the screen.

"Oh yeah, it's a filly," Jasper drawled in joy. Alice laughed, and they kissed happily. I checked the rest of their daughter and smiled.

"She looks great. How long to go? I'm kind of hoping to marry Bella soon and we aren't sure whether you want to be matron of honour in your current condition or wait until after the birth."

"Whoa. You and Bella are getting married? This fast? Is there any reason?" Jasper questioned. "You only just got together. That must have been one heck of a holiday on the island."

"It was. We have had time enough to know it's what we both want. There's no other reason," I admitted. "We do realise it's kind of crazy but it would be even more so to stay apart. "

"Does Jacob know?" Alice asked.

"I guess not but then, it's hardly his business any more. Whatever Bella does is nothing to do with him," I said forcefully.

"But it would be polite for her to warn him at least. He was preparing to marry her himself, Edward. Think of how you would feel were the situation reversed."

That shut me right up. I couldn't even bear to imagine how I would cope if she suddenly changed her mind and married Jake instead. I would definitely rather be dead.

BPOV

Work was full on and Carlisle had kept some of the more interesting but not pressing chores for me, so the first morning disappeared without me even spending any time with Rose, as it turned out. I knew Carlisle would have lightened her load and given her more desk work and no client visits, even if only to keep Emmett off his back. Rose was right, she wasn't ill, just pregnant. I sighed. Some people think being pregnant doesn't change anything, but soon she would feel the tiredness and maybe even the all day morning sickness many women got.

Then she would be asking for the special treatment she currently spurned.

Edward called and arranged for Rosalie and I to meet him for lunch at the diner. Alice and Jasper were back and I couldn't wait to see them again. The idea of Alice being as wide as she is high intrigued me. I just hoped she was carrying a nice, small, neat little girl and not a gangly tall boy who took after Jazz. It would be uncomfortable enough by the end even with a tiny baby for Alice. She had ceased growing long before the rest of us and even I had four inches on her. That fact had always stopped me thinking of myself as short, even if some people who were over six foot tall thought my height was a source of amusement, such as Emmett Cullen.

Just wait until his kid is born, and is some gigantic female with bigger muscles than he has, and she takes him down by her second birthday! Naturally, in reality, I'm hoping it's a beautiful blonde bombshell with Barbie's figure eventually, if it is female, but I can see myself making all sorts of jokes during the pregnancy. I must start making observations about 'how huge' Rose's belly is the minute she starts to show.

Of course, if it's a boy, Emmett will want it to be even larger than he is. He was always the tallest and most muscular of the students at school, and one of the most charismatic. Ironically, I had never crushed on him, so I had never scrawled "Bella Cullen" on my pencil case.

Just as well, as things turned out.

Rose insisted on driving us to lunch so I got to make jokes about how one day soon, she would not be able to squeeze into her driving seat and Emmett would have to buy her a limo so she had vast room in the back to spread out and balance the gigantic baby inside her on her lap. She wasn't amused.

Edward opened my door and grabbed me into his arms, no doubt feeling the strangeness of being apart as acutely as I was. Since the island, I was finding it difficult to just slip back into routine, and be away from him by day.

"Hey, I missed you," he whispered in my ear. "I have been counting the hours. I couldn't wait until tonight so I suggested they all let me buy them lunch, just so I could get you back inside my arms for a minute."

I lay my head on his shoulder and wondered how I could ever have settled for so much less with Jacob. We had never been slightly bothered to part and go off to work each day and to be truthful, I rarely thought of him again until I had to, when I got back home. Looking back, I think I was more crazy then than now.

Maybe Edward and I were rushing things but all it felt like was, the goal of our lives was to be permanently joined in every way, including the legal sense, so why delay going down the path that led us to that goal? That would be insane.

"I missed you too. I don't suppose we could ditch these losers and sneak off alone?" I whispered back.

"Bella," he growled and kissed my neck in that semi-desperate way that always led to the same conclusion. I stepped away and took his hand instead and he leaned his forehead against mine as he breathed in deeply and calmed down. I was so glad not to be the man. Always so easily turned on. A simple sentence and his eyes were darkened and filled with lust and wanton desire to fuck me at the table.

I had better make sure I don't sit too close in case he decided to do a rerun of Sam's bar and sit me on his knee here in front of everyone.

Jasper coughed and I turned and smiled.

"Fuck me, you two do have it bad. Hey, Bella, good to see you again. Come here and give me a hug," Jasper said and I turned my attention to him. Strangely, even though he hadn't changed and was still gorgeous, the same attraction I had always felt was missing. Maybe my heart only had room for Edward now. I couldn't do more than admit Alice was lucky and had made a great catch, but I had no sense of even slight envy now. It was all how it should be.

Edward refused to release my hand so the hug was rather clumsy and Alice frowned and laughed.

"Whoa, how long were we away? You two have certainly made up for lost time. I guess you have years to make up for. Bella, you really should have come with us to college and filled his lonely bed. He was probably the only virgin in Freshman Year, yet he was one of the prettiest boys there."

Yeah, virgin.

I bit my lower lip and tried to avoid Edward's eyes but of course, eagle-eyed Rose saw more than everyone else and stepped back.

"Fuck me, Swan. You fucked him. You did, don't even try and deny it. That's what this damned crackle in the air is about. You two dirty little fuckers did the deed before you left for Seattle. Huh, local student who transferred out , my ass. You cashed one another's cards after Charlotte's party."

"We did," I confirmed, grinning broadly. "To think we managed to keep that from you all these years. We should get some kind of an award."

"Fuck me," she cursed, her hands on her hips. "I can't believe you never told me. You, Swan, are evil. I told you everything."

I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Yes, you did. Far more than I ever wanted to hear, believe me," I laughed.

Suddenly Rose stood completely still and the smile was gone from her lips.

"Oh God no," she murmured, grabbing me from Edward's unprepared grasp. "No. Tell me no."

Edward frowned and looked at us and my world came crashing down.

"No," I denied uselessly, pleading with Rose to let it be so as images and thoughts filled my head and took over, and I couldn't fight back.

I saw black and heard Edward curse and grab me into his arms as I fell bonelessly to the ground.


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter is about the short life of Bella and Edward's baby. **

The Copycat

Chapter 11

Someday You Will Ache Like I Ache

EPOV

"She fainted Edward. That's all. It was rather warm today and she worked through her morning break. There's nothing sinister here," Carlisle assured me. I hadn't waited for an ambulance, I had driven Bella into the hospital myself.

"I want to speak to Rose. Something was happening, and Rosalie knows what," I growled.

"Her blood pressure is sky high. Whatever it was, she has to rest and get back in control or she will miscarry. Leave her alone. If something happened, I'm sure Bella will tell you. She'll wake up soon, but you know better than to start hitting her with questions straight away. Just let her orient herself and feel better before you start the inquisition."

"Dad, I have to know. Rose went pale and looked like she was going to faint as well. I'm grateful Jasper kept his head and brought her in too, but all I could think of was what was happening to my Bella."

"We do realise your obsession with her hasn't weakened," he smirked. "In fact, it's getting to the point where it's becoming ridiculous. You have completed seven years of medical study and you couldn't recognise a simple faint?"

"I ...I hoped that was all it was, but why would she faint?" I asked.

"You know the answer. Sudden physical or mental stress that she wasn't prepared for. Maybe her chronic low blood pressure just plummeted from standing up too long after not eating. Did she have breakfast?"

I blushed in embarrassment because Bella had attempted to make breakfast this morning but she had gone into the kitchen wearing only a bath towel, and I had snuck up behind her and despite last night being one of the best we had shared, all it had done was make me want her more.

The sight of her shapely legs, and the knowledge she was naked under that towel...

I am a man, no better than the next man and I had to lean her onto that kitchen bench and take her from behind, while she dropped her pancake mix to the floor unheeded. She wanted me to take her, make no mistake. She knew what she was doing, flaunting herself about in front of me.

God, it was like we were out of control high schoolers, just discovering sex and unable to pause long enough to do even basic domestic duties.

"No, we missed breakfast," I admitted.

"Did she at least have coffee?" he asked hopefully and I shook my head. Neither of us had even put the coffee machine on. Then after our 'session', there was barely time to shower again and throw on our work clothes and go. In separate cars. Bella didn't trust me or herself to behave if we shared a car.

"So, no food or fluids since last night," Dad retorted, signing off Bella's chart. "I think she can be released as soon as we get some food and drink into her. Edward, I know what it's like, being young and in love, but you have to allow her to eat. Look at her build. She has very little fat reserves even, nothing to turn to if she doesn't eat regularly. Promise me she gets to have breakfast every day from now on."

I nodded, ashamed, but determined this would not happen again. He patted my shoulder and left to visit his more urgent patients, and I sat by Bella's bed and watched her eyes. She was surfacing, and a minute later those deep brown pools of velvet looked around and she sighed and shook her head.

"What did I do now? Fall under a bus? Trip up the curbing? Have space debris fall on me?"

"You fainted," I replied, taking her hand between my own. "How do you feel now?"

She sat up and pulled her hands away from mine, to cradle her own head. "Dizzy."

"We didn't get around to having breakfast and now we have missed lunch as well. Dad wants you to drink this and the staff are getting you a meal."

"Wonderful. I thought it was bad enough being taken to the diner to eat and now I get hospital food instead?" she sighed.

"And you are eating every bit," I ordered her. The tray was brought in and Bella did smile at the roast meat and baked vegetables and even I was surprised how good the meal was.

"Carlisle ordered this from the carvery across the road. He got you one as well, if you want it," the lady offered.

"Thanks, I could eat," I agreed and she handed me a styrofoam container and plastic cutlery.

"So, you are special. You get yours served on a plate and I get to eat it out of this," I mock complained. Her colour was improving and she was eating as if this was her last meal. I felt angry with myself for being so careless with her. Of course her tiny frame meant she had to nourish her body regularly. Some things were more important than sex. We had used up so many calories in the night, then my assault on her in the kitchen, and her missing her morning break had all deprived her body of sustenance.

"You have to look after yourself and make sure you slap me down and let you eat meals. And what's this about you missing your break?"

"I was busy," she mumbled, with a mouthful of food.

I ate as well and waited until she was done and had drunk a milky coffee in a takeaway cup that Alice and Jasper supplied as they came to check on Bella.

"Are you okay, honey? You went down like a ton of bricks," Jazz commented.

"I don't remember much. Rose drove me to the diner, and Edward kissed my throat...I don't recall anything more."

"That was about it. Rose went all strange...maybe morning sickness? And you fainted," Alice added.

"If you say so," Bella agreed. "Edward's promised to take over all the cooking duties and feed me three times a day," she smirked.

"Oh I have, have I?' I laughed. "Fine. I can slave all day long, saving lives, then go home and do all the domestic chores. Anything so long as Bella never has to lift a finger ever again."

"Good plan," she agreed. "Just make sure you sort the laundry properly, I don't want any of my clothes having dye marks because you wash the darks with the lights."

"No, Ma'am, I shall read up on laundry sorting in the night, when I should be sleeping so I don't accidentally kill my patients in my fog of fatigue, but your washing shall be perfect."

"Good man," Alice agreed. "So, before we went away, Jasper and I booked our wedding for next weekend. You will be my attendant, with Rose, of course," Alice stated.

"Sure. I'm fine. I was just running on empty. A decent dinner from Edward's culinary expertise tonight and I will be right as rain. Can we leave? I hate hospitals."

"Carlisle already signed your release papers. Come on, take my hand and take things slowly."

"Edward, news flash. Rose is the pregnant one, not me. Stop fussing."

"Yes Ma'am," I replied, and stood beside her as she stood there, waiting to see if the dizziness would return. Every eye was on her and she blushed and waved us away. "I'm fine. Now I've been fed, I am back to normal."

"Normalcy is not what it's cracked up to be," Jazz joked, taking Alice's hand and kissing it.

"You are going to warn her, Alice?"

"Warn me about what?" Bella asked.

"About the bridesmaid dress you have to wear. It's hideous. At least the men just have to wear suits. How bad can a suit be?" Jasper replied with a grin.

Alice laughed and took Bella's hand. "We do need to talk. Discuss rose petals and wearing proper shoes, with heels. It's not a long walk down the aisle, but it will be done properly," she warned.

"By all means, buy me shoes I can face plant in, in front of everyone. That will be such fun. Thanks so much, Alice."

"So, are you working this afternoon?" Jazz asked and I nodded. "I have another four hours to go. But Bella should go home and rest, just to be sure she is okay."

"We can take her. And it will give me the chance to snoop in your cottage and see all the improvements you have done."

"I haven't actually done anything," I admitted. "I will get around to it, in time, but Bella and I have had other priorities."

"Like not eating. And yet you have that nice kitchen. What on earth do you use it for, then?" Alice asked, keeping a straight face as she tapped a finger on her chin.

"None of your business," I laughed.

"I hope you wipe the benches down afterwards with disinfectant wipes," Alice murmured. "God, I miss kitchen bench top sex. Put that on our list of things to do once our daughter is hatched, Jasper."

"Daughter?" Bella asked.

"Yes, I win that bet," I reminded her. "You owe me my prize for being right."

"And people wonder why we have no time to eat," Bella sighed.

X~x~X

BPOV

From the moment I opened my eyes, the ache was there. In my head and in my heart. I couldn't think straight but I knew I had remembered something there was no way I wanted to remember. I pushed the thought aside as I gazed into Edward's worried green eyes.

Although the food and coffee filled me, the ache was still there, and as Jasper drove us to the cottage, I started seeing auras.

"Migraine," I grimaced and shut my eyes. "I can feel it coming on."

"What can we give you? Do you have tablets?" Alice asked anxiously.

"Yes, they are in the drawer beside the bed. I take two with water and need the light blocked out of the bedroom and no noise. You guys can go, I will sleep like the dead until tomorrow."

"I don't think we should leave you alone," Jazz replied.

"Believe me, it will help if you do. I don't want to be thinking about you two sitting around while I'm sleeping. Just shut the curtains and give me my meds and go. Truly. It's what I prefer."

Jasper helped me from the car, my eyes still tightly closed and he walked me to bed, where Alice stripped me down to my underwear and slid me inside the cool sheets while Jazz closed the curtains and killed the light.

I swallowed the pills and lay back and waited, mentally counting down. It usually took until fifty to work and all I could see where bright patches of light against jet black, behind my eyelids. The brightness hurt and stabbed into my brain and I longed for the blackness to descend. Finally, just when the pain was truly unbearable, the black hole appeared and I slid down it gracefully.

I sensed him there, beside me. I should have known Jasper would call Edward and he would come running. His body was cold from being outside and felt blissful against my bare skin when he stripped and lay down beside me.

Although I slept, I was always just slightly conscious enough to feel the buzz as our skin touched, and Edward changed the cold compresses on my forehead. I was grateful for his presence and I slept all the better for him being there.

Around midnight, the pain was gone. It always ended this way, switched itself off like a light and disappeared until the next time. All I felt was hunger. Edward was snoring softly at my side so I dug him in the ribs and kissed his lips as he groggily opened his eyes.

"Hey," he said, smiling. "Are you okay?"

"Ravenous," I confirmed.

"The pain is gone? Do you need more medication?"

"Nope, I will be fine now, I just need to eat. You caused this, making me faint and not letting me eat," I growled but something inside bothered me. It really wasn't his fault, it wasn't anything he had done, so it must have been me.

"Omelette's?" he suggested. "We have cheese and ham."

"Lovely," I agreed, "but hold the ham for now. I avoid salt after a headache like that."

He cooked and I stretched and walked around the cottage. "You didn't have to come home, but I'm glad you did," I confessed.

"Do you think it was really just not eating? You seemed stressed. Rose was definitely stressed. before you fainted, she asked you to tell her 'No'. Do you remember what that was about?"

Something rang a bell but all I could think of was Angela Webber.

"Nope. sorry. Maybe you should ask Rose."

"I'm banned from stressing her further. Emmett has threatened me with a restraining order if I ask her anything. He's back, he came home the second Dad called him about Rose."

"He needs a job here or she needs to go live in Seattle. It's ridiculous, living apart like that all week. If anything happened to the baby while he was there..."

"Nothing will happen to the baby. Dad is making Rose is prime concern. He wants this grandbaby as much as they do. He knows what it's like to lose a child, he wouldn't let it happen to them if there's any way to prevent it. I think he plans to keep Rose in hospital under observation for a week or more. She is in the best hands."

"She isn't bleeding or anything?"

"No, but they are having trouble getting her blood pressure back to normal, so she may have to get used to being bedridden for a while."

"But it doesn't mean the baby is sick or that she will lose it, right?"

"Stop worrying. Truly, Love, the babies that are meant to make it into the world do make it just about no matter what. I've seen pregnant ladies come in bashed and battered from car crashes and barely cling to life themselves and their babies have held on and stayed the whole nine months and survived. And some women do everything right and lose their precious cargo. We can't explain why. If this baby is meant to be, he will hang on and survive."

"I hope he does. It would be cool, Alice's little girl and Rose's boy. If it is a boy."

"I think Emmett has pretty much ordered a son. He usually gets his own way."

"But he won't mind if it's a girl, will he?"

"Of course not and she will have him wrapped around her little finger the moment she is born. I would love to see Emmett with a daughter, just to see someone tiny boss him around."

"She'd be one opinionated little Miss, you would expect. Do you think Carlisle and Esme have a preference?"

"No way, Bella. After what they went through losing my brother, I'm absolutely sure they will be delighted no matter what grandchildren they end up with. Each one will be precious and a miracle. Dad would like a whole gang, we shall have to wait and see if Rose is up to fulfilling his dream. I can totally imagine Emmett with a dozen kids. It wouldn't faze him for a minute."

"If we ever had kids it would halve their load," I murmured thoughtfully.

"Hey, Baby, I'm never going to ask you to do anything you don't want to do. I've seen enough fractured families to know both parents have to be a hundred per cent keen and sure for things to work out okay. I can accept you don't like children enough to have them."

"Edward, don't say that. I love children, I just can't go through what...Angela...went through."

I felt strange saying the words.

EPOV

"We should talk about that. Are you sure, Bella, that it was Angela Webber?" I asked.

"Of course I am. What sort of a question is that? She was the only other person in the delivery room other than the midwife and doctor."

"It's just that Ben Cheney was in town and he happens to be very gay. There's no way he fathered that baby. He admits he has never tried having sex with any female ever."

"But it was him. He was Angela's boyfriend at college."

"No, he was at college on the other side of the country. He never went to SeattleU. Think back. You said he wasn't there at the birth. Can you remember him ever being with Angie?"

"Then who was the father?"

"Did Angela tell you specifically it was Ben, or did you just jump to that conclusion?"

Bella held her head and looked at me.

"Is this making the migraine return? God, I'm sorry. I'm just confused why the facts don't add up. It doesn't matter, Angela is nothing to me. I barely spoke to her ever. We can drop it. How do you feel?"

"I've had this hole in my chest," she replied. "When I saw you in the driveway, it changed. It started to feel hopeful. And during the time we have been together, it felt like it was healing. It's been there so long I sort of forgot about it, until that first moment. Now it feels kind of raw again and I know it felt a lot worse than this once. A long time ago. But I don't remember why. I know I missed you but that was not it, not completely. We had hardly been together, there was no way I would mourn like a widow. I know I went to a bad place and Jake even flew to Seattle because Charlie was panicking over my apparent lack of something...lack of enthusiasm, lack of life, he called it."

She tugged at her hair.

"It was Angela's baby that made me feel so bad. I couldn't cope or think about it. I just shut down and Rose took me to a counsellor, every single day, for months. She said I was depressed. Then one day it just started to feel okay again and Angela had left college and moved away, so I guess I let go of Benjamin a little then. Without her there to remind me, it didn't seem as real."

"Okay. We should probably let it go. You are coping well enough, unless you want to find a counsellor here? Are there things you still need to talk about?"

An idea was forming in my mind. I was in a position at work where I could pull up Death Certificates without applying for any copy or leaving a paper trail. I don't know why it was bugging me, except I knew once upon a time, Rose and Emmett were apart for a few months, and my brother had been a close friend of Angela while Rose was absent from High School, visiting her sick grandfather in Alaska. I really didn't want to consider he had ever crossed the line and cheated on Rose, but there was a reason she reacted like that at the the diner. I couldn't decode the conversation, but somehow Rose had realised something important. Bella had said something to reveal a secret.

I rushed through work and managed to find time to be in Carlisle's office by my first scheduled break. He was at his hobby business first thing today, and wouldn't be in for another half hour, so I sat down and scrolled through the Deaths for that relevant year.

No Benjamin Webber, Benjamin Cheney or even a Benjamin Jenks, even though I gathered that relationship happened after Angela moved away.

I found myself tapping the keys without thought.

Surely the baby had not been my nephew?

No Benjamin Cullen showed. I breathed out a breath I had been unaware I was holding.

A pop-up appeared on the screen, notifying me of a close name match.

I clicked on it.

Benjamin Edward Swan - Cullen.

Date of birth...God no. That made him born around nine months to the day after Charlotte's party. While Bella was a Freshman at SeattleU.

Mother's Name: Isabella Marie Swan.

Father's Name: Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

I shut down the computer and stepped back, tearing at my own hair.

It wasn't possible.

She would have told me. Rose would have told me. Emmett, for God's sake, Emmett was right there with her, every fucking day, surely.

I walked down the hallway, intending leaving the hospital and going somewhere to think this through when I passed Rose's room. The door was open and she was laying there, watching me.

"I swear I had no idea he was yours, Edward, I would have told you. I never saw him. I was dealing with one of Emmett's minor crisis' when she went into labor. The police were involved so I had to go run interference.

I didn't know her labor had started. Angela went in with her. She'd been really great with Bella, looking after her when I couldn't be there because your brother spent his entire Freshman year off his face on beer or Jack or whatever the fuck pills he was 'experimenting' with. He spent half his life stoned or shitfaced. I was so involved with him and his messes, I really wasn't there for her. And she swore it was the kid of that one night stand. How could I ever imagine that was you, Edward? Neither of you told anyone."

"But why didn't Bella tell me?" I asked.

"By the time she found out she was even pregnant, she was about five months along and it was the movements that alerted her. Nothing else. No weight gain, no belly like Alice's. She had widened at the waist and hips width-ways but she was sort of soft and out of shape. But you know she hated sports of any kind, and she sat around studying, so much. She drank gallons of coffee. She was eating badly, burning the midnight oil. It doesn't lead to fit, healthy physiques. She was extremely tired and had missed some classes but Angela was making notes and helping her keep up. I told her to go to a doctor. I was worried it could be some blood disorder, or something like that, but she insisted it would pass.

Then she gave in and had a blood test and it revealed the pregnancy. The doctor was worried about something in the blood test result, so he called her back a few days later and they did a 3D scan.

We'd been out buying little clothes and some stroller we couldn't work out how to assemble but we figured that would be Emmett's job when the time came. I was determined to clean him up and have him sober before the delivery date.

The scan showed baby had some problem with it's brain development, it didn't form properly and they told her straight out it could not survive. They booked her for a termination but she wouldn't let them do it. She had read somewhere about how few babies got donor organs and she wanted her baby's life to have some meaning, so she carried him to term, and let them take his organs. Some other parents who had been through it were always around supporting her for the final months.

It's a moral minefield, some states won't let the babies be used as organ donors. But Bella was adamant and found a way with the help of the support groups. She came out of hospital kind of triumphant that she had won and gotten her wish, but the euphoria passed of course and reality bit instead. She had lost her baby.

She completely broke down. Everything got confused in her head and she had to fight to make up a story she could accept. The baby became normal in her mind and not expected to die. Then it became her Godson, she could cope better if he wasn't hers. I swear I had no idea he was yours. I have the papers but they are sealed. I was just keeping them so if Bella ever asked for them, they would be there, safe. His Birth and Death certificates. That's all there was."

I leaned in and wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumb.

"So, she never told me because she knew there would not be a Baby Cullen at the end? That he would die and there was no point involving me?"

She nodded. "I just thought she was choosing right, not wanting to involve the father, because he was a stranger and she couldn't even come up with his name. I mean, most people would lie and name somebody, but she just kept saying she had never asked him his name. Not even his first name. Then she decided, out of the blue, that he was named Ben, and she would name the baby after him."

"So, Angela was there and she saw the baby?"

"God, that's why she moved away. It was too traumatic for her. Bella held him for a few minutes, but someone had washed him and put a little blue beanie over his head and he looked normal.

Angela saw him born and take a breath and she said seeing Bella holding him was the saddest sight she had ever seen, " Rose sobbed. "She'd expected him to look different, but he was like any other baby. His skull was made of softer bone than normal, that was all. The real damage was all inside. She looked up at the doctor with such a look of longing and hope, it broke Angela's heart. Bella wanted a miracle, and she thought in that split second she had been granted one."

I knew the condition she was talking about. Some form of closed neural tube defect. There were various forms but I had no real compulsion to know. Not yet.

"Thank you, Rose. For telling me. I had kind of put the pieces together, but now it makes sense. Bella truly seems to have convinced herself it was not her baby."

"She had some form of post distress syndrome, like soldiers get. The doctor said it was her way of coping and whenever they tried to force her to face the reality, she went back to a state of collapse again, so in the end they settled for functioning. She copes so long as she can keep hold of the illusion he was Angela's baby. Angela doesn't know, so we all just let it go. I had no idea. I would have told you, I promise."

"I believe you. I guess I understand her logic. She was never going to need child support payments."

"No, but at first she did intend telling him. You. She booked a plane ticket to New York. She told me 'he' was there now, after he transferred out. I just never considered 'he' could be you. She wanted to tell you in person, and that she was keeping the baby. She always said the reason she didn't tell the father after the diagnosis was so that he wouldn't ache like she ached. She had this big hole in her chest from the moment they told her about his condition. Now I understand better. She didn't want you to ache over something nothing could change. It was unfixable. She suffered enough for you both. You've seen her tattoo, of course."

I nodded. She had it written on her back, in tiny copperplate letters.

_"You are valuable because you existed._

_Not because of what you have done_

_but simply because you were."_

X~x~X

Carlisle sat still and listened and I knew it hurt him even more than it hurt me. It wasn't real to me yet, because the knowledge was too new and unexpected. I had started the day thinking some student I barely knew had been the one to face the tragedy, now it was so much more personal. Now it was my Bella. Not me, not yet.

I had known nothing of the pregnancy. I guess in one way I was grateful she spared me that traumatic journey, really, but I did grieve because I hadn't been there for her and I knew by her own words, she had regretted not telling me when Benjamin was born. When he was there, alive so briefly, she had regretted her silence.

But she had put it behind her and gone on.

"What I need to know is, how do I handle this now? Do I try and make her admit I know he was our son?"

"I'll ask for copies of her notes and get an opinion from an expert. It seems to me that this may be something you might have to let go and not force her to confront. We have to consider the consequences of making her remember."

"It seems kind of wrong. Not sharing this together."

"I would agree but it sounds like Bella is only holding herself together because she is living with the lie. You have to choose, do you want to risk her mental health or accept her as she is? Is there anything to gain? It was years ago, and she's living a productive life and even coping with Alice and Rose being pregnant. I think you need to accept her as she is, flaws and all, and not push her. She was clearly very strong minded at the time and maybe that's used up all her reserves."

"So, we leave Benjamin as her Godson and live the lie?"

"It's not such a terrible lie, Edward. Maybe one day she will find the strength to tell you. The only negative seems to be her resistance to ever have another child. If you can accept that, then I would be inclined to leave things as they are. Your mother didn't cope all that well after your brother's death. I think had she been able to delude herself like Bella has, she would have chosen that option too. She has never been able to bring herself to tell you boys about his existence and I have never pushed her. Sometimes there is one thing we can't accept and it may be better to just indulge Bella like I have your Mother. No good can come of forcing either issue with them."

"What was his name?" I asked.

Carlisle looked shocked. "You don't know? I assumed she named your baby after him. His name is Benjamin Edward Cullen. Thus you being labelled with the name you always complained was so old fashioned. Esme wanted to honor his memory and keep a little of him alive through you, his brother. You looked like he did, Emmett was nothing like him. I think your mother named Emmett an 'E' name so she could name the next son Edward."

"But Bella could not have known. I never told her about him until recently. How could she have come up with the same name?"

"Maybe she saw his gravestone. Maybe she read his name when she was a child, and remembered it on some level. He is buried in the same row at the cemetery as her Gran and you know she visits that grave a lot and always has, since childhood. Maybe she read all the names in that row, like I did."

"Did he die from the same condition? Is it hereditary? Is Emmett's son in danger?"

"It is genetic but not necessarily hereditary. There is no history of neural tube defects in our family. Our Benjamin died of a cot death. He was perfectly healthy. The most likely cause is a lack of folic acid in the mother's body, or an outside influence. Crop spraying has been suggested by some scientists. Nobody can exactly know. If Bella ever wanted more children, then genetic counselling beforehand would be advisable but I think she was probably just unlucky."

"Maybe you are right. Maybe you and I can be one another's support systems and leave the ladies to cling on to their methods of coping. I guess it will hit me, one day soon. What I've lost. Just now, it seems kind of surreal."

"It's difficult because you never saw him or knew of his existence. Whether that will make it easier or harder, I don't know. I have some memories of our Benjamin and photos. You have nothing. I'm truly sorry, Edward."

One of the nurses appeared at the door. "Good news, Drs Cullen. Rosalie's blood pressure has gone back to normal since her conversation with Dr Edward here. She's feeling a lot better."

"That is good news. Come see how our favourite patient is, Edward."

Rose did look more relaxed now. I guess the burden of knowledge had left her back and I smiled and kissed her knuckles.

"Be safe, Rose. This is all about you and your baby now. We want both of you safe and healthy and happy."

"Thank you, Edward," she replied.

"So, my Bro fixed my Rosie with his magical words alone? Cool, cheers for that, Edward. You must be a witch doctor," Emmett grinned as he walked into the room cradling a fragrant smelling coffee in a takeaway container.

"My pleasure," I replied.

I felt the urge to smoke. It rarely hit me now, but I decided I could indulge in one last hit of nicotine, then give up this vice entirely.

"I'm going to call it a day, if that's alright, Carlisle."

"Sure. Go home. Take some time to heal yourself. Kiss Bella for us all."

I passed the viewing window of the nursery and peered inside. We only had three inmates. Two were girls and I gazed briefly at the lone baby boy in the blue blanket. I did know what I had lost, but I was pretty sure it would hit a lot harder once my brother had a son of his own, and I didn't.


	12. Chapter 12

The Copycat

Chapter 12

BPOV

I guess I was still tense, and when I arrived at work and noticed the bizarre bruised face that used to be Jessica Stanley but had been cut and moulded to look even more like the face I saw in the mirror every day, I lost it.

"What the fuck are you thinking? If you are having plastic surgery why aren't you choosing to look like Beyonce or some famous actress? You need help. What was wrong with your own face? Why the Hell do you want to be some second rate copy of me?" I screamed.

"Bella, you know I have always thought you were beautiful," she murmured, unable to even open her mouth properly.

"I'm ...getting a restraining order or...or copyrighting my face or something. You are insane," I ranted.

Her face fell and she winced as she sat down behind her desk, and her hands automatically cradled her breasts.

"What? Oh my God, you had a breast reduction? Jessica, please listen to me. This is not normal behaviour. You need help. Proper help. Someone who can stand up to you and tell you this is all just wrong. You work your ass off and obviously spend every penny becoming me, but I'm still here. What will happen when we are identical? Though you are shorter than me, Thank God."

"They can extend shin bones by separating the bone and inserting..."

"Stop it now," I yelled. "Are we friends? Do you want me to talk to you? If you have one more thing done, I'm skipping town and never speaking to you again."

My head throbbed, and I went into the office and slammed the door. Honestly, the girl was crazy as a loon. I worked by myself, never calling on Jessica for any help, all morning and got lost in my tasks.

I looked up finally when someone knocked quietly and there stood Emmett.

"Hey, Bella , do you want me to put a hit out on her?" he grinned, sitting on my desk and making faces at Jessica through the glass. "Though I'd have to be here in person to make sure the hitman got the right girl. He could easily mistake you for her. Whatever."

"It's just too strange. Maybe if I was Angelina Jolie maybe I could understand but I'm just me. Surely one Bella Swan is enough. So, enough lunatic talk, how is Rose?"

"That's what I'm here to tell you. Her blood pressure is normal and it's all down to Edward. He had a talk to her and she is fine now."

"That must have been quite a conversation. He wants his nephew or niece to be okay, so he is motivated to get Rose better again. When is she getting out?"

"Tomorrow, if nothing changes. So, as she is still in bed and Edward is busy, I thought I might take my favourite sister-in-law to lunch."

I figured I was close enough to that description and looked at the time. It was lunchtime and I was hungry and Edward had ordered that I stop and eat regularly, even if it meant his father's business went broke. Not that it would happen, I was hardly indispensable.

"Not the diner," I begged, wanting a change. Dad had dragged me there too often for it to be a place I wanted to go nowadays.

"Carvery?" he suggested. I had enjoyed my meal from them yesterday so I agreed.

We filled our plates at the buffet and ate hungrily. I like eating with Emmett, it makes me look like I eat only an average amount of food, as opposed to his piled high plate. They probably need to rethink their "All you can eat" policy. I sensed he had something to say so I waited him out and after dessert, he started shifting restlessly in his chair.

"Say it, out loud," I suggested.

"I'm really sorry I was not there for you Freshman Year at college. I was a complete tool and no use to anyone, and I guess I owe my very life to Rose, for pulling me into line and not taking shit from me. But I know I fought her and felt entitled to have one year of complete dickhead behaviour. I never cheated on her or anything."

"Emmett, you are still breathing. It goes without saying that you didn't cheat. And I had a lot of issues of my own. I barely noticed your absence."

"Well, if I had known you were Edward's girl, I would have put in a lot more effort."

"Thank you, Emmett. I guess we didn't do ourselves or anyone else any favours by hiding what we had done. But I still feel pretty superior. I bet you never concealed anything from Rose for that long."

"Uh-uh. She tortures everything out of me. Let's face it, all she has to do is cross her legs and I'd confess to The Great Train Robbery if it meant she would open them again."

"Men are so weak," I laughed. He looked like a cross between a professional wrestler and a bouncer, yet Rose led him around by the ear, or maybe by the dick was a better way of putting it.

"I think I agree with Edward. It would be cool to see you with a little daughter and watch you ask 'how high?' when she tells you to jump."

"I think I would prefer a girl, in the circumstances, " he replied, looking directly into my eyes. "I think Edward needs to have the first live Cullen grandson. You have to reconsider, Bella. He's lost his son, too, it's not just you. Life has no guarantees but Carlisle can help and give you supplements to help make sure that doesn't happen again."

"I take folate. I take a multivitamin that is prescribed for me," I answered. I knew, deep inside, exactly what he was talking about. Sometimes the hood of pretence disappears and I have to face my demons. "Edward knows?"

"Yeah, he figured it out. He suspected maybe I had played away and was the father of Angela's baby. He found the Death Certificate online. His name is on it as Father of your son."

"I couldn't lie about that. I don't know why. But I never wanted him to know. I don't think he will approve of what I allowed to happen. How could any father? Where is he?"

"He's at the cottage. I think I should take you there. Dad won't care if you don't return to work today. Let's face it, with his failing eyesight, he may well assume Jessica is you anyway."

"Not funny, Emmett," I growled. "Take me home, to Edward. We do need to talk."

X~x~X

EPOV

Thinking was not helping and I feared most that I would change my mind and decide I had to try and have a child of my own, but that meant losing Bella, and I couldn't cope without her. This was so complicated. I knew what I wanted, in my heart of hearts, but I also knew it was not going to happen for us. Bella could never try again and I could completely understand why. Maybe if I had been there, and she'd had someone to share the loss with. Someone who was part of that loss, in the way no outsider could be. I'm sure Rose and Angela and the support groups had done all they could for her, but the words she had spoken about a baby needing it's father tore at my soul. Not that I knew for sure that I would have been able to cope, mind you. I would have probably been devastated and been no help to her, other than a shoulder to cry on while I sobbed my heart out on hers.

The cigarette wasn't helping and tasted like ash in my mouth so I stubbed it out. Somehow all the colour and flavour had faded from my life.

I had to decide what I wanted most.

Bella or a family.

I'd promised her once if she ever had my child, that would be it for me, I would be at her side forever, no matter what. I guess that's what decided it for me. I had to keep that promise, even if there was no child any more. She had not allowed anyone to kill our baby despite the fact she knew the only possible result was death for him anyway. She'd kept him safe and let him take that single breath, no matter how futile. Dad said he would have been unconscious and blind and deaf but he was alive. All life was precious and she knew that. Then she saved four other babies by handing him over to the care of the angels.

I was glad she had done that. It made some tiny semblance of sense out of the whole tragedy.

I looked up in surprise at the sound of Emmett's car. I thought he understood I needed some time alone. I debated whether to even answer the door, or whether to just sit here, by the pond, and ignore him.

Instead, the sound of a key in the lock alerted me it had to be Bella. I stood as she entered our bedroom and tossed her purse onto the bed, and kicked off her shoes.

"Edward," she said, and ran into my arms. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you but sometimes I truly do believe he was Angela's. I get all confused and force myself not to remember the truth, just pretend instead. It's easier if he was my Godson. It's easier if I didn't plan ahead to let them take him away and donate his organs. I should never have made that decision without asking you. It was wrong. He was just as much your baby as my own. I honestly thought you were better off not knowing."

"It's okay Love. You did the right thing. It makes all this a little less tragic, somehow. Bella, I am so sorry it happened. I should never have made love to you without protection. We were insane.

We both knew how babies were made yet we didn't even consider looting Emmett's room for condoms."

"We were insane but I never regretted it. I did regret the baby because he wasn't well and I mourned his loss, but never the way he was made. That night was always meant to happen, and I guess we had to pay."

"You paid a much higher price than I did," I replied sadly, smoothing the hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. "I do need you to tell me everything one day, when you are ready."

She nodded, and bit her lip, as she gazed past my face. Then she rallied. She constantly surprised me, with her ability to gather up her strength and go on. The words shocked me, but I was so ready for them.

"Edward, I love you and I think we should just throw caution to the wind and try again. Just stop contraception and if it happens, it happens. And if it's another poor little baby like Benjamin, then we have to accept that. Are you game?"

My heart skipped a beat and I lifted her in my arms and kissed her. "You will have to take some vitamins and folate and.."

"I already do. I have ever since the birth. Just one thing. I don't want anyone to know. Not yet. Not until we have all the scans and tests and he's okay. If he's not, we go away and live somewhere else and he will be born there, in secret. I couldn't stand their pity, Edward. And if it happened that way again, then I don't think I could ever come back here. I hate the idea of making you choose between me and your family, but I couldn't come back and play happy families. I couldn't bear to have to spend time with Emmett and Rose's kids or even Jasper and Alice's if this went bad again. I guess if that happens, that's when you will have to choose where you want to be. Whether you want to come home or stay with me."

"I already know the answer. We are in this for life and if you do this, then everything from this point on is your choice. I will never fight to make you change your mind. You know there's a good chance the next baby will be fine?"

"I had genetic counselling, there's no hereditary link on my side. No unexplained deaths, no miscarriages even. I don't know why your brother died though."

"Cot death. No reason. Even some perfect babies die. But this next baby will make it. I can feel it in my bones. Thank You, Love. You are making my life perfect. We need to get married. Soon. Sooner than soon. Let's just do the Justice of the Peace thing at the courthouse. Unless you want the dress and the crowd and the attention?"

"Don't push your luck. I'm not so abnormal I would want to entirely miss out on having our families see us unite. I want to walk down the aisle on Charlie's arm. I want Renee to cry and remember her own wedding and get her mind back where it should be. She will only get to play Mother of the Bride once in her lifetime.

Not to mention, I want to see you waiting at the front of that aisle, for me. And know that I'm enough, and know that we are in this together, forever.

You have a shower, I'm going to call Alice. Find out how one organizes a wedding quickly. We do enough to make everyone happy so long as it's possible to organise it all within six weeks, max."

X~x~X

BPOV

"Alice, don't freak but Edward and I have to get married fast. No, no reason, we just want to. We are sick of waiting. Here's where you come in. What does it take to plan a wedding? I don't care about the colour of the table napkins or whatever. You and Rosalie can just wear something you like, I'm sure you both have fifty dresses suitable for weddings. I'll borrow my Mom's wedding dress."

Alice's scream nearly deafened me. "No you will not wear your Mom's dress. That's unlucky, or something. She and Charlie are hardly the poster couple for happy marriages. You have spoilt our secret now. Jasper and I got married months ago. Yes, we didn't wait for his folks to change their minds and like me. That may never happen. This wedding ceremony this weekend was to be a surprise wedding for Rosalie and Emmett but she didn't react politely when I told her about Mr Webber coming to do the ceremony in the backyard at Esme's house. She wants cathedrals and horse drawn carriages so actually, Jazz and I were thinking of renewing our vows instead, just to use the wedding, but this is much better. Much more exciting. Edward can just pay the bills, and there you go, instant wedding."

"Really, Alice? That's five days away. I could be Mrs Edward Cullen in five days? Do we have to do blood tests and apply for a licence?"

"I will walk you through everything. Hang up, I have to do some arranging."

I ended the call as ordered and went to join Edward in the shower.

"So, Doctor Edward Cullen, do you think you can knock me up within the next five days? I always wanted to be pregnant when I got married. Alice has handed their wedding over to us. The dirty sneaks are already hitched."

"Really. God, some people are just not trustworthy, are they, Love?"

"Are you up for it?"

"Sure. I think I can give it a good try. Come here and we can make a start."

"I'm not going to change my mind, don't worry about that. I know I can't hide from life any more. Now it involves your life too, I have to show how much I love you and not just say the words. I want to try again, for you. I want you to have a son or a daughter. I want us to be the family you crave. I'm through with running and hiding and thinking only of myself. I'm giving you my heart, I hope you will take good care of it, Edward. I trust you to do that."

"I will treasure it forever. I will do all I can to never break it or even scar it a little. You need a dress. Something amazing yet ready made," he laughed. "Something that shows the world how truly beautiful you are. But that can wait until tomorrow. Right now I prefer you naked."

X~x~X

If this was how an already organised wedding went, then I was grateful I didn't have to start from scratch. Alice had my gown sent via an assistant, Jack, from the designer's own staff, and he fussed and pinned and altered the waistline slightly. It would have been a perfect fit, had I been pregnant already but I was walking down the aisle possibly at my slimmest. It would be a badge of honour to slightly thicken up this waistline. I had actually gone into the delivery room weighing less than my normal weight last time, because of the stress and and almost complete inability to force myself to eat. I only managed to consume the protein shakes that Angela or Rose forced on me many times each day because I had to keep the baby alive.

I finally got to go home and fully intended moaning to Edward about the hours of standing there, been fitted and ignored, like I was just a mannequin who somehow failed to be the perfect shape for their dress, their creation. Jack and Alice did the whole whinging about my thinness, and both had their hands on their hips at times as they feared the dress would never hang right or whatever.

I was scared Alice would suggest padding me up with an artificial ass-piece or something. I fled.

Edward was sitting at the window, gazing outside and I sat down beside him and took his hand and words flooded from my mouth. Just not thee words I'd intended.

I just talked. Just explained how it had been. He didn't interrupt, he just sqeezed my hand and let me ramble on.

The whole pregnancy had been a complete nightmare, once I knew there would not be a baby coming out of it at the end. It was more than my head could wrap itself around. All pregnancies ended in babies, surely? I knew friends who'd had miscarriages, often soon after announcing their pregnancies, and blindly assumed they were for the best. Problem pregnancies aborted naturally, and healthy babies fought the good fight and came out alive and perfect.

Intellectually I know that would have meant there would be no challenged babies on the planet but you tend to see things in black and white at times.

My first thought had been, well, at least I've gotten the first five months done already, this will be like a four month pregnancy.

Rose and I had a ball, buying little baby things; clothes too small to believe, little hats and shoes and blankets, and a never ending selection of toys. I remember laughing, thinking Emmett would love these playthings and would probably compete with the baby to have a turn. He had been completely oblivious to my condition. Rose decided he would not be informed until he earned the right to be part of the preparations by getting off the various substances he was messing with, and he had to be both clean and sober for an entire month. Then he would get to join in and only I knew, he would be part of the welcoming committee for his own niece or nephew.

I blew the last of my 'emergency' stash on a plane ticket. I wanted so much to tell Edward, even though I had zero expectations from him. I assumed he would have moved on and found a girl, or girls, by then, and I faced up to the very real possibility he would not find any positives in the news. That didn't matter. He was going to be a father and he had to know.

I fully intended sharing the baby with him and his family, there was no way I would be leaving his parents out in the cold if they wanted contact with their first grandbaby and I was sure Esme would. She was that type of woman. She would accept the fact Edward and I were not a couple, just ships that passed in the night, and treat the baby as special anyway.

No matter how Edward reacted.

To think I spent an entire night sweating about his possible reactions. I sat on my bed, in the dark, practising my 'faces' so if he yelled and screamed or demanded an abortion, I would have already prepared the right face. I would be strong yet understanding if he hated the whole idea of fatherhood. I guess I even considered keeping up the lie and naming my unknown v card casher, if that was what Edward wanted.

I would fly back to Seattle and cry in Angela's arms, and tell her how whatever his name was had spurned me and rejected the baby and we would create a family of our own, Angela, Rose, Emmett and I.

Maybe Edward would even reject the idea of Emmett knowing the baby, but as I couldn't have Rose's support without Emmett's involvement too, that would just be bad luck for Edward.

If he embraced the idea of the baby...that was my dream, my fantasy. I would tell him and his face would light up in a smile, and we would embrace and go off somewhere in New York. Somewhere quiet and pretty, and sit together on the grass, and Edward would confess he had always loved me in secret, and we would kiss and start choosing baby names and he would buy the baby a teddy bear.

I knew the chances of that little scenario happening were slim, but as I had zero idea how he would react, I felt quite justified coming up with a happy face response as well.

Then, before the date of the flight even came around, everything came crashing down. Despite the tone of the receptionist who phoned to say the doctor had booked me in for a scan, all I thought was, yeah, he only has four months to rip as much money as he can in medical fees from me. I had honestly gone in that day expecting to see my baby and come out knowing it was a boy, or a girl, and flapping the scan photos in the faces of everyone who would look.

The way the doctor came in right from the start did not alert me, I assumed they always did things that way. I had no clue for a routine scan, it was just done by an operator and the results sent to the doctor.

I was even annoyed that he kept the screen turned away so I couldn't see what he was looking at so intently. Then he called in some specialist and I heard amongst their mutterings, the term 'monster' applied to my baby! I was completely thrown, and when they finally included me in the discussion, they both assumed everything was cut and dried.

I was coldly informed my child was 'incompatible with life' and an abortion would happen the following week. Of course I had demanded to know what the fuck they were talking about, and they showed me the image and he looked fine to me. The white outline of his skull was complete, but apparently, the blackness inside indicated the brain had not formed, and he would not ever be able to think, to use his senses, even to hear or see.

He would possibly breathe maybe for moments, but there was no hope.

No possible chance he would live.

Not in any circumstances.

Therefore, the medical world deemed him unfit for even a short life and wanted him ended before he even began. Turfed out of his safe haven into the trash.

I think I nodded and hurriedly left but I had no intention of following their plan. I Googled the syndrome and found out in some circumstances, babies like this were able to donate hearts and kidneys and livers to other babies who would die without them, and I knew, were a brain transplant possible, I would want someone to donate their doomed infants organ to my baby and save him, so that was the path I chose. I found support groups, and the members had all been there and done that and explained how to have life pronounced extinct, even if there were faint brain activity recorded.

I couldn't believe that as dire as the need was for donor newborn organs, there were people who opposed such things from happening, claiming the doomed babies were technically alive, therefore could not be 'killed' for their organs. Even though those same babies were allowed to be aborted had their mother's chosen that path.

It made no sense but at least it gave me a new goal to aim for.

The only thing I was never prepared for was his appearance. They termed him a monster, so I had visions of the baby inside being less than human, then there he was. Perfect. A little face beneath a headful of coppery hair. I looked into his eyes and I knew there was no normal response as he gazed unseeing back at me. His eyes were Edward's eyes, but without the sparkle, without the life. But they were deep green emerald pools and I tried to convince myself, they could change. They could suddenly light up inside and see me, but of course, my prayers went unheeded and I kissed him goodbye and handed him over.

He'd been bathed and dressed by one of the compassionate friends of the support group and when I left the hospital, I was handed an envelope I have never opened.

"Rose has his birth and death certificates," Edward said, finally speaking.

I frowned. "I don't know what is in this envelope. I have it here, now. It's always in my purse. One of the other Moms who lost her baby told me one day I would feel ready to open this up and look inside and feel love and loss and forget the horror."

"Is it time?" he asked.

I guess I knew there was probably a photograph in there and I felt the overwhelming desire to share what little I could of our son with Edward. I handed him the envelope and he tore it open, slowly, watching my face.

Several Polaroids fell out and a small blue arm band.

"Baby Benjamin Edward Swan-Cullen"

A real baby, not a monster.

A real baby with a name and an arm band.

The photos were amazing and he looked just like I remembered him. I gazed at each imagine, greedily absorbing all I could.

Benjamin was in the bath, then he was lying on a towel. His hair was thick and luxurious and fanned out around his face. Then he was wearing a blue gown and a beanie and a lot of that hair was hidden. Then he was in my arms. I hadn't even been aware of that photo being taken.

I guess Sylvia knew one day, I would be ready and this was all I would ever have to cling to.

Edward sat there for a long time, hours, just looking at the photos and keeping his arm firmly around my shoulders. I knew how hard this was, for him, who had known nothing.

At least I'd known Benjamin for nine months.

At least I'd met him.

"I was so wrong to not tell you. I know that now."

He just kissed the top of my head and held me tighter. Long into the night, when we could no longer see our son, we sat there.

Still and silent, like statues.

Then Edward finally stood, all thoughts of weddings and dress fittings long forgotten, and we went to our bed and lay there silently in one another's arms all night.

And Edward wept with me.


	13. Chapter 13

The Copycat

Chapter 13

BPOV

I woke up alone, and fear hit me instantly. All this was new to Edward and I know how close I had come to jumping off the nearest cliff when the whole truth had first impacted me days after leaving the hospital. Of course, you don't get to just walk away, battered and bruised as you are.

There's the funeral to arrange, though I had chosen as low key as possible. Cremation and even then, I delayed indefinitely the scattering of his ashes.

I hurriedly dressed and walked out to the kitchen, to find a surprisingly happy Edward cooking breakfast.

"Hey, blueberry pancakes? You know I make the best pancakes ever. Sit down, I'll pour you a coffee. Do you have your shoes yet or is Alice keeping them safely underwraps until the actual ceremony so you don't snap the heels off?"

I recognised my old friend and companion immediately.

Denial.

He lived with me still at times, and now he appeared to be residing with Edward as well.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked, walking up behind him as he busily tossed pancakes. I lay my head against his back and he paused for a single second, and smothered a sob, then moved away, and brightly smiled at me, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I have to talk to Carlisle and Jazz, I'm not a hundred per cent sure I agree with the wine list for the wedding."

"Okay," I replied, and walked back to the table with my coffee. It took time, and he wouldn't thank me for forcing the issue now. It seemed we were doing the wedding first before discussing my failure to accept he was as much entitled to decide how our son lived and died, as I had been, yet I had ignored Edward's existence and coped the best way I knew how to, at the time.

All I could hope was that my behaviour had not been entirely unforgivable. That Edward would find a way to accept I really wasn't capable of making real, rational, fair choices at that time. I had developed tunnel vision, all that mattered was that Benjamin hang on until full term and have his organs fully mature.

"I'm not even sure about the ham. Pineapple glazed is my favourite and you know they ordered cherry glazed, Emmett's favourite, instead. I wonder if it's too late to change that order?" he mused out loud.

"Whatever you prefer," I replied, and ate the stack of pancakes he thrust in front of me.

I am ashamed to admit, I almost enjoyed escaping to work to get away from his forced shield of normalcy.

The rest of the week passed, with changes to various menu items and Edward's pineapple ham was happening, so nights were spent with my fiance being busy in any way he could think of, just so he could avoid coming to bed before I fell asleep. I knew it was a normal reaction. He was afraid now. Now he knew the reality, he had to face we could make another poor little lost soul like Benjamin. I'm sure he Googled our chances, and discussed them in detail with his father, but around me, he was as happy as a lark, and completely avoiding the issue.

Each morning I awoke alone , clearly Edward had programmed his iPhone alarm if not himself to wake before I did, so he could go run around Forks before the dawn even broke. He came home sweating, necessitating a long shower at a time too late for me to delay my departure to work any longer.

"Oh, just go without me, I'll see you tonight," he would call. I was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to touch me again. I'd ended the contraception, and we could conceive anytime we had sex, and he knew that. Maybe that meant we would not be making love for a very long time. The idea scared me on several levels. I was already becoming shaky myself, wondering if we truly could survive a new pregnancy. I feared backing out again and shattering his hopes completely, but at the moment I had no idea even if he would ever want to try again. Every time I tried to raise the issue, Edward switched the subject to some pressing potential disaster associated with The Wedding.

The thing we lived and breathed.

Were the local band really up to scratch? Were they wedding class? Maybe we should be looking for alternate entertainment.

Would the cars all fit in the street or should they create some temporary parking on Carlisle's vast area of land? It would require some hurried landscaping to remove a couple of large trees to allow access from the road.

Would any of the relatives who travelled from far reaches be expecting a room to sleep over in that night? Maybe even on Friday night as well, before the Big Day.

I knew what he was doing, creating 'problems' where there were none just to avoid wallowing in his grief. I tread lightly and just tried to be there for the times he wanted me, and held me tightly and desperately, always out of bed. Often in the kitchen, strangely. He had taken over all the cooking and cleaning and even the laundry, he could not bear to have a single moment of idleness now. He would suddenly turn and clasp me to his chest and murmur into my hair and almost squeeze the life out of me, then just as suddenly let me go. Force a smile, start blathering about silverware or cut glass versus crystal glassware.

But once it was over, what next?

What would he switch his energies to?

Friday after work, he kissed me briefly and promised to be ready and waiting for my walk down the aisle on my father's arm the next day. Emmett had arranged 'a few drinks' with the boys.

Saturday morning I crawled out of my lonely bed at Alice's house, banished from the cottage so as not to invite bad luck, and I sighed and opened the bedroom door to a persistent knocking. No prizes for guessing who was there. Alice and Rose dragged me off to the Cullen's house, but insisted I had to be blindfolded until safely upstairs. I was not to peek and get any idea of the elaborate decorating that had been done.

Luckily I was long practised at closing my eyes and mind to reality, so I sat back and went to my happy place while I was washed and dressed and pampered and tortured into whatever the girls had decided the bride of Edward should be.

Rose growled about Emmett's state last night, after the bachelor party. Apparently he was too drunk to make it to the bed and had slept on the tiled floor of their en suited bathroom. Alice had agreed, saying she had not seen Jazz in such a state since his school days.

We girls had shared a quiet meal out with Esme and Renee and the usual suspects but to my shock, Jessica had not turned up. One of the other girls from work had said Jess had some family emergency but colour us all surprised. I would have expected an earthquake too insignificant to keep her away.

We'd had a quiet night, I was already stretched as taunt as a piano wire, waiting and wondering if Edward would break down before or after the ceremony. It probably had to happen and I hoped for his sake he managed to hold it together and plaster his 'normal' mask on until we left for the honeymoon. I'd managed to get myself through the aftermath of grief with help, and I hoped I would be enough for Edward. If not, I would insist he call his Father and have someone close on the big island prepared to counsel my husband.

Despite all the fears and doubts about whether this was a good idea after all, in the circumstances, there was still the thrill of anticipation that by this afternoon, I would be married. To Edward, no less.

The idea of marrying Jake had always been accompanied by the knowledge it would be a letdown and a mistake, but this marriage felt positive and hopeful. To me, anyway.

I wished to God I could read Edward's mind and know how he really felt now. There was no way I wanted him standing at the aisle solely because he had promised to be there.

If he now felt about this wedding and marriage as I'd felt about Jake's, then I would rather he spoke now and didn't forever hold his peace.

My mood changed from excited, to deflated, to hopeful, to hopeless as the hours passed. My mood swings were driving me crazy and not going unnoticed by my torturers, and I caught Alice giving Rose The Look on several occasions.

The "should we shove a Valium in her mouth and hold it shut until she swallows, or just start pouring shots of SoCo and get her so relaxed we carry her down the aisle?" look.

Rose, to her credit, never said a word about how much easier and calmer my life could have been, had I avoided Edward and settled for Jake. She knew had it been **that** ceremony she was gussying me up for, it would have been so relaxed to border on boredom.

I would have merely been a sacrificial lamb waiting to meet her doom and accept her Fate.

Mr Webber was due to arrive at noon, so when I heard Carlisle loudly welcome the preacher inside, I knew it was time. My belly fluttered with nerves and Alice forced my feet into shoes that would never be worn again, not by me, anyway.

Rose went downstairs and we waited. And waited.

The guests were all accounted for, so there was only one other reason for the delay.

Finally my Mom and Esme appeared and pretended there were a dozen small adjustments to make to my hair and make-up and the way my dress sat.

"What's happened?" I asked quietly. "Has Edward changed his mind?"

"No, of course not, he's just running a little late. Traffic," Renee stated, causing me to almost want to giggle. Traffic, in Forks, in the bare mile between their house and Edward's. Maybe an entire herd of deer had wandered onto the road that stretched and wound around in the forest, so lonely for cars it must be rejoicing at least our friends and relatives had driven on it today.

I felt sick, and sat down suddenly. "This is a bad idea. The whole thing is too new to Edward, he needs time to know what he truly wants. I'm guessing he wants a woman who can give him a better chance of a healthy child. I failed him last time, why bet on a losing horse?"

"Bella, he doesn't blame you. He knows nothing that happened was your fault," Esme consoled me.

"No? I know that the mother's diet is essential for the baby to be normal."

"Yet all those little babies born in countries experiencing extreme famine are mostly normal," Renee replied.

"Actually, he was discussing something with Carlisle," Esme admitted. "They now suspect some conditions actually relate back to whether or not the biological father smokes. Some syndromes are much more prevalent in babies where the father is a smoker and Edward was quite addicted back then, at the relevant time."

"But nobody knew that, then," I protested. "He didn't know. How could he have avoided that time bomb if nobody knew it was even important?"

"Bella, we have all known for years smoking is bad. It causes all kinds of problems, not only in the smoker but in their spouse, and children. Anyone who lives with them. This is just a step further. He's always had his father pointing out the very real hazards of his hobby, and he has always denied it could be a problem. He is always 'about to quit' or in the middle of his 'last week of smoking'.

In reality, he has now gone cold turkey but we are talking days here, not weeks. I'm sure he will never smoke again, but I think suddenly he has had to face up to the fact, he may have damaged your baby. And he isn't certain he can risk making another baby with you, in case his sperm are permanently affected. His father has shown him studies of how soon the human body recovers from some addictions, but he feels terrible. Guilty, remorseful. He should never have risked you conceiving in the first place. He's been exposed to sex talks since he was barely more than a toddler. How he could have been so irresponsible.." she choked.

"I was there, too," I pointed out. "My parents may not have ever explained more than the bare basics, but I knew what we were doing and the chances we were taking. I could have stopped him. I could have stolen condoms from Emmett's stash. I had no problem stealing his hair gel."

"Well, it's all water under the bridge now," Renee muttered.

"Does anyone know where he is?" I asked.

"Emmett and Jasper are missing as well. Nothing's happened, no accident or emergency. Carlisle got a text from Emmett. They are just needing a little more time. I assume Edward needs to talk a little before ..."

"Leaving me standing alone at the aisle," I replied.

"It won't come to that," someone assured me. I sat down again and waved them all away.

"Please just ask him to come up and talk to me before he makes any announcements," I requested as they trooped out reluctantly.

"That's unlucky. For the groom to see the bride before the wedding," Renee protested.

"Huh, Mother, do you truly think a little bad luck worries me?" I scoffed, devastated, needing them gone.

I sat alone in the room and waited, wandering to the window to peer outside at the restless crowd now and then. So, this was what it was like to almost get your dearest wish. I had not even been aware before of how much I truly wanted this wedding. How much it meant to me, not in the terms of pleasing everyone else and society as a whole, but just knowing Edward Anthony Masen Cullen loved me this much. So much he was willing to promise me forever.

X~x~X

The soft tapping at the door made me pull myself together. Whatever Edward had to say, whatever he had decided, I would cope. I arranged my face into a welcoming but prepared-for-disaster grimace and walked slowly towards the door.

"Jacob!" I said in surprise, as my previous lover stood before me.

"Bells," he replied, scrutinizing my face and shaking his head sadly. He opened his arms and I fell into them and the tears I had been so determined to not shed, cascaded down my face and onto his snowy white shirt. We had invited him, but strictly out of politeness and he had not RSVP'd, so we'd given it no further thought and assumed he would not come.

Years of friendship overtook our doomed partnership in that moment and I just needed someone who knew me, truly knew me properly, to be at my side. Jacob had always been my best friend, my rock. We had been insane to attempt to make it into more.

He had always had feelings of more than friendship for me, but I had never really returned them, and it had been criminal of me to ever have faked it with him. I should have stood up from Day One, and drawn a very clear line in the sand.

I had come home from college needing to see Edward and try to explain everything, while I still had the courage but hearing he was in New York and would be for four more years had immediately killed that resolution.

Then a woman I sort of recognised as a local spoke to Carlisle and I froze.

"Are we expecting wedding bells? That girl of Edward's is quite a catch, my son tells me. He never shuts up about what a striking couple they make. I saw them together myself when I went to NYU to sort out Steven's little problem with the 'unfortunate incident', and all I could think was, lucky Esme. Her grandchildren will be stunning."

Carlisle had laughed and just then Emmett and Rose had appeared and also this woman's daughter as well. I'd seen her at SeattleU. Obviously another daughter who had not shown the same promise as her brother and been shipped off to a cheaper alternative than the college he had been allowed to attend.

I still don't know which of Edward's girlfriends they would have been talking about, I never worked out the timeline, but she and Carlisle chatted quite jovially about 'the perfect pair' and I scuttled away, put firmly back in my place. I was nothing to Edward. Maybe I had been for that one single night, but nobody can build a life from a single night of passion four years earlier. I'd tried so hard to move on, and I'd even spent another single night with another man. I had to wake up and smell the coffee, no matter how bitter it's aroma was.

Edward had moved on, quite rightly so. To him, all we shared was a single night, with no consequences. He was living his life as if that night had never existed.

To me, that night had led to life-changing events that had shaped me and scarred me and would never be forgotten. I had denied them, suppressed them when they got too real, buried them deep and even given them to a friend, Angela, and pretended they were her wounds.

Rose had noticed my face and stepped forward, taking my hand as Emmett joked about "Edward's bird" and he even said had he met her first, before he met Rosalie, he would have challenged his brother to arm wrestling over who got to date this unknown, unnamed beauty.

"What's wrong? Bella? What's made you look like someone ran over your puppy? You aren't concerned about what Emmett's saying? He loves me, he just likes being a big man and pretending he isn't completely under my spell and that he could walk away and find someone else. Don't even think about it. He's just being Emmett. Edward's girl didn't even notice Emmett existed when we went to dinner with them in New York. Her whole attention was on Edward, not his brother. They are solid, like Em and I are. Girlfriend, I love you but don't worry about me. Never doubt that Emmett and I are in this for the long haul."

Her misinterpretation of my reaction gave me an out and I smiled a shaky smile and nodded.

"So, how was Seattle?" my Father asked.

"Great," I replied, waving to Rose, walking towards the inevitable cruiser. "Though Angela had the most devastating thing happen to her. Did I tell you about it?"

Dad had sighed and shaken his head and uncharacteristically, kissed me on the cheek.

"Welcome home, Bells. A new start, a new life. Just let the past go and be happy."

He driven me home in silence as my brain frantically hid the truth again and created the agreed fairy story and my heart throbbed and cried for Angie's lost baby.

Such a tragedy, but she had handled it, and moved on.

I would always remember her little Benjamin, but Thank God it had been her and not me.

She was made of sterner stuff, I would never have coped. I would have been off the nearest cliff.

There was an envelope somewhere...oh, in my purse. I have to get it to her, wherever she is.

And there had been Jake, flowers in hand, offering me an easy path. No effort from me, just sit back and live in denial, keep up the pretence that nothing had ever happened.

Just my absence of four years studying, and now I was done and home and life could be normal.

"Hey Jake," I'd said, seeing not the real man before me but my saviour. Someone who would allow me the lie and never make me admit the truth. What truth? It was already lost and if I never looked in that dark recess of my mind, it would stay buried, and maybe one day, even forgotten.

"Dinner tonight? That sounds perfect."

The fractured, mythical, fairy tale had begun and for a time, it had been enough.

"You look like a girl that needs a hug and a friend," Jake murmured as I clung to him again now, just as I had back then. "Things not going to plan?"

How could he say those words? The same words Edward had spoken that night, so long ago? I knew he didn't know he was echoing the words that started everything, but I let the wrong arms hold me and offer me a little comfort at a time so bleak and uncertain, I had no idea how this day would end.

Maybe with gold rings and promises, but just as likely, with pain and tears and no future at all.


	14. Chapter 14

The Copycat

Chapter 14

(Contains violence)

EPOV

"Look, the fact is, you stopped the very second you realised it was Jessica. After whatever she slipped you, it's surprising you even had the ability to do that," my brother stated. "Edward, come on, forget this. Bella never has to know."

Maybe not, but I knew. Wasn't that bad enough?

"I should never have nagged you into a Bachelor party in the first place," Emmett moaned regretfully. "I should have at least..."

"At least, what? Come inside with me and checked there were no exact replica's of my wife-to-be waiting in my bed?" I growled. "I was the one being responsible. I had two lite beers so I could drive us all home. I should have been the one looking out for me, you and Jazz were plastered."

The whole situation was a complete fuck up. I had been in such emotional turmoil, my brain had switched to auto pilot and I'd been going through each day like a robot. Never really keeping my wits about me. The small amount of alcohol hadn't hurt but whatever was in that shot glass had obviously affected me seriously.

I was completely exhausted by the time I took the boys home first. I'd barely slept a wink for the previous five nights. Whenever I shut my eyes, all I could see was Benjamin, alone, with no Father to hold and comfort him and tell him it was okay to go.

Bella admitted she had begged him to stay, he may have needed to hear the opposite was okay as well.

I had fought with the light switch in our bedroom, puzzled as to why I was flicking it up and down, yet no light came on.

I blinked in surprise but was so glad to find Bella there waiting, in our bed, her perfume wafting to my nose.

Strong.

Much more than she usually used. I liked her natural smell, not so much this aroma. But it was her favourite and maybe my sense of smell was heightened. I had not hesitated to strip off and join her. She hadn't spoken a single word out loud. I was expecting some anger at the lateness of my arrival home the night before the biggest day of our lives. She simply held her hand out, offering me a shot glass and raised another in her other hand, draining it down.

I didn't feel like drinking, but Hell, she wanted to drink with me, not kill me.

"Cheers. Here's to us and the best wedding anyone ever had," I toasted.

I swallowed and jerked my head back at the bitterness. I didn't recognise that flavour at all. Almost medicinal.

My head started swimming immediately.

"Bella," I choked. I felt so weird.

She reached her arms out and welcomed me in, smiling broadly

"What was that?" I asked.

"Something to help you relax," she whispered.

"I'm pretty we...le.. re-lax-ed alweady," I informed her, confused. It felt like I'd drunk half a bottle of Jack. I have done that in the past so I know what that feels like. Like this.

Wait. Why was she here?

"You're...you're s'posed to be at Alsis," I'd mumbled, unable to even articulate the words. God, Emmett was so right. I was a lightweight. One shot and I was trashed.

"I'm glad you came back home. I'm a little drunk," I'd informed her. "Bella, sorry. Bout the whole avoiding you this week. So sorry. Me bad." I laughed, somehow it seemed funny. Like I hadn't spent my whole life wanting her and pursuing her and damning everyone else's feelings along the way. How had I ever ended up trying to avoid her? Oh fuck, of course, the baby. The poor dead baby.

I burst into loud angry sobs.

"Not fair. Our poor liddle Ben-ja-min. Not fair, Bella. Do you think he might come back, try again? Give us a chance to be proller...propler...properlee parents?"

I cradled the back of her head and I screamed as her hair came away in my hand.

Fuck, a hair piece. Must be for the wedding. I dropped it to the floor, where it sat like a big dead spider against the pale floorboards.

I started grabbing at her body, and she flinched as I caressed her breasts. I didn't think I was handling her roughly but then, I could hardly judge, not like this. I was kissing her face gracelessly, but she responded and her hand was suddenly on my penis, rubbing me, trying to get him to stand to attention.

"Solly. So-ree. I don't think I'm in a state...no, I am in a state...I don't think I can..."

She disappeared and her warm mouth surrounded me and I lay back and breathed in as her tongue roughly slid and sucked and teased some life into me. It was different to how she usually worked me. Usually she started out far more gently, just stroking her tongue across the tip, as her hand worked my shaft and her other hand cradled my sac. She was practically swallowing me inside her throat. Her gag reflex was clearly absent tonight.

It felt good, so good. I couldn't help rocking and thrusting in even deeper and to my surprise, she took it all and finally touched me with her hand, stroking where my penis joined my body, circling her fingers, squeezing tightly and jerking hard. I frowned, I didn't like it so rough. She knew that. She always did it exactly as she knew I liked it. Maybe this was my punishment for being so unable to handle the drink.

I hit the back of her throat and moaned. I was close, so close.

"Do you want to come in my pussy or my ass?" she whispered as she released me from her mouth and rolled onto all fours.

Despite the haze surrounding my eyes, I knew something was wrong here. To start with, Bella and I did not do backdoor sex. I thought it was too close to gay sex and my own inhibitions prevented me ever wanting to try it. As a doctor, I knew most women hated it, even if they pretended to like it for their partner's sake. There was nothing in it for them, just pain and discomfort, and sometimes injury, if their man got carried away in his 'moment'.

We'd talked about it and she was no keener than I, and anyway, while Bella possessed that other wondrous orifice, why would I want to stick my dick in her ass? I couldn't make sense of her offer. Maybe she really did like backdoor sex and she was only now speaking the honest truth, because she knew I would not remember in the morning.

Kneeling up behind her, I placed my hand on her ass cheeks and steadied myself, as I situated myself, my dick keen to plunge inside her. I could smell her arousal and I paused. Wrong. Something was wrong.

My hand crept under her body and stroked her mound and I pulled back.

Fuck.

I'd shaved her myself, just a week ago. Bella hated waxing, so I kept her womanscaped myself. She should be bare, just with a week's regrowth. Not sprouting a jungle of damp curls.

"Fuck," I screamed, suddenly, overcoming the effect of the drug briefly. I pushed her away and fell from the bed, her red lipstick staining around my now once again flaccid dick.

"Who are you? You aren't my Bella. You smell wrong."

I reached for the power point beside the bed and switched the bedside light on. I couldn't stand up, my muscles had collapsed. I was as helpless as a newborn.

She sat up, this weird parody who looked just like Bella, but somehow not, and I realised it was many things.

Her eyes were brown, but flat and shallow.

Her lips were full, yet not naturally so. They appeared to have been stung by bees.

Her hair was tangled and held a curl across the back, where she had been laying on it. Bella's hair had no curls.

Her ears were larger and unnaturally flat against her head, as if stitched there.

She started laughing, and I went cold inside.

"That counts as sex. No matter what ex-President Clinton says, that was sex. Anything involving a man's genitals and a woman's mouth is sex. I just had sex with Edward Cullen. Now, there's just that prick in Seattle. She never even asked his name, can you believe it? And she calls me the slut. At least I always know what name to scream." She stood up, on the floor on the other side of the bed, calmly redressing as if we had hooked up and the date was now over.

"Thank you Edward. Sorry you didn't get to finish but whatever. Can't say I didn't offer you a variety of ways to come inside me. I'm counting this as a done deed. Can you offer me any pointers on getting that fucking Quileute to date me? He threw me out of our house the one time I managed to find the front door unlocked. After we'd made love, of course. It worked a lot better at his house, I guess it's darker inside there. All those trees growing so close around it. He has my photos everywhere, you know. I walked all through our little love shack and looked in all the frames and he has photos of us since we were kids, playing on the beach, making mud pies together."

"You didn't live in Forks as a child," I yelled. "Jessica, you are fucking insane and you just completely ruined my life, you bitch." My hands tried to reach up and tear at my hair, I wanted to pull hers out, one hair at a time, by the roots. Instead they lay there, twitching uselessly.

"Oh excuse me, was that me thrusting his dick down my throat? I thought it was you. You didn't seem to care which Bella Swan was sucking you off then, you douchebag."

"There is only one Bella Swan," I replied , my voice rasping with effort.

"I don't have to say anything. You know. No matter what happens today, you know you welcomed in the beginning of your wedding day balls deep in my throat. Nothing can change that. Every time you look at your wedding photos, look at your mouth and remember what made you smile today. Not her. Not the so-called real Bella Swan. Me, the new and improved version. I guess this means she waxes. Damn, if only I'd known that. Bitch left herself all natural for Jacob. He didn't react the least bit surprised when he fucked me. He didn't find my jungle surprising or distasteful. And could I point out, he was a damn sight more romantic than you," she sighed, brushing her hair with a hairbrush from her purse.

"He was all 'Bells, I can't believe you came back to me, I love you so much. I missed you, baby girl.' And that weird word...loco? Loca? Whatever. Did you know he chants it over and over as he fucks? Lo-ca, lo-ca. In, out, in, out. I just don't get why he won't date me. I'm an excellent fuck. He knows that."

"I think he prefers Quileute girls," I whispered, my voice almost gone. I don't know why I said that; for no known reason, really. I knew nothing much at all about Jake. I think I just wanted to hurt her. "Bella was his only exception. He doesn't go for palefaces."

"Really? That's interesting. I could look Quileute. Fake tan, dye my hair darker, have it straightened. Chemically, not this shit that wears off an hour later. Thanks for the tip.

I was hoping to compare the way you fuck to the way he did, but maybe next time? Don't look like that. You should ask for ID before sticking your dick inside any part of a woman if you are so determined to only fuck _her._ Have a nice wedding and when she starts walking towards you, down the aisle, think about that nice big cock of yours fucking my mouth."

She slid into her shoes and walked to the window, putting something in her purse.

I watched her, my eyes the only thing I could even move now.

"I'm not robbing you. Relax," she laughed. "It's my video camera, it has a night vision filter. Needs no light to film every move. I just filmed our time together. Maybe I could ask your photographer to copy it onto your wedding video? Like a Prologue. Then you could film the honeymoon and add it onto the end. Stories with a start, a middle and an ending are always best. Bye for now. See you at the wedding, and maybe on the honeymoon and I will be all waxed so you can't tell us apart. Don't become all afraid of the dark now, over this. Kisses."

I wished I could follow her and kill her. I had never wanted anyone's blood on my hands so much. I could snap her neck and feel nothing. No guilt, no remorse. I stared at her and cursed her duplicity and the darkness of the bedroom. If there had been the slightest glimmer of light, I would have instantly known there was no way that was my Bella. My inebriation from whatever she gave me, plus my emotional state and my desperate need to fix things between Bella and I had all hidden the truth from me.

No buzz.

There had been no buzz. Why the fuck hadn't I realised?

I had just been fucked, in all ways that counted.

Emmett arrived at eleven in the morning and he blinked in surprise at the sight that met him. I still could not feel my limbs properly although I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and hear every breath I took. My torso seemed to have feelings again and my limbs were cramping and stinging with pins and needles.

"Don't tell me you tied one on after you got home last night. What's going on? Tell me you don't have cold feet."

"Sit here beside me and rub my limbs, please. Start with my right hand."

"Kinky, but you aren't my type," he laughed.

"Emmett, I've been drugged. I need water and lots of it and I need you to take a sample of my blood and have it analyzed at the hospital. But don't let them tell Dad."

"What the fuck. Tell me everything first or no deal."

I related the events of what had happened after he left me last night.

Jasper arrived soon after with my tux.

"Hang it in the closet. There's no way I'm wearing that today," I stated.

Emmett explained in painful detail and Jazz cursed as he took the blood sample himself.

"Fucking bitch. It wasn't real, actual sex. You never put your dick inside her pussy."

"I put it in her mouth," I growled.

"No, she put it in her mouth," Emmett replied. "That's entirely different."

"Hey Bella, I just had oral with Jessica, and you look great in that dress by the way. Not real sex and she started it, so come on, say 'I do'. What, you think I'm a cheater? But I only fucked her mouth. You women are so harsh and judgemental. I'd be completely understanding if you told me Rose ordered you a stripper and you sucked him off. I'd laugh about it, in fact and ask if he taped it so we could compare videos. Someone get the lights, we have entertainment as well as a buffet. Lights, camera, action."

"Stop that, now," Jasper growled. "Don't underestimate Bella."

He took the sample with him and headed off and Emmett lifted me onto the bed.

"What do you think she gave you?"

"I have no idea. I was never into drugs; that was you."

"Describe how you feel."

I told him and he suggested several possibilities. Nothing fit exactly, unless she had given me more than a single type of drug.

"Now, as we are stuck here anyway, and as I am your older brother and Best Man, you and I have to talk about this situation and see if we can't come up with a solution. I'll back up whatever you say, Edward. You are my brother and I will always have your back and your best interests at heart. You need a witness to state you never came home at all, you slept on my couch, just say so."

I shook my head. "No lies. I can't start a marriage with lies. And Jessica has a film."

"Well, that's my next mission for Jasper. Go find the bitch and destroy that video, before she puts it on the internet."

Emmett and I dissected the situation a million ways and my brother tried desperately to phrase what happened in such a way that Bella would not hate me forever. As much as I loved Emmett, he had no idea what a woman would buy as the truth. Maybe the pure and simple truth was the only way to go.

"You didn't actually do anything to let Bella down, not intentionally, but you promised to be waiting when she walks down that aisle today. I don't know how you truly feel about her. You say you love her, you act like you always did, but you are willing to let her down today, of all days. I think a girl like Bella could forgive just about anything, even the fuck-up last night, but not you leaving her standing at the aisle. You are giving that bitch Jessica all the power here. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not."

Jazz walked inside and swabbed my arm.

"Ralph said it was a cocktail of drugs and this should reverse the effects. I have to set up a drip. This will take a while. Text your father, Emm, and say we will be late."

X~x~X

I was almost fully recovered by the time we arrived at the house and I ran upstairs, almost stumbling, in my haste to get to my fiancee. Jacob sat beside her on the bed, his arm around her, his face full of concern.

Bella looked scared and anxious but that was nothing to how she would look once I told her.

"What happened? Where have you been?" she asked, shifting from her spot beside Jake and running to me. I embraced her and breathed her in. It may be the last time.

"Bella, you can't marry me without knowing everything about me. Even the worst part. As you know, Emm and Jazz took me out last night but I only had two drinks, I swear. Not that it matters. When I got home our bedroom light wasn't working and to my joy, you were waiting in my bed. I couldn't see you exactly but I could see your silhouette against the blinds on the window, and smell your perfume."

She bit her lip and frowned. Of course she was a mile ahead of me already."Fucking Jessica! I knew there had to be a reason she didn't turn up last night at our dinner. Let me guess. Oh God, tell me you didn't..."

"I accepted a shot glass full of drugged alcohol from her, thinking it was you. That's why we are late. Jazz had to take blood and have it analysed and get the antidote from the hospital. I couldn't move or speak."

"Edward, are you okay? Tell me she didn't rape you. Please."

"She put her mouth on me," I all but wailed, like a child.

"Is that all? Tell me the truth. She didn't rape you, did she?"

"Bella, she ..did..oral sex on me. I swear I thought it was you. I got into it and then she wanted me to fuck her but I touched her and she was hairy."

Bella bit her lip, and I swear she was stopping herself laughing.

"God, she didn't know that? I kept one secret from Jessica. Go me. Edward, I'm not going to blame you for any of this. I'm just glad you stopped in time. You did stop?"

"I did stop. The drugs kicked in properly and I fell off the bed. I swear I did not penetrate her."

"Good. She probably has diseases. There goes our wedding night. You will have to be tested."

"She's clean," Jake said suddenly joining in. "I mean, she was clean when I got tested last week after she lay in wait in my bed and pretended to be you. I didn't stop. I fucked her before I realised it was her. I didn't stop," he repeated, in a anguished moan.

"Jake, how could you have known? God, some days **I** almost mistake her for me. Edward, is that the only reason you are late? Are you having second thoughts?"

"Never. I've always loved you, you know that. This was going to be the ultimate thrill of my entire life. She's ruined it. She said now I will always look at our wedding photos and remember what she did to me."

"Fuck that. Jake, Edward and I need some alone time. Three minutes?" she questioned. I wasn't sure what she meant.

"Edward, can you manage to hasten everything up to super fast and fuck me in three minutes? Jake can go tell everyone we will be right down. I think when you look at our wedding photos, you will remember fucking me in my bridalgown, don't you? Isn't that a better memory?"

"Yyyes," I stuttered. "A much better memory. Go, Jake." He shut the door behind him, just in time.

I slid my hands up to her thighs and snickered.

"Bella, I know Alice bought you nice little white virginal panties, where have they gone?" I asked.

"Ooops, I think they fell off," she sighed, pulling the skirt of her dress up around her waist. "I just hope silk doesn't crease or you **will **be in trouble."

X~x~X

Cameras flashed and yes, there was a smile on my face as we walked down the aisle together, but it sure wasn't put there by Jessica. I did almost laugh though, later.

She arrived in Native American dress, or her version of it anyway, with an almost orange fake tan and jet black hair, cut short almost like a man's.

"Fucking hairdresser, she said doing a straightening plus a dye job was too much, but I made her do them and it all broke off," she moaned at Rose. "And I don't think my nose is quite right for a Quileute. I need to get some photos of one of them. Did Jake bring a date? I have to have the right angle. Damn, another nose job already. I hate surgery," she moaned. "Especially for cosmetic reasons. It's not like my nose is broken or anything."

"Let me fix that for you," Rose offered and pulled her arm back, punching Jessica full in the face.

"Sorry, I thought you had an African honeybee on your nose, their sting can be fatal. Stay away from Edward. He's taken, understand? And before you consider reporting me to the cops, consider this. He could have you charged and labelled a sex offender. And you would have to explain all that to Charlie Swan. Bella's father? He has a gun."

"Thang gu for saving me from the bee" Jessica sobbed, holding her bloody face as I turned Bella away to greet another guest and spare her the sight of Rose calmly wiping Jessica's blood from her fist.

"Just as well my bridesmaid's dress is red, or you would be up for buying me a new dress as well," Rose replied, checking her skirt for splatter, and finding none. She patted Jess on the back. "Off you go, the adults are looking forward to a party. Time for those at the kiddies table to go home. See you at work Monday. We don't allow time off for bee stings. Oh, guess what? Emmett is going to be running the company from now on. I think he's found you a new position, down in the records department. In the basement. Wear something warm, it's not heated down there. Bring a flask of coffee."

Rose saw Jessica safely to her car and waved her off.

"Lovely girl, just very accident prone. She had bruises on her face last week and now a broken nose. Poor thing," she sighed. "And now the company gets Brownie points for hiring a minority. Our first Quileute."


	15. Chapter 15

The Copycat

Chapter 15

BPOV

I guess my question was answered the next morning. Rose and Emmett were getting married three weeks after our wedding so leaving on a honeymoon was pointless, considering we would want to come back and attend. The island was to far away to go to now, and return that soon, then go back to finish the honeymoon. Rose required the presence of her bridesmaids, anyway. So, it would be just a resumption of our usual life until after the next Cullen wedding.

However, on waking , I realised where Edward was about to redirect his energy.

"Charlie's coming for breakfast so you might want to shower and dress, I doubt you want your father to see you wearing anything that provocative," he suggested brightly.

"Or as shredded," I replied, removing what was left of Alice's wedding gift. I would replace it, she would never know. It certainly had produced the desired effect. Edward had lost his mind at the sight of me in very little strategically placed black lace lingerie.

Or maybe it was the missing bits that had turned him back into the passionate lover I had missed.

"Why is Dad coming to breakfast?" I asked as Edward washed my back for me. Normally I would have turned this shower into something more but he was clearly distracted.

"Jasper gave me Jessica's video camera."

"Did you erase it?" I asked worriedly. I didn't like the idea that a sex offender, and she was that, considering what she had done to both Edward and Jake, got to walk away with merely a broken nose. Although she had readily responded to Rose's "preventing the deadly bee sting" line as an acceptable cover for the real reason Rose had punched her, she knew the real cause behind the blow. Her eyes had expressed her comprehension. I didn't believe in violence myself but I accepted that Rose was just watching our backs, and Emmett had no idea what punishment was suitable.

Banishing a sex offender to the basement wouldn't solve anything.

"No, it's evidence. I'm sorry, but your father has to watch both assaults. He is going to see both Jake and I involved in sexual activity with Jessica. There is no way around it. I've barely spoken to Jacob about it but he has agreed to come today as well. I want her put away. I want her locked up and the key thrown away and I need Jake to agree to lay charges as well. I can well imagine you won't be happy knowing possibly quite a lot of people will have to view the tape of her and I, but Bella, at least she filmed the whole thing. Including my reaction when I realised it was not you. Charlie will know I didn't intend cheating on you, I promise."

"It's okay, Edward. Do what you have to do," I replied. I never wanted to see the tape myself. Images like that are better imagined than watched.

Jessica's behaviour alarmed me greatly. Turning herself into some bizarre copy of me was bad enough but using plastic surgery to achieve a short term goal was ludicrous. She needed to change her features to resemble a Quileute, sure, I could see that, as bizarre as it was; but her goal was merely to date Jake, what was next?

Once she dated him, something that I was sure would never happen, what new face would she buy ? Would she go back and become Bella Swan the second again? The girl was using masks but of a much more permanent type. I decided while Edward held his council of war with my Dad, I would go talk to Carlisle. There had to be an explanation.

As it turned out, I was right. The hub of activity in the ER alerted me immediately that something serious was happening. Jessica's Mom was sitting on the very edge of her chair, wringing her hands, crying. She looked up and gave me a bewildered grimace.

"Is there anything I can do? Is there a problem with Jessica's broken nose?" I asked her, fearful the damage may have left her unable to get her new nose as soon as she wanted to.

"Dr Cullen just told me Jess has a brain tumour. They never would have found it without Rosalie's Hale assault on her. Even so, Dr Cullen doesn't think it's operable."

"How long has she had it?" I asked.

"It's a slow growing type. Years, apparently. Do you recall when her behaviour changed, Bella? I know she's caused you a lot of bother and I will understand if you don't want to help her now."

I sat down beside her. Since her husband's desertion, Jess had been the only family she had. That meant she now had nobody in her corner, supporting her through this medical crisis. Jess and I had been friends, once.

I took her hand.

"I guess she started having the whole girl crush in High School but it was just copying my clothes and make up. At college, she just dated thesame boys I had," I edited." It's really accelerated over the last twelve months, wouldn't you agree?"

She nodded as she dabbed at her eyes. "Yes, the nose job was the beginning of the worst of it. Then the face, and the bust reduction. I knew that wasn't normal. Nobody would listen. They insisted Jess was just crazy. Addicted to surgery. I knew something was wrong with her."

"She admitted at the wedding she didn't like having cosmetic work done," I confirmed. "That's clearly not the real issue. Is the tumour what made her act this way?"

"Dr Cullen thinks so. He's doing more tests, and he's called in a specialist."

"Then she is in the best hands, " I assured her. "Could you excuse me for a moment?"

I stepped outside into the carpark and called Edward's cellphone.

"Don't do anything official yet. Please. I know you want her tarred and feathered and I completely understand but here's something seriously wrong here. Jessica has a brain tumour. It must explain a lot of what's happened, Edward. I don't think laying charges is appropriate until we learn the whole truth about the situation."

I could hear the conflict in his voice, and knew it was more about not knowing where to concentrate his energy if not down this path. He'd seen the pursuit of justice as another delaying tactic. One day soon Edward was going to crash and maybe burn.

My place was at his side, so I called Renee. She loved her 'projects', Judith Stanley could be her new interest. My Mom was capable of compassion and God knew she had time on her hands. I waited until she arrived, before going home to find Edward beside the pond.

Not smoking.

He had a fake plastic cigarette in his hand and was running his hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry the wedding was spoiled," he said as I kicked off my shoes and sat beside him. "I know it can't have been anywhere near what you hoped for."

"Edward, I'm not disappointed. Mark my words, one day Alice will crack and need to hold a big flashy party to celebrate her own secret wedding and we can be part of that celebration. There are so many bigger issues at stake now. Jess probably had no control over her actions, you know. Judith Stanley gave Carlisle permission to talk to us about it."

"But she spoiled everything. She has to pay," he replied. I shuffled to sit in front of him and cradled his face with my hands.

"I could have postponed everything but I couldn't wait another moment to become your wife. It's been a long time coming and we achieved that. I'm Mrs Edward Cullen. Isn't that the main thing?"

"It is," he answered, relaxing visibly. "I'm sorry that I'm so angry and distracted. This should be our time."

"You are allowed to be angry. You were the one hurt the most, both by Jessica and by my own actions. I think it might be a good idea for you to find someone you can talk to. About everything. Benjamin, Jessica, me. It's too much to process alone. I know. I've had years to come to terms with losing our son, you didn't know he existed. I can't change that, and that's my biggest regret. I should have let you be there. I can't make that up to you. We can redo the wedding, I know you'd agree to staging another ceremony if I asked, but I am so sorry I can't give you that few minutes with our firstborn. I can only say, I really did think I was doing you a favour, leaving you out of it. I would have liked to have been absent if I could have been. It wasn't until I was offered an elective Cesarean when I got to the hospital with Angela that I even realised I did have choices to make. I finally saw that I could have been asleep and never had to see him. That made me realise whatever time I got would be so precious. I had no right to decide for you not to have that same privilege. It was too late to call you, by then. I can never make up for that, for you not getting to meet him."

"Bella, I can't lie, I wish I had met him, no matter how briefly."

"You would have come, wouldn't you? I figured you would have been immersed in your own new life by then. I'm so sorry. I'll never take away your choices again."

He smiled at me sadly and kissed the top of my head. "I know you would change things if you could. Are you still willing to have another baby?"

"If you still want to. Of course, it could be too late by now. It only took one night to begin Benjamin and we have had some unprotected sex between dramas."

Edward turned me so he could rest my back against his chest and he placed his hands on my abdomen. I leaned my head back against him.

"Okay. I need to get this sorted before we become parents again. I'll ask Carlisle to recommend someone to talk to."

"Thank you. I don't deserve you but I am glad I have you."

"You deserve me, Bella. You faced all that alone rather than make me ache. I know you had the best of intentions. I wish I'd been there for you."

"I wish I'd been able to catch that plane and come show you photos of our soon-to-be-born son, and that he'd been healthy and perfect. Tell me honestly, how would you have reacted?"

"I would have married you in a flash. I was still completely immersed in you at that point. I wanted to come and kill Mike for the way he treated you."

"He was just someone to use to try and start my life again. Anyone would have done. I was pretty close to the edge. His cheating helped actually. It made me see firstly, I didn't even like him anyway, and secondly, rushing into another relationship and trying to replace what I'd lost was not going to be an answer. Jessica actually helped me. Gave me a new distraction. While I was angry at her, I didn't have to deal with the sadness. Jake arrived soon after that. Dammit, I knew then I had no feelings for him. I can't believe I ever let things get so far after I got home again. I was clearly not of sound mind."

"We both made mistakes. While we are confessing our sins, how would you have reacted if I'd changed colleges and followed you to SeattleU instead of heading to NYU?" he asked me.

"I think I would have loved that but I don't think we would have got a lot of studying done."

"It could have been so different," he sighed. "So much better."

"We still would have lost him, Edward."

"Yes, but we would have had one another and gotten through it together."

"It could have torn us apart," I suggested.

"Nothing will ever have the power to do that," he sighed happily. "It's forever now, Mrs Cullen. You promised." He raised my left hand and kissed the shiny gold band on my finger.

"I did," I agreed. "It was still a pretty special wedding, in my mind."

"A once only occasion. Unless you want to go put that dress back on? I liked making love to you in your wedding dress."

"I think what we did was termed fucking," I pointed out.

"Then go put it on and this time we will make love. Unless you want to put it away and keep it for our daughter to wear one day?"

I hadn't considered that. "In that case, better we don't defile it further. We could always just be naked, out here on the sand?"

"Or we could go to the island anyway, even if we have to come back again. I think it would be worth it. Even if it's only for two weeks, I'd love to get away right now."

"Okay, but you have to pack, for both of us. One suitcase between us."

"Or even less," he snickered and kissed my neck.

"We will be okay, Edward. It will all work out for the best, no matter what."

"I believe that, Love. I truly do."

X~X~X~X

**End of story? End of Part One?Just needs an epilogue? Review with preference. I have to go finish Sweet Child Of Mine next, but I might come back to this if you aren't all bored and sick of it by now. Cheers for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

The Copycat

Chapter 16/Epilogue

BPOV

"Happy anniversary, Love," Edward whispered in my ear. I opened one eye and looked at the clock. Four am. It was hard to believe another entire year had passed already. Edward now had his own private practice, but he still worked at the hospital and had created a free clinic that took up his quieter days. He loved medicine, and was forever telling me about various cases, without the identifying details of course.

"It's four o'clock in the morning," I pointed out.

"I had to wake you early. Before His Nibs got in on the act. He usually wakes at six so I thought, we could find a way to celebrate in the next two hours."

"Actually he woke and demanded a three o'clock feed," I replied. "I did notice you sleep through it, despite your promise to always be here and get up and change his diaper before every night feed."

"Sorry, I really didn't hear a thing. So, he was fed at three. Interesting. His next meal call should be at seven, then. That's three hours away."

"I guess what happens depends on how much you enjoy having prolonged sex with a wife who will probably fall asleep after the first orgasm," I replied sleepily.

"I can work with that. That way I get to choose whatever I want to do, in whatever position," he smirked.

"I can't believe the six weeks post natal abstinence ends exactly on our anniversary," I murmured.

"I timed it well, didn't I?" Edward replied, sucking and kissing my throat. I slipped out of his clutches and stood up beside the bed. "Honestly, I have to have a shower just to wake up. Wait for me. I'll be quick."

"Possibly not as quick as I'll be after this drought," Edward snickered. "How about you let me make you dirty before the shower, then I come in with you and clean you up again, and then we start the real celebration? I'm really not going to last long the first time. It will be embarrassingly fast. Over before you even join in."

I laughed and flopped back onto the bed. Edward moved above me in a flash and ripped my underwear away. I had not even managed to completely undress and find my nightwear last night. Covering my breasts was pointless, there seemed to always be one Cullen or another wanting access to them. If it wasn't Edward, it was Corben Edward Cullen. He was even more demanding than his father, if possible.

"Whoa," Edward said in surprise as his finger invaded my inner sanctum. "You are so wet for me. I think I'm not the only one who misses our sexy times together."

"Of course you aren't. It doesn't help that I dream about us, every damned night and wake up to find **that **always there, ready and willing, right beside me. Or rubbing against my ass if I dare turn away."

"Do you want me to apologise for finding you the sexiest woman on the planet?" he asked, biting my earlobe as he took advantage and pushed inside with no warming up necessary.

"God that feels good," I stated, suddenly completely awake as he started thrusting quickly, gripping my hands in his. "Edward, go slower."

"Believe me, Love, I would if I could but that is not going to happen. Augh..."

I felt him fill me and he dropped onto my chest, laughing. "I did warn you. What's that movie? Gone in 60 seconds? I just acted it out for you. Come have a shower and I promise I'll do a lot better next time, and the time after, and even the time after that."

He washed me slowly, his hands checking every inch and making doubly sure certain parts of me were very clean. I was growing impatient. It was alright for him, he'd had his first fix, but I was still waiting for mine. He turned to adjust the water temperature and I dropped the soap and bent over, searching for it with one lazy hand. I didn't find it but a part of him suddenly invaded an part of me and I gripped my shins and moaned at the feeling.

Edward slapped his hands against the glass cubicle surround and started trusting, slowly, pulling out in between.

"No, I want it hard and fast. Like you had it already," I growled. The long slow session could be next but I needed him to take me over the edge NOW.

Edward braced himself with one hand and grabbed my hip with the other. "Fine, what the lady wants, the lady gets. Tell me if this hurts, Bella. You did just give birth."

"That was six weeks ago, now get to work," I moaned, gasping as he took me at my word. Fuck, I had missed this. He'd been paranoid during the pregnancy, obsessed with not hurting the baby so most of my releases had come from outercourse and I was pretty sick of that game by now. He was scared his penis would hurt the baby, even though, as a doctor he must have known better. I guess a man is just a man, when it comes down to it. All the facts and knowledge in the world would not allow him to get crazy inside me for the entire eight months following the positive test result.

"Fuck," I gasped, dropping to all fours. He was getting carried away, finally. "Bella, God, my Bella," he moaned as he pounded inside me, both hands gripping my hips and forcing me back against his pelvis. I don't usually find enough stimulation this way without the help of his finger or thumb but I guess abstinence makes the whole body more sensitive and I was screaming his name as he pulled me back and sat down, impaling me on his lap as my walls shook and pulsed and he wrapped his arms around me and released again inside me. His teeth bit into my neck and the pain made the pleasure burn even brighter.

"No," I scolded. "Nobody likes a Godmother turning up at the church with a hickey on her neck."

"The twins won't even notice," Edward promised. Rose and Emmett's girls were being baptised today and Alice had decided to have their daughter added to the mix so the church had been decorated with a million pink flowers last night. Edward refused to let Corben be baptised in the same ceremony, he wanted a more masculine setting for his son.

We'd struck it lucky. Not only had we all gotten our wishes, and Edward was indeed the first Cullen to father a healthy son, but Rose had demanded 'they had better be girls' the moment her scan revealed twins.

The thought of two small Emmett's had given her nightmares.

The shriek from the nursery reached us just as Edward finished washing me clean again and I knew he wanted more of the same but it seemed, Corben was going to cockblock his father from the very first time we made love since his arrival.

"Hey, we managed to do it twice, we can catch up later," he sighed and turned off the water. As usual, he practically ran to his son's crib to rescue the baby before he got into any distress. I dried myself slowly, wondering if my husband would ever relax now he was a father with a living child. It was hard, knowing anything could happen, and knowing the original Benjamin Cullen had died of a cot death. Even the scans showing Corben was perfect and the proof positive after delivery had done little to allow Edward to relax and enjoy fatherhood.

He did enjoy it, but he was always checking his son at bathtime, looking for any signs of a rash or a high temperature. Rose had pointed out, having twins meant she and Emmett never bothered being that vigilant, they settled for grabbing a nap any time they could and assuming the babies would survive despite their parents exhaustion.

I couldn't turn the clock back and have twins, but I could neglect to use any contraception and let the next baby follow Corben as soon as possible. Maybe when Edward had two little chicks to cluck over, he would forget to keep a chart hanging on the end of the crib.

He noted every feed, every diaper change, I was actually looking forward to him going back to work next week.

Maybe then our son and I could veg out all day, watching movies and eating junk food. Just me with the junk food, but God, another healthy meal and I would vomit. I craved chocolate, donuts, ice cream, anything that wasn't freshly picked from our organic vegetable patch or purchased from the town's organic butcher. I was starting to suspect the meat was tofu. Or at least the poor beef cattle were fed on the stuff.

I dressed, giving up on the idea of a prolonged roll in bed with my husband as he walked in and sat down with Corben in his arms.

"He seems okay, maybe he had a bad dream. Who knows when they start, really? Maybe he dreamed of being safe back inside your womb and woke up to realise he'd been kicked out into the big bad world."

"Maybe he just had wet pants," I replied. Edward wanted his son dressed in pure cotton so that excluded disposable diapers and thus, Corben always seemed to have a soggy backside. We were going with 100% cotton washables, like my Mom probably never even heard of, but may have worn herself as an infant.

The extra washing was not a problem, because we had a housekeeper who took care of all that. This was because it was my job to make milk and breastfeed as long as our son wanted to. That was a worry, if he was as obsessed with my boobs as his father was, I could be leaning over the fence of Forks Elementary giving him his mid morning snack.

"Two years, maximum," I said.

"Two years? For what?" Edward asked, puzzled.

"I am not breastfeeding anyone who is aged more than two years old. They can have their final feed on their second birthday but I am not being one of those weird ladies on the tv shows who breastfeeds her schoolkid."

"Okay, fine. Did you hear that, Corben? You get two years of the good stuff then you have to dink organic soy milk like the rest of us."

"The rest of you," I pointed out. The day they got soy from a cow was the day I gave up milk in my coffee. I even added sugar, to everyone's distaste. It was my little act of rebellion.

If I conceived again nice and quickly, I would have to wean Corben anyway.

"I had this woman in yesterday who is tandem feeding," Edward said, apparently reading my mind.

"Is that breastfeeding twins?" I asked, innocently.

"Nope, she had her kids only a year apart so she kept feeding the first baby all through the pregnancy and then allotted the new baby one breast and the toddler the other. It's amazing, each breast produces exactly the type of breastmilk each child needs, even though one is a toddler and the other a newborn. I was thinking..."

"What? That you could find a way of breastfeeding Corben and the next baby yourself and trying tandem feeding?" I asked.

"Bella, it would be a wonderful bonding experience."

"I think I will manage to love my children without having each of them sucking on my breasts forever," I growled. Edward never did anything by halves. Once he started something, he had to finish it the best way possible.

"Our son looks to be asleep again. Maybe you could fulfil your promise of a nice long session full of slow sex," I reminded him, taking advantage and pulling off my dress.

"I'll be right back," he promised, hurriedly taking Corben back to his cosy crib.

X~x~X

"Smile, all of you. Bella, Emmett, stop talking and face the camera."

I shook my head at Emmett and smothered a laugh. He was such a happy guy, I just loved the way he just lay back and let life roll over him, never fighting against the tide. Of course, he'd never had to face any challenges like his brother had.

He'd just asked me if Edward had invented a way to breastfeed Corben himself, so I'd related our earlier conversation.

"I swear my brother would want to get pregnant and carry the first baby ever gestated by a man," Emmett snickered.

"I think that's been done, sort of," I whispered back.

"No, that was a pregnant woman who had gender reassignment while pregnant. She conceived as a woman. Doesn't count."

"Sshh, don't give your brother any ideas," I replied. "I will be happy to carry all his children, as many as he wants."

"God, now you shush. He probably wants a dozen. Never say that to him, I'm warning you. You will regret those words. I bet he's nagging you to have another baby already."

Emmett and I both had our hands full. He was holding his blond headed daughter, Misha Rose while I had the one with the black curls, Emily Rose.

I just hoped the black curls were all she inherited from her father. Nice as he was, a female version would still be huge. Thus far, it was hard to judge. The twins were both in the top one percentile, so they would not be tiny, but, not enormous either, we hoped. They were still on the chart for 'normal' for their ages.

While Edward was thrilled to be a Godfather, that didn't mean he was putting his son down long enough to hold one of his nieces for a photo, so I did the honours. Alice had made the most incredible dress for Georgia, their daughter. Edward had suggested she get a forklift to hold the baby and the reams of soft white fabric, it seemed to have more material than the average Cinderella style wedding dress. The poor tiny baby girl was almost lost inside the bundle of fabric.

"I think Alice is going to cut up the dress and re-curtain the entire house," Jasper joked. His parents had thawed visibly since their granddaughter's arrival. I guess it was a case of getting over themselves and accepting Alice or missing out on the delights of sharing the life of that tiny child who looked nothing like their son and everything like their daughter-in-law.

Alice was really pretty herself but I kind of hoped the next daughter they produced took after Jasper. He was pretty for a man, and a girl with his hair...awesome.

"Just the mothers and the grandmothers," the photographer announced and I handed Emily to Rose and flexed my fingers, getting the blood back flowing again. Her babies were far heavier than mine.

"Does Corben need feeding? He seems restless," Edward worried, gazing at his son in his arms.

"No, not yet. You have to stick to the schedule, " Emmett snickered. "You wrote it, you should know better. I need Bella for a minute."

He pulled me by my arm down the back to a small room that I guess the preacher used to relax in, and pulled something from his pocket.

"Junk food, Bella. How much do you love me? "

"Oh God no, Emmett. Not Snickers Bars. They have nuts. If I start an allergy in Corben, Edward will never forgive me. What else do you have?"

"Mars Caramel, from Canada. Guaranteed nut free. Does Emmett love you or what?"

I grabbed the candy and ripped off the wrapper.

"Never tell Edward, or I will kill you or something," I muttered, stuffing my mouth and laying my head back against the wall.

"Oh my God, it's so wonderful," I moaned.

"Are you two having sex in here?" Jasper asked, opening the door regardless. He came inside and looked through Emmett's bag of banned substances.

"Ahh, 3 Musketeers, my favourite."

"Eat, I figure we have maybe five minutes before the Food Police find us," Emmett stated, putting an entire chocolate bar into his mouth.

"Do I spy potato chips?" Jasper said in awe, grabbing a packet. "And not the low fat, no salt, no flavour version. Emmett, if you weren't married, I'd marry you myself."

"Then it would be bigamous because I'd marry him first," I said, grabbing the bag from Jasper's hand and rummaging.

"You'd marry my brother just to eat junk food?" Edward said as he and Rose flung the door open.

"Fuck, busted, eat the evidence, quick," Emmett cried, cramming his mouth full.

"Bella, you will be punished," Edward laughed, coming to my side and kissing me, ending the kiss with more of a lick as he tasted the salt on my lips.

"Ha, you just ate salt," Emmett pointed out.

"I hope you enjoyed that, it will be nothing but salad and tofu all month now Emmett," Rose warned him.

"Not if a grizzly comes into the forest. I need my meat, woman. If you cut me off, I'll start killing animals and eating them raw."

X~x~X

I kissed my brother-in-law and Rose, and turned to Jazz and Alice and peered at the tiny girlchild in the mass of netting.

"I bet you will be happy to get home and get out of that dress, little Georgia," I said, feeling something start inside me.

Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed my face. "What was that look?"

"I think I want a daughter," I said in surprise. We'd been so focused on having a live, healthy son, I'd never considered maybe I would want a little girl as well. Suddenly pink went from the colour I despised, to somehow the most attractive hue on the planet.

"She had better be just like you. You got your wish, and Corben is my clone, so I'm putting in my order for a Bella-clone little girl with eyes just as captivating as yours are. The boys won't stand a chance."

He gazed into my eyes and I felt beautiful. Only Edward had ever made me feel this way, but when he looked at me like this, I couldn't feel any other way. Nobody else's opinion mattered anyway.

"We should go home, snuggle up in front of the fireplace. Once Corben's fed, he will nap for a few hours. Brrr. It's getting cold," he said.

"Not that cold," I replied. "I just have a lightweight sweater on and it's enough."

"But you have to judge how cold you will be naked," he whispered.

"We should go," I agreed and walked towards Esme and Carlisle, who were holding our son in turn.

"We finally got our hands on our grandson," Esme said with a smile. "Thank you for sharing, Edward."

"I am trying. I'm sure in time I'll learn to let him go a little. It's all new to me. I just want to be there for him and Bella, and I don't feel whole without them any more."

"You have a wonderful start to your family," Carlisle said, patting his son's back.

"We should get home. Light a fire, drink some wine, start a sister for him," Edward replied.

"Really?" Esme replied, excitedly. "He won't be an only child?"

"No, Mom. Now we got it right, we can do it a few more times. As many times as my wife is willing. You should be knitting little baby things again quite soon."

"I'm so glad, Edward. I'm glad you and Bella put the past behind you and haven't let it modify your dreams. Do everything you ever wanted to, have all the children you would have had anyway. I should have had more, after our Benjamin died. I felt like we were pushing our luck having Emmett and you, but if I had my time again, I would have kept going. Don't be afraid to be happy and to try to have your ideal family."

"Thanks, Mom."

We drove home and Edward was truly happy as Corben settled down to sleep, satisfied by his latest meal.

"Mom mentioned my brother for the first time. That's just good to hear she can finally talk about him. I think we are all going to be okay now, Bella."

We lay in front of the fire, watching the flickering flames. The one thing I knew was, whatever the future held, we were in it together, and isn't that all anyone ever wants? Someone to share their future with, through the good times and the bad?

Whatever happened, we were Bella and Edward, we had each other.


End file.
